英语幽默演讲稿

2021-08-04 来源：演讲稿收藏下载本文

推荐第1篇：幽默英语演讲稿)

篇1：幽默英语演讲稿幽默英语演讲稿

love your mother 爱你的母亲

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom? 你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈. because im a woman, she told him. 因为我是女人,她告诉他. i dont understand, he said. 我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........ 妈妈拥抱了他说,你永远也不会明白,但没关系... later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?. 后来小男孩问他的父亲妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣,这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的... the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. 等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候, 他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭. finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣? god answered...... 上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special. i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 当我创造女人的时候, 我决定把她造的很特别, 我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是, 却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人... i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection even from her own children. 我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛, 也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害, 甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子... i gave her a hardne that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickne and fatigue without 我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进, 并且照顾自己的家人和朋友, 甚至当每个人都放弃的时候, 她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言... i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly.... she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenagers anxieties and fears.... 我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害她的时候．．．

她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧张与恐惧．．．

i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.... 我给她力量关心她的丈夫，尽管他会犯错．我用男人的肋骨创造了女人，使女人可以保护男人的心脏．．．

i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.... 我给她智慧，让她知道一个好丈夫永远不会伤害他的妻子，但有时候会试炼她坚定的永远跟随自己丈夫的能力与决心． for all of this hard work, i also gave her a tear to shed. it is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakne.... when you see her cry, tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good. 因为这些种种的困难，

我也同样赐她流下眼泪，

这是当她在需要时可以使用的，

这是她唯一的软弱之处．．．

当你看到她哭泣的时候，

告诉她你有多么地爱她，

告诉她她为所有人所做的一切，

即使这样她可能还是会哭泣，

但你会使她的心里得到安慰． she is special! please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and special women in their lives. 她是独特的！

请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人，有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人． but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is. each day is a mountain that must be climbed; with courage each step gets easier. 但是，也把这个信息传递给男人，因此他们会明白女人是多么奇妙的被造物．每一天，生活中都会有必须爬的山，但是勇气会使每一步都更轻松． love your mother always 永远爱你的母亲， and keep her smiling 并且使她微笑常在

篇2：幽默英语演讲稿幽默英语演讲稿

love your mother 爱你的母亲

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........ 妈妈拥抱了他说,你永远也不会明白,但没关系... later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?. 后来小男孩问他的父亲妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣,这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的...the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候, 他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭. finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣? god answered...... 上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special. i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 当我创造女人的时候, 我决定把她造的很特别, 我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是, 却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人... i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection even from her own children. 我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛, 也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害, 甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子... i gave her a hardne that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickne and fatigue without 我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进, 并且照顾自己的家人和朋友, 甚至当每个人都放弃的时候, 她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言... i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly....she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenagers anxieties and fears.... 我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害她的时候．．．

她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧张与恐惧．．．

这是当她在需要时可以使用的，

这是她唯一的软弱之处．．．

当你看到她哭泣的时候，

告诉她你有多么地爱她，

告诉她她为所有人所做的一切，

即使这样她可能还是会哭泣，

但你会使她的心里得到安慰． she is special! please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and special women in their lives. 她是独特的！

每一天，生活中都会有必须爬的山，但是勇气会使每一步都更轻松． love your mother always 永远爱你的母亲， and keep her smiling 并且使她微笑常在

篇3：新初中幽默英语演讲稿新初中幽默英语演讲稿 love your mother 爱你的母亲

作为一个演讲者，我从观众那只得到过两种抱怨：一种是我讲话声音太大了，他们无法入睡；第二种是我讲得时间太长了，他们无法一直清醒。

作为一个讲演者，他的演讲总拿来和林肯的哥得堡演讲[一个著名的演讲]相比较。当他演讲结束时，也有悲伤、眼泪和悲痛——特别是计划委员会。

幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。

演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡 poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program --- and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast. 幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。

过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。

i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked.and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked.and it really works.i no suffer from nervousne.eyestrain.yes 幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。

创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常紧张。

我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点。 personally, i have never been conceited --- and i can’t tell you how much i admire myself for that. 幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲。

创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我. 我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。

let me put this into plain english.i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？

如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。 if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one i know. 幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。

创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。

演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。

making a speech is like watering a lawn.you’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in. 幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。

幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。

创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看2台的节目。

before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television.i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2. 幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。

可能你们有些人知道我今晚出现在这里有两个原因：第一个原因是你们的计划委员会一直在设法寻找一个聪明、有趣、老练的演讲者，——他们找到了。第二个原因是那个人病了，所以就打电话把我找来了。

幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。

创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？

篇5：我写的搞笑的英文演讲稿我写的搞笑的英文演讲稿

once god came up two me & granted me a dream to be realize.i asked 4 world peace.that’s impoible, he said. 有一次上帝来到我面前答应了实现我一个梦想。我说我要世界和平。“那是不可能的”他说。

then i asked him to give you brains.he said, let me try world peace. 然后我请让你变聪明。他说：“你还是让我试试让世界和平吧。”

篇6：幽默式英语演讲开场欣赏幽默式英语演讲开场欣赏 *in a humorous way #幽默式开场欣赏

judging the value and the authors achievements is up to the 敬爱的同志们，我觉得，提到高尔基的名字时，常常会加上一些度量的形容词，如伟大的、高尚的、高大的等等。如果老是过分地强调和抬高一个人物，我们就会使别人的成就和重要性失去光彩，这一点，你们没有想到吧？请相信我，我并不是故意讲漂亮话，也不是装模作样。有许多重要的原因使我不能不说这些话。打个比方说，在这里，我们大家的年龄尽管相差很大，然而都是同一个很年轻的母亲──全苏联文学的孩子。

衡量一个作家的成就，是读者的事；说明一部文学作品的社会意义是批评家的事。

推荐第2篇：幽默英语演讲稿

love your mother

爱你的母亲

why are you crying, a young boy asked his mom?

你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈.

\"because i\'m a woman,\" she told him.

因为我是女人,她告诉他.

\"i don\'t understand,\" he said.

我不明白.他回答

his mom just hugged him and said,

\"and you never will, but that\'s o.k.\".......

妈妈拥抱了他说,\"你永远也不会明白,但没关系...\"

later the little boy asked his father,

\"why does mom seem to cry for no reason?\".

后来小男孩问他的父亲\"妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣?\"

\"all women cry for no reason,\" was all his dad could say......

\"所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣\",这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的...

the little boy grew up and became a man,

still wondering why women cry.

等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候,

他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭.

finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked \"god, why do women cry so easily?\"

最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问\"上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣?\"

god answered......

上帝回答:

\"when i made woman,

i decided she had to be special.

i made her shoulders

strong enough to carry

the weight of the world, yet,

made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...

\"当我创造女人的时候,

我决定把她造的很特别,

我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是,

却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人...

i gave her the inner strength

to endure childbirth

and the rejection

that many times will come

even from her own children.

我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛,

也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害,

甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子...

i gave her a hardne

that allows her

to keep going and take care

of her family and friends,

even when everyone else gives up, through sickne and fatigue without

complaining....

我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进,

并且照顾自己的家人和朋友,

甚至当每个人都放弃的时候,

她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言...

i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly....

she has the very special power to make a child\'s boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager\'s anxieties and fears....

我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害她的时候．．．

她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧张与恐惧．．．

i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults

and i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....

我给她力量关心她的丈夫，尽管他会犯错．我用男人的肋骨创造了女人，使女人可以保护男人的心脏．．．

i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....

我给她智慧，让她知道一个好丈夫永远不会伤害他的妻子，但有时候会试炼她坚定的永远跟随自己丈夫的能力与决心．

for all of this hard work,

i also gave her a tear to shed.

it is hers to use

whenever needed and

it is her only weakne....

when you see her cry,

tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though

she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.

因为这些种种的困难，

我也同样赐她流下眼泪，

这是当她在需要时可以使用的，

这是她唯一的软弱之处．．．

当你看到她哭泣的时候，

告诉她你有多么地爱她，

告诉她她为所有人所做的一切，

即使这样她可能还是会哭泣，

但你会使她的心里得到安慰．

she is special!

please send this to women you know, and those with mothers,

sisters, and special women in their lives.

她是独特的！

请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人，有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人．

but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.

each day is a mountain that must be climbed; with courage each step gets easier.

但是，也把这个信息传递给男人，因此他们会明白女人是多么奇妙的被造物．

每一天，生活中都会有必须爬的山，但是勇气会使每一步都更轻松．

love your mother always

永远爱你的母亲，

and keep her smiling

并且使她微笑常在

推荐第3篇：英语一分钟幽默演讲稿

幽默英语演讲稿

love your mother 爱你的母亲

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........ 妈妈拥抱了他说,你永远也不会明白,但没关系... later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?. 后来小男孩问他的父亲妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣,这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的...the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. 等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候, 他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭. finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣? god answered...... 上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special. i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 当我创造女人的时候, 我决定把她造的很特别, 我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是, 却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人... i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection even from her own children. 我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛, 也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害, 甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子... i gave her a hardne that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickne and fatigue without 我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进, 并且照顾自己的家人和朋友, 甚至当每个人都放弃的时候, 她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言... i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly.... she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenagers anxieties and fears.... 我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害她的时候．．．

她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧张与恐惧．．．

i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.... 我给她力量关心她的丈夫，尽管他会犯错．我用男人的肋骨创造了女人，使女人可以保护男人的心脏．．． i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.... 我给她智慧，让她知道一个好丈夫永远不会伤害他的妻子，但有时候会试炼她坚定的永远跟随自己丈夫的能力与决心． for all of this hard work, i also gave her a tear to shed. it is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakne.... when you see her cry, tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.因为这些种种的困难，

我也同样赐她流下眼泪，

这是当她在需要时可以使用的，

这是她唯一的软弱之处．．．

当你看到她哭泣的时候，

告诉她你有多么地爱她，

告诉她她为所有人所做的一切，

即使这样她可能还是会哭泣，

但你会使她的心里得到安慰． she is special! please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and special women in their lives. 她是独特的！

请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人，有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人． but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.篇2：英语演讲稿1分钟

亲爱的同学们：

你们好！

我想请问大家，如果我打开地图，请你为我指出，你最喜欢哪个国家？也许你会指自由自在的美国，也许你会指浪漫的法国，也许你还会指神秘的埃及。可是在我们的心中,却永远忘不了一个令人骄傲的国度,那就是我们的祖国——中国! 我们伟大的祖国是最大的国家之一。它的人口超过12亿。北京是他的首都。想必大家都知道，中国历史悠久，在1949年以前，我们曾是一个很软弱贫穷的国家，这些都已成为过去，中国现在是一个强大的发展中国家。事实证明，中国是强大的不可战胜的。

如果有人问起，我会自豪地说，我是中国人。中国我为你骄傲。

谢谢大家，我的演讲完毕！ hello, everyone 自我介绍

i’d like to ask you to point out your favorite country if here is a map.maybe you will choose the united states for the freedom; maybe you will choose french for the romantic.i’d like to say that these are nice countries for traveling.but there is one country in the bottom of my heart, and i will be proud of her forever, that’s china---my motherland! our great motherland is one of the largest countries in the world.it has a population of over thirteen hundred million.beijing is its capital. it’s needle to say that china has a long history.now china is a strong and developing country.facts have proved that china is a powerful, invincible.if anyone asked, we will proudly say that i am chinese.i am proud of you-----china. i am a primary school student now; i know that all of us are the future of our nation.so, what we need to do is to study hard step by step, listen carefully in the cla and do homework everyday so that we can dedicate ourselves to our nation when we grown up! that’s my speech! thank you for listening.篇3：幽默英语演讲小短文(2分钟的) as food is to the body, so is learning to the mind.our bodies grow and muscles develop with the intake of adequate nutritious food.likewise, we should keep learning day by day to maintain our keen mental power and expand our intellectual capacity.constant learning supplies us with inexhaustible fuel for driving us to sharpen our power of reasoning, analysis, and judgment.learning inceantly is the surest way to keep pace with the times in the information age, and an infallible warrant of succe in times of uncertainty. 学习之于心灵，就像食物之于身体一样。摄取了适量的营养食物，我们的身体得以生长而肌肉得以发达。同样地，我们应该日复一日不断地学习以保持我们敏锐的心智能力，并扩充我们的智力容量。不断的学习提供我们用不尽的燃料，来驱使我们磨利我们的推理、分析和判断的能力。持续的学习是在信息时代中跟时代并驾齐驱的最稳当的方法，也是在变动的世代中成功的可靠保证。一旦学习停止，单调贫乏的生活就开始了。视学校为汲取知识的唯一场所是种常见的谬误。相反地，学习应该是一种无终止的历程，从生到死。由于世界一直快速地在变动，只要学习停顿数日就将使人落后。更糟的是，蛰伏在我们潜意识深处的兽性本能就会复活，削弱我们追求高贵理想的意志，弱化我们扫除成功障碍的决心，而且扼杀我们净化我们人格的欲望。缺少学习将不可避免地导致心灵的停滞，甚至更糟地，使其僵化。因此，为了保持心理年轻，我们必须将学习当作一生的事业。 2．heavy schoolwork【课业繁重】 in my opinion, the schoolwork now being aigned to high school students is too heavy.while it is true that students need to study, they need other things as well if they are to grow into healthy and well-rounded adults.high should be allowed more time for play.playing is not wasting time, as some think.it gives them physical exercise, and also exercise their imagination.which tends to be stifled by too much study.finally, the preure put on high school students by exceive schoolwork can cause serious stre, which is unhealthy physically and mentally.i do not advocate the elimination of schoolwork.i do think, however, that a reduction of the current heavy load would be beneficial to students and to the society as a whole. 我认为目前高中生的课业实在太重了，虽然说学生的确应当念书，但是要想长大成为健全的人，他门还需要一些其它的东西，所以应该给高中生较多从事娱乐的时间。娱乐并不如某些人所想的，是在浪费时间，它可以让学生锻炼身体，发挥被繁重课业扼杀的想象力。此外，繁重的课业加诸在高中生身上的压力可能引起严重的情绪紧张，这对身心都有害。我并非主张废除学校课业，但是我认为减轻目前繁重的课业对于学生和整个社会都是有益的。 3．time【时间】 lost time is never found again.this is something which i learned very clearly last semester.i spent so much time fooling around that my grades began to suffer.i finally realized that something had to be done.it was time for a change. now i have a new plan for using my time wisely.i have set my alarm clock ahead half an hour.this will give me a head start on the day.i have also decided to keep a log of what i do and when i do it.looking back on what i’ve done will give me some ideas on how to reorganize my time.时光一去不复返，这是我上学期清楚学到的教训。我浪费很多时间四处游荡，以致于我的成绩开始退步。最后我终于了解到我必须有所作为；该是痛改前非的时候了。

现在我有一个明智运用时间的新方法。我已将闹钟早拨半小时，这将使我这一天的作息提前开始。我也决定将我所做的一切及做这些事的时间记录下来。回顾我所做的事情会启发我如何重新安排我的时间。

4．work and play【工作与娱乐】 what i usually do to relax after school is jogging and seeing movies.usually i dont spare time for exercise, but i value the physical education cla at school.jogging several rounds in the field certainly relieves the days preure.on weekends, ill catch the morning movie for my visual enjoyment.i feel revived and energetic for another weeks work-load. 工作与娱乐并不互相冲突，事实上，它们之间的关系还相辅相成。有句格言说：「整日工作而没有休闲娱乐，会令人变得沉闷乏味。」被工作重担压得喘不过气来的生活，将使你一事无成，因为你将对一成不变的例行公事感到厌烦。由另一方面来说，适度的娱乐活动能提供各种管道，来渲泄你被压抑的情绪，减轻单调生活中的紧张与不悦。

放学之后，我最常做的休闲活动，便是慢跑与看电影。通常我并不特地拨出时间来做运动，但是我很重视学校的体育课。在操场上慢跑几圈，无疑地可以减轻一天的压力。在周末时，我都去看早场电影，享受视觉飨宴。如此一来，我将有如再生般的充沛活力，去面对下一星期的工作量。

5．my first job【我的第一份工作】 my first job was at a cramming school.it was three years ago when i just graduated from junior high school and finished the entrance examination.since i had nothing to do that summer, i decided to find a job, tasting the joy of independence. i was responsible for answering the telephone and taking the meage.i worked eight hours a day, six days a week.the work was not difficult nor heavy to me and i gue i did well.the most delighted thing was perhaps that i could spend the money i earned all by myself. 我的第一份工作是在一家补习班做事。那是三年前我刚从国中毕业，考完联考时的事了。既然我那整个夏天都闲着没事，倒不如找份差事，尝尝独立赚钱的快乐。

我负责接听电话且纪录留言的工作。我一天工作八小时，一星期工作六天。那份工作对我而言既不困难亦不沉重，所以我想我还满称职的。而最令人快乐的事大概莫过于花全部由自己赚来的钱了！

6．my favorite sports【我最喜爱的运动】 sports help everyone to keep healthy, happy, and efficient.so i pay special attention to games, especially table-tennis.table tennis is my favorite game.i play it almost every day. table-tennis is an ideal game us because it brings the whole body into action.it strengthens our muscles, expands our lungs, promotes the circulation of the blood, and causes a healthy action of the skin.besides, it is very amusing and does not cost us much money.table-tennis is very moderate; it is not so rough as football.it is an indoor game and can be played even on rainy days.thus, it is my favorite kind of exercise. 运动能帮助每一个人保持健康、快乐和有效率。所以我特别重视运动，特别是桌球，桌球是我最喜欢的运动。我几乎每天玩。

桌球对我们而言，是一项理想的运动，因为它可以使我们全身运动，它可以增强我们的肌肉，扩张我们的肺部，促进血液循环，并且使肌肤产生健康作用，此外，它很有趣而且所费不多。桌球是相当温和适中的，它不像足球那么粗野。它是一种室内运动，甚至在下雨天也能玩。因此，桌球是我最喜爱的一种运动。篇4：一分钟英语演讲稿范文

一分钟英语演讲稿范文 my family there are three people in my family.im a boy(girl).im ten years old.my dad is a worker.my mother is a worker too.and i have a dog.its names john.it alaways play with me.and i also love him.this is my family.do you like us? 我的家

我家有三个人.我是一个男孩(女孩).我今年十岁.我的爸爸是个工人.我的妈妈也是个工人.我有一条狗.它的名字叫john.它总是和我一起玩.我也爱它.这是我的家.你喜欢我们吗? my hobby im a boy.my hobby is playing basketball.i often play basketball with my best friend after cla.i think its really fun and exciting.but my mother told me get home early.this is my hobby.what are your hobby? can you tell me? 我的爱好我是一个男孩.我的爱好是打篮球.我经常在放学后和我最要好的朋友.我认为它很有趣并且很刺激.但是我的妈妈告诉我早点回家.这是我的爱好.你的爱好是什么?能告诉我吗? my hobby im a girl.i like to colloct shells.so i often go to sea on vacation.i think sea is really beautiful.and the shells are beautiful too.now i have twenty shells.i also have lefree time to go to vacation.so i cant get more shells.this is my hobby.what are your hobby? can you tell me? 我的爱好

我是一个女孩.我喜欢收集贝壳.所以我经常在假期时去海边.我认为大海很美.并且贝壳也一样漂亮.现在我有二十个贝壳.我有很少的空余时间去度假.所以我不能得到更多的贝壳.这是我的爱好.你的爱好是什么?能告诉我吗?篇5：中英文幽默演讲幽默演讲——调侃自己（中英对照）

演讲者如何调侃自己

创新句子：你们或者睡觉，或者不睡，只要不打呼噜，我就接着讲。

幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。

演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡。 poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program --- and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast. 幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的。

过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。 i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked.and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked.and it really works.i no suffer from nervousne.eyestrain.yes. 幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常紧张。

创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我。

我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。 let me put this into plain english.i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。

创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？

创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。

演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了。 making a speech is like watering a lawn.you’re satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in. 幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了。

幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。

创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么。

开始前我想告诉你们下面的演讲已经编辑成了电视节目，我现在少讲20分钟，我们能够及时赶回家看2台的节目。 before i begin, i want you to know that the following speech has been edited for television.i cut 20 minutes out of it so we could all get home in time for the game on channel 2. 幽默注释：放着现场不看，偏要回家在电视上看。

幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。

创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？

有人有舞台恐惧症，我没有；舞台不会怎么样我，是观众快把我吓死了！ some people suffer from stage fright.i don’t.the stage doesn’t bother me at all.it’s the audience that scares the hell out of me! 幽默注释：stage fright舞台恐惧症，而不是舞台吓唬我。

我们每个人都希望能在某一时刻把时钟拨回去。如果我能够把时钟拨回去 at one time or another, i think each of us has wished we could turn back the clock.i know if i could turn back the clock just 45 minutes, i’d be the happiest person in this room.because that’s when i left my speech on the kitchen table.幽默注释：自己上台前还在刻苦练习，演讲稿落家里了，讲错了希望观众包涵。

我不想吹牛，但上次我演讲时所有的观众都站了起来，他们再也没有坐下，直到走到他们的汽车那儿。 i don’t want to brag, but the last time i did this it brought the audience to its feet.and they never sat down again until they reached their cars. 幽默注释：观众听他演讲，都站起来走了，他还在吹牛呢。

创新句子：我演讲时用一种平缓的语速娓娓道来，观众睡得很香甜。如果我有点儿犹豫，你们一定要原谅我，这是我第一次饭后演讲——在卖当劳里冲我的小孩儿喊叫除外。 if i’m a little hesitant, you’ll have to excuse me.this is the first after-dinner speech i’ve ever made ---except for yelling at my kids in mcdonald’s.幽默注释：自嘲自己演讲没什么经验。

创新句子：你可能知道我已经养成了饭后演讲的习惯。

我不习惯面对这么多观众演讲，让我鼓起勇气的一件事情就是我在谈论我最喜欢的题目——我。

推荐第4篇：美式幽默英语演讲稿

演讲中的美式幽默

美国人爱幽默，特别是大庭广众之中，演讲者丢包袱、甩噱头，营造出一种轻松欢快、与听众互动的氛围，已经是现代美国文化的一种常态。马克-吐温的幽默细胞，已俨然浸入到美国文化的血液中。

市长的幽默

崔永元先生介绍了波斯顿市长在与中国市长同僚们会面时演说的幽默，波斯顿市长说道，他绝对没有中国市长们那么威风，他在波斯顿当市长，更多的时候感觉自己就象个“墓地看守”，“看起来人挺多”但——“没有一个听我的”。呵呵。那是当然的啰，在美国是个人主义得道，强调天赋人权，人人平等。不象中国，千年来儒家的“君臣父子长幼有序”，人的尊严完全奠立于手中握有权力的大小。当了官，尤其当了个“高官”，周围多半会有一批马屁精们围绕。马屁精们放弃自己的尊严，整天把领导的官衔挂在嘴上，使得我们领导的感觉不要太好哦！

看看山东作协里的“作家”——在四川汶川地震时为追思被埋葬在废墟下的学生写的诗——对领导的吹捧和赞美到了不知人间羞耻的地步！

没看现在国内，大家千军万马争当“公务员”—— 其中必

有不少人恐怕为的就是想要出人头地，期待身边有人来给他溜须拍马嘛！

可在美国，是不流行拍马屁的哎！牧师的幽默

去过美国教会听礼拜的大凡都有体会，美国牧师大多讲道时比较幽默，气氛活跃；不象国内牧师那样常常板起脸教训人，把讲道搞得枯燥无味。

有一次去教会参加美国朋友的一个婚礼，主持婚礼的牧师认真地向这对新人祝福，愿他俩“making love everyday!” 这句话，直白点的翻译便是：做爱每一天！当然也可以有柔和点的翻译：恩爱每一天！

完全木有过去在国内婚礼上主持人对新人的励志话语：共同携手——抓革命、促生产、为国家多做贡献（其实也只让生一个），，，哈哈！

葬礼上的幽默

美国人演讲的幽默甚至连葬礼也不放过。

我在美国通过电视直播观看了苹果公司创建人乔布斯去世后的葬礼现场，苹果公司的一位高管，在葬礼上发表激情演说，他谈到乔布斯一向追求细节的完美，不能容忍任何的细节疏忽。演讲者说他“曾经多次陪乔布斯外出公干”，每到一地在宾馆住下，他把自己携带的行李中的衣物取出、摆放好，就立马会接到乔布斯打来的电话，乔布斯对这家宾馆房间乃至对这

个宾馆的某个细节不满意，要他“收拾行李”，准备跟他“换宾馆饭店”。以致后来他再陪乔布斯外出，到宾馆住下后，他连自己的行李都不敢打开，就坐在房间电话机旁边等——等乔布斯打电话来，准备换宾馆，“这样比较方便”，省得把东西刚拿出来，又要放进去。

会场一片笑声，哎，这哪像“葬礼”啊？有木有搞错？偶滴油墨幽默英语演讲稿 love your mother 爱你的母亲

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........ 妈妈拥抱了他说,你永远也不会明白,但没关系... later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?. 后来小男孩问他的父亲妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣,这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的...the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. 等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候, 他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭. finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣? god answered...... 上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special. i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 当我创造女人的时候, 我决定把她造的很特别, 我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是, 却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人... i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection even from her own children. 我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛, 也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害, 甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子... i gave her a hardne that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickne and fatigue without 我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进, 并且照顾自己的家人和朋友, 甚至当每个人都放弃的时候, 她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言... i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly.... she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenagers anxieties and fears.... 我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害她的时候．．．

她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧张与恐惧．．．

i gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults and i fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.... 我给她力量关心她的丈夫，尽管他会犯错．我用男人的肋骨创造了女人，使女人可以保护男人的心脏．．． i gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.... 我给她智慧，让她知道一个好丈夫永远不会伤害他的妻子，但有时候会试炼她坚定的永远跟随自己丈夫的能力与决心． for all of this hard work, i also gave her a tear to shed. it is hers to use whenever needed and when you see her cry, tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.因为这些种种的困难，

我也同样赐她流下眼泪，

这是当她在需要时可以使用的，

这是她唯一的软弱之处．．．

当你看到她哭泣的时候，

告诉她你有多么地爱她，

告诉她她为所有人所做的一切，

即使这样她可能还是会哭泣，

但你会使她的心里得到安慰． she is special! please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and special women in their lives. 她是独特的！

请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人，有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人． but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.篇3：【英语】美式幽默 1.is she big-boned? 她是不是很魁梧啊？ big-bone看字面解释就知道是指骨架很粗大。这对美女(美国的女人) 来说是见怪不怪的。在电影something about mary中就有这一句，is she big-boned? 那娇小的女子怎么说？娇小就是petite。很多从亚洲来女生来美国都抱怨买不到合适的衣服，其实很多店都有一区petite。去那里找找，保证你会有意想不到的收获。若是真的找不到，就试试teenager那儿也有许多合适的衣服。 2.we have a female shortage here。

我们这里闹女人荒。

由于我的学校是理工学院，所以男女比例自然是不均匀，有一次连老美也不禁感叹道， we have a female shortage here。这样的说法是不是听来很特别？其实我看根本就不只是female shortage而是 female drought。或是更夸张一点的讲法，we have a female extinction here。 3.you are a freaking yankee。

你是怪怪的北方佬。

老美彼此之间很喜欢拿对方的出生地作文章。因为南北的差异，所以或多或少北方人看不起南方人，南方人也看不起北方人。yankee 是南北战争时北军的士兵叫yankee, 现在一般指北方佬。而freaking是说这人很怪，或者解释成怪胎也可以。 4.i am laying low。

我躲起来了。

有一次我问一个老美， how are you doing? 结果他回我i am laying low。结果在场的老美都在笑，但是只有我听不懂。其实laying low就是说躲的低低的，怕被别人看到，就是想办法混就对了。事后老美跟我解释说这句话其实没那么好笑，主要是因为我听不懂，大家才又觉得更好笑。 5.i cut the cheese。

我放屁了。

一般人说放屁这个字都会用fart这个字，但是cut the cheese也有放屁的意思在里面。为什么呢？因为大家想想切cheese时会发出什么声音？是不是和放屁很像呢？但是这样的用法似乎并不常用，我只在某部很烂的片子：mysterious man里听过一次。 6.do you go out with your gun loaded? 你要带著你上膛的枪出门吗？

此枪非彼枪。大家应该知道我指的是什么样的枪, 这句也是我去看something about mary这部电影时学到的。使用时机就是有些男人出去跟女人约会，满脑子想的就是如何跟她上床，你要糗糗他，就可以这么说 do you go out with your gun loaded? she probably will get hurt。 7.she is a big goip。

她是八卦夫人。

goip平时指的是八卦新闻，但它也可以拿来形容一个人很八卦。所以she is a big goip就是说她是个八卦夫人。或是你也可以说， she is goipy。中文里讲的广播电台在美国倒是不常见，反而是有另一种说说 she is an information bureau (她是情报局) 也蛮有趣的。 8.if the boys stare at you, they have guts to suck your teeth! 如果男生盯著你看，他们就有胆亲你。

这是我看电视full house学来的，是二个姐妹的对话，这句话有三个地方我觉的很棒，第一个是stare at you, 就是指盯著人家看的意思，have guts 就是说有胆子的意思， (这是一个巧合，中文英文说有胆子都是说有勇气的意思！)而最后一个 suck your teeth 则是指亲嘴的意思，很有趣，但是像这种句子是小孩子说的，难登大雅之堂。

亲嘴还有另外一个口语的用法：smooch 例如 i didnt smooch that girl last night。我昨晚没亲那个女孩。 9.she is vertically challenged 她的身高受到了挑战

这样的说法就是说人家很矮的意思，但是是比较婉转 (political correctne) 的说法。什么challenged 就是说有某方面的障碍，如mentally challenged就是说心智障碍，也就是低能儿的意思。

关于这个political correctne老美也常用，不过中文并没有适当相对应的翻法。所谓的 political correctne就是说为了不得罪某一族群的人，而在用辞上加以修饰，让它听来不会歧视某一族群。例如 chairman这个字，可能会得罪某些女性主义者，所以就发明了chairperson这个字。这样子的转变，就可以算是 political correctne。 10.where can i dump these white elephants? 这些无用的垃圾我要丢到哪里？

比如说家中的286计算机用之无味，弃之可惜，放在那里一摆就是好几年，这种垃圾就叫white elephant。只是这样的说法比较少见。不过有些人还是会这么用，我曾听一个老美他说，the fountain is a white elephant.意思是，这个喷水池真是废物。

有些老美会在自家的庭院前办所谓的garage sale, 就是把一些家里很少用到的东西拿出来卖。有些人的告示上会写white elephant sale。如果你不知道whte elephant指的是无用之物的话，你可能会觉得蛮奇怪的，为什么有人在卖白大象呢？篇4：美式幽默美式幽默

中国式笑话与美国式笑话有很大的区别，你可以试着看看一下几个小故事，如果觉得真心好笑。那么说明你具有美式幽默哦！ jack told his wife, helen, that he wanted to spend his vacation where he had never been before. helen said, “how about the kitchen?” charles came home at four in the morning and found his wife lying awake in the bed.where you until this hour of the morning? she screamed. ignoring what she asked, charelrs opened his bedroom closet and found a naked man cringing on the floor. chareles asked, who is this man? dont change the subject! replied his wife.篇5：美式幽默的字幕翻译论文

毕业论文

学生姓名

学位层次学士

院系外语

专业英语

指导教师

完成日期 contents

abstract .........................................................................................1 abstract (chinese) ..........................................................................2 i.introduction ................................................................................3 ii.the principles of film subtitling translation of american humor .4 2.2 cultural return ...................................................................6 2.3 colloquial domestication .....................................................7 ⅲ.the translation methods of american humor .............................8 3.1 the translation methods of the style dislocation .................8 3.2 the translation methods of irony ........................................8 3.3 the translation methods of exaggeration .............................9 3.4 the translation methods of allusion ..................................10 ⅳ.conclusion ..............................................................................11

reference .....................................................................................12 abstract key words: american humor; film subtitling translation; translation principle; translation method 摘要电影在现今变得越来越流行，中国人被外语电影包围者，而外语电影业给中国人的生活带来了特别的美式幽默，全新的文化模式也给字幕翻译者带来了挑战，这篇文章围绕美式幽默字幕翻译展开的。美式幽默在外语电影作品中无处不在，它对幽默的字幕翻译处理也是颇有难度。电影中不同类型，不同形式的美式幽默为剧情增加了很多亮点。电影字幕这一文化载体要对其进行研究必定要置身于整个社会历史大环境下，不能只考虑语言文本的对等。这也对传统的翻译三原则提出了挑战，它在翻译上的难度也引起了人们对字幕翻译原则与方法的思考。

推荐第5篇：大学英语演讲稿幽默

新初中幽默英语演讲稿 love your mother 爱你的母亲

《大学英语演讲稿例文》 lucky for me, life in university is rich and colorful.with more free time,we can do many more things besides study, such as joining societies clubs, and taking part-time jobs.such drinkin coke is wonderful, despite the undesirble consequent hiccups.its bitter, sour and peppery, but also sweet.and youll even feel excited after gulping down a gla.a college experience university life is like drinking coke.im experiencing it.and i know, i enjoy it! 我一直在大学呆了一年多。我儿时,我才意识到大学生活就像喝可乐。的生活经历口味、酸、甜、苦、辣。我从省,离这儿很远。我常常想念妈妈的亲戚、朋友,在我的家乡。然而,我经常见到。那么孤独总是会陪伴我。我很难过,我无法和在一起。幸运的是,我在大学生活是多彩的。有更多的闲暇,可以做更多的事情除了学习,如加入社团俱乐部,打工。的活动,使的生活多彩,而且还能帮助改进各样的技能。大学是社会,里学到的微缩有利于今后的生活。的人生之路不会一帆风顺。挫折是无法的。失败的的考试,跟男孩女孩的朋友,或者拒绝由有前途的公司,会让的挫折。有时候,觉得很沮丧,甚至大哭起来。喝可乐是美妙的,undesirble随之打嗝。这是苦的,酸和暴躁,而且甜。你甚至可以感觉到激动下一杯。全身后,大学的经验是成长的一。哭泣,微笑着,坠入爱河,受伤,离开,学习,然后做的人。

大学生活就像喝可乐。我的感受。我知道,我喜欢它!篇3：中英文幽默演讲幽默演讲——调侃自己（中英对照）

演讲者如何调侃自己

创新句子：你们或者睡觉，或者不睡，只要不打呼噜，我就接着讲。

幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。

创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我。

创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？

如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事。 if you’ve already heard this story, please don’t stop me because it’s the only one i know. 幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说。创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。

幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。

创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么。

幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。

创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？

创新句子：你可能知道我已经养成了饭后演讲的习惯。

我不习惯面对这么多观众演讲，让我鼓起勇气的一件事情就是我在谈论我最喜欢的题目——我。

i’m not used to speaking to such a large audience.the one thing that gives me courage is that i’m speaking on my favorite subject --- me. 幽默注释：电视上老是邀请一些名人在那儿大谈自己，这些人开场可以这么说。人们总问我为什么我戴顶10加仑的红色帽子（或者一些其它非常显眼的衣服饰品），我告诉他们那是我采取的积极现实的生活态度。我知道不管发生什么事情，善良的上帝总在注视着我们。现在地球上有60亿人，我希望上帝能从芸芸众生中一眼就挑出我来。 people always ask me why i wear a big red ten gallon hat (or some other very noticeable article of clothing) and i tell them.it has to do with taking a positive but practical view of life.for instance, i know that no matter what happens, the good lord is watching over us.then again, there are now six billion of us, so i want to make darn sure he can pick me out of the crowd.篇4：大学英语演讲稿大学英语演讲稿:面对压力 good morning , boys and girls.i am pu lijuan and glad to give you a speech about stre. psychologist tell us that stre is a state of worry caused by the problem of living , such as too much work or study , heavy responsibilities . the chief problem we should face to is our attitude towards stre .people usually say they can not live in the sun except they escape from stre .it’s stre , they may feel very satisfied with the current life but lack of power to discover new things .too much satisfaction result in nothing except a countermarch of the society .no stre , no development .so a certain amount of stre is good .it can stimulate us and increase our level of alertne . and our answer to stre is another vital problem .how to do with ourselves when stre suddenly break into our life ? to wave the white flag and admit our unability , to give up to our ideality , or worsely , just to suicide as to put an end to everything … of cause not .the principle is to tackle with stre gently and harmoniously.we should try our best to release ourselves .such as to do some exercise , to listen to t music to ease our minds and to learn to view these changes of life as challenges .it’s no use crying over spilt milk .only to accept what has happened can solve the problem . ok , i think i was under large stre ５ minutes before , that is all .thank you very much! 《大学英语演讲稿范文》 i have been in university for about one year.during my stay here, i came to realize that university life is like drinking coke.we experience all tastes of life here, sour, sweet, bitter and hot. lucky for me, life in university is rich and colorful.with more free time,we can do many more things besides study, such as joining societies clubs, and taking part-time jobs.such activities not only make our life more colorful, but also help us improve all kinds of skills.the university is a society miniature, what we learn here will benefit our future life. university life is like drinking coke.im experiencing it.and i know, i enjoy it! 我一直在大学呆了一年多。我儿时,我才意识到大学生活就像喝可乐。的生活经历口味、酸、甜、苦、辣。

我从省,离这儿很远。我常常想念妈妈的亲戚、朋友,在我的家乡。然而,我经常见到。那么孤独总是会陪伴我。我很难过,我无法和在一起。幸运的是,我在大学生活是多彩的。有更多的闲暇,可以做更多的事情除了学习,如加入社团俱乐部,打工。的活动,使的生活多彩,而且还能帮助改进各样的技能。大学是社会,里学到的微缩有利于今后的生活。的人生之路不会一帆风顺。挫折是无法的。失败的的考试,跟男孩女孩的朋友,或者拒绝由有前途的公司,会让的挫折。有时候,觉得很沮丧,甚至大哭起来。喝可乐是美妙的,undesirble随之打嗝。这是苦的,酸和暴躁,而且甜。你甚至可以感觉到激动下一杯。全身后,大学的经验是成长的一。哭泣,微笑着,坠入爱河,受伤,离开,学习,然后做的人。

大学生活就像喝可乐。我的感受。

推荐第6篇：三分钟英语演讲稿幽默

幽默英语演讲稿

love your mother 爱你的母亲

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........ 妈妈拥抱了他说,你永远也不会明白,但没关系... later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?. 后来小男孩问他的父亲妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣,这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的...the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. 等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候, 他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭. finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣? god answered...... 上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special. i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 当我创造女人的时候, 我决定把她造的很特别, 我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是, 却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人... i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection even from her own children. 我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛, 也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害, 甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子... i gave her a hardne that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickne and fatigue without 我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进, 并且照顾自己的家人和朋友, 甚至当每个人都放弃的时候, 她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言... i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly.... she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenagers anxieties and fears.... 我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害她的时候．．．

她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧张与恐惧．．．

我也同样赐她流下眼泪，

这是当她在需要时可以使用的，

这是她唯一的软弱之处．．．

当你看到她哭泣的时候，

告诉她你有多么地爱她，

告诉她她为所有人所做的一切，

即使这样她可能还是会哭泣，

但你会使她的心里得到安慰． she is special! please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and special women in their lives. 她是独特的！

请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人，有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人． but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.篇2：3-5分钟英语演讲稿(30篇) 最好英语演讲稿汇总3——5分钟英语演讲稿汇总（30篇）

六、周怡雪，19岁，上海 i believe in our future honorable judges, fellow students: good afternoon! recently, ther is a heated debate in our society.the college students are the beneficiaries of a rare privilege, who receive exceptional education at extraordinary places.but will we be able to face the challenge and support ourselves against all odds? will we be able to better the lives of others? will we be able to accept the responsibility of building the future of our country? the cynics say we care for nothing other than grades; and we neglect the need for character cultivation.but again, the cynics are wrong.we care deeply for each other, we cherish freedom, we treasure justice, and we seek truth.last week, thousands of my fellow students had their blood type tested in order to make a contribution for the children who suffer from blood cancer. as college students, we are adolescents at the critical turning point in our lives.we all face a fundamental choice: cynicism or faith, each will profoundly impact our future, or even the future of our country.i believe in all my fellow clamates.though we are still inexperienced and even a little bit childish.i believe that we have the courage and faith to meet any challenge and take on our responsibilities.we are preparing to aume new responsibilities and tasks, and to use the education we have received to make our world a better place.i believe in our future. 我对未来充满信心

尊敬的评委，各位同学：

下午好！

最近，社会上有一场很激烈的争论。大学生是一种稀有特权的享有者，在很棒的地方接受高等教育。但是，我们能面对挑战而无所畏惧吗？我们能够改善他人的生活吗？我们能够承担建设祖国未来的重任吗？

怀疑论者说大学生是被宠坏的一代，一丁点挫折都受不了。但是他们错了，我所看到的大学生正在努力的学习独立生活。我们互相帮助打扫卫生，一起上街砍价购物，一起参加兼职工作来赚零花钱。

怀疑论者说我们除了成绩什么都不关心，从而忽略了性格的培养。但是，他们又错了。我们彼此关心，我们向往自由，我们珍惜公正，我们追求真理。上个星期，很多我的同学去验血，为了给患血癌的孩子贡献自己的力量。

作为大学生，我们是处在人生分水岭的青年。我们都面临一个重要的选择：怀疑人生还是相信自己，每一种都会给我们的人生带来重大的影响，甚至影响我们祖国的未来。我相信我们的同学们，虽然我们依然缺乏经验，甚至有些志气，但是我相信我们有勇气和自信来面对生活的挑战并承担我们的责任。我们正努力准备接受新的任务，用我们所学习的知识将世界变得更美好。我对我们的未来充满信心。

大学生英语演讲稿17 change the ingredients of your life 十

七、王晨，20岁，安徽 change the ingredients of your life if kindne is added to a strange you will have a friend; but if hostility is added, you will have an enemy.if love is added to a pile of red bricks you will have a home, but if hatred is add to those bricks , you will have an concentration camp. so my dear friend, if faith, hope, love, endurance are added to your life, you will find the confidence to conquer your limitation and embrace new challenges.and hopefully with my speech included, you will have a fantastic speech contest.改变生活的味道

这是一杯白开水，平淡无味，对吧？可是加上点糖呢，他尝起来会有甜味；如果加的是苏打水，味道就会变苦。人生同样如此——个中滋味在于我们的选择。

善待他人，你会拥有朋友；但如果充满恶意，则会多个敌人。将爱赋予一堆红砖，你会拥有一个家；用仇恨来浇铸这堆红砖，就会铸成一座集中营。

因此亲爱的朋友们，不要抱怨人生乏味，世间无望。不喜欢生活的味道，那就换一换生活的调料吧！

三年前，我重达100多公斤，这给我带来了很多尴尬和挫折：体育课老是不及格，总被女孩们嘲笑，更不敢当众发表意见。幸而由于祖母的鼓励，我不在消极人生，而是充满自信。她曾经说过：“孩子，如果体形无法改变，为什么不把它看做自己独特的风格呢？” 我开始这样来审视人生，通过改变生活的视角，我信心大增地去改变我的人生，很快就发现一个崭新的世界。

朋友们，将信念，希望，爱意和忍性溶入生命，你就会找到自信，克服缺点，迎接人生新的挑战。最后我的演讲包括在内，希望你会看到一场精彩的演讲比赛。

大学生英语演讲稿16 十

六、杨颖，21岁，海南 when two cultures meet, there may be things in one culture, which do not fit into the tradition of the other.when this happens, we need to learn to understand and respect the customs of another culture.then there are certain things some people may not like.to this, i will say, if you do not like it, please try to tolerate it.to learn to tolerate what you personally don’t like is a great virtue at a time when different cultures mix and merge.before us, there are two rivers, eastern and western cultures.at present, they may run in different courses.but eventually, they will converge into the vast sea of human culture. right now, i can see peoples of eastern and western cultures, standing side by side, singing the olympic theme song: we are hand in hand, heart to heart, together we will shape a beautiful tomorrow! thank you! 让我们共同感受东西方的融合

吉卜林说过:东方是东方，西方是西方，二者永不相聚。但是一个世纪后的今天，东西方相汇了! 它们相聚在经济领域，它们相聚在教育领域，它们相聚在艺术的殿堂。有人争论说:这种融合需要我们在东方和西方之间做出选择，但我却坚信最美好的未来在于东方和

西方创造性的融合。我们可以将西方的思想，观念和技术变为我们自己所用的东西。我喜爱京剧和河南豫剧，因为它们经常使我想起自己是谁。但我也热衷于流行音乐，特别是英文歌曲。于是我将东方的旋律和西方的语言结合到了一起，它叫做西方版的河南豫剧。

当两种文化相结合的时候，也许一方的文化中的某些东西不适应另一方的传统文化。当此种情况出现时，我们需要试着理解并接受另一种文化中的风俗习惯。然而，也许有些东西你并不喜欢，对于此，我可以说，如果你不喜欢它，请试着去容忍它。当两种文化融合的时候，试着去容忍你个人不喜欢的东西是一种美德。

在我们面前有两条河流，东方文化和西方文化。现在，它们也许正朝着不同的方向流去。但是最终它们将汇合到人类文化的海洋里。

就在此时此刻，我看见东方和西方的人肩并肩的站在一起，高唱奥林匹克主题曲:我们手拉手，心靠着心，共同创造美好的明天! 大学生英语演讲稿英语风采大赛半决赛选手自备演讲赏析(大学成人组) 十

五、黄扬，21，福建 farewell, indifference who was the most well-known figure in china last month? it’s ma jiajue—the college student who murdered 4 of his roommates.many people attributed his crime to his poverty and deficient education.in my opinion, his crime also has much to do with his clamates’ indifference. indifference is a terrible disease in today’s colleges and the whole society.it’s not rare that two students who have studied together for 4 years have never spoken to each other.it’s not rare that a student who has been absent from cla for several days is not noticed at all.it’s also not rare that a student who has severe psychological problems is not cared about at all. some people may say ‘what the students with psychological problems like ma jiajue need is not care but psychotherapy.” however, when people are ill, what they need most is not only medical treatment, but also care from people around them.every smile and every caring word will bring sunshine to their life.篇3：三分钟英语演讲稿家推荐一篇优秀的3分钟英语演讲稿的范文，供大家学习！ good evening ,ladies and gentlemen: 晚上好，女士们，先生们：

非常感谢你傅聪来选择在这样一个寒冷夜晚.今天我的话题是关于选择和proce.a研究表明，一个人必须作出的选择73一一天，如此众多的选择，有一天，人们容易混淆，因此害怕作出错误的选择，他们毫不犹豫地并最终错过了真正的生活的一部分。在我看来，下面的部分是更重要的不是选择。没有绝对的对错选择，但精彩或乏味的生活，这使得该进程的差异。

生活是一盒巧克力，你永远不知道下一步你会得到。阿甘正传作出任何决定，并为自己的成就，但他取得巨大成功与他坚强的意志的进程。这个过程是不是道路本身，而是态度和感情，谨慎，勇气和毅力，我们作为我们遇到了新的经验和意想不到的障碍。以自己作为一个例子，我改变了我的主要当我成为一个研究生。经过选择，天已经严厉的me.i无法理解新的经验在所有。因为他们是密切相关的数学，我的教训面前只字不提。然而密集的信念，这是很好的机会，我的经验新思想和新的挑战我自己，我依然存在。我要求帮助每一个通道和reorgonized我的生活。渐渐地，我能理解一些地方，甚至发现数学 interesting.moreover ，我学到采取行动而不是抱怨。回想起来，选择没有留下任何痕迹在我的脑海，但幸福和痛苦的过去4个月成为一个难忘的经验，我的生活。

无论选择是，享受这一过程。在这个过程中，您可能会得到启发和新发现，改善和进步将来找你。这些都是最美丽的风景，只有道路上能看到it.these让您的生活多姿多彩。

没有必要，我donnot要判断是否正确或错误，我来这里，但我祝贺我自己，因为我增益和享受这美妙的经验。因此，我亲爱的朋友们，永远不会担心您的选择和享受的过程。我相信你会得到一些新的和有趣后，今晚你选择到这里来。谢谢您! ideal society。 good evening, ladies and gentlemen: i’d like to start with a group of pictures. modern and advanced? this society forgets, and ignores the other two thirds of human beings.its far from the ideal! we call ideal as a utopian, a place where reality does not exist.a few people still look forward to the ideals.we make fun of them, considering they are naive.will we still be content to live in such a society, if misfortune drops to us? no! of cause not! when we feel the warmth of the sun, these people, endure great sorrows and pains.can we imagine that? they are our brother and sisters! facing them, will we still have the mood shouting for our own freedom? facing them, will we still want to have more and more unneceary stuff? they are unable to meet their needs, even the basic needs of survival! everyone, as a member of humanity, shouldnt feel ashamed? our luxury deprived their lives, our indifference violated our soul, and our barbarity destroyed human civilization! whats the ideal society? its a society no one worries about their living, a society no one is refused from education, a society everyone can pursue his/her own happine! the ideal society is filled with love, joy and kindne.in that society, we can touch the others hearts, we can share our dreams and most important, we can just be the true men! lets break the ethnic divide, bridge the gap between rich and poor, hand in hand, to build a great wall, protecting us from evil; to construct a steady bridge, connecting reality to the ideal society! lets pursue for that, thats the only way to the bright future! they are watching us! thank you! smoking is a greater cause of death and disability than any single disease, says the world health organisation. according to their figures, it is responsible for approximately five million deaths worldwide every year. tobacco smoking is a known or probable cause of approximately 25 diseases, and even the who says that its impact on world health is not fully aeed. heart attack and stroke uk studies show that smokers in their 30s and 40s are five times more likely to have a heart attack than non-smokers. if you smoke for a lifetime, there is a 50% chance that your eventual death will be smoking-relatedlong term survival rates are poor. smoking also increases the risk of oral, uterine, liver, kidney, bladder, stomach, and cervical cancers, and leukaemia. the lung damage which causes emphysema is irreversible, and makes it extremely difficult to breathe. harm to children smoking in pregnancy greatly increases the risk of miscarriage, is aociated with lower birthweight babies, and inhibited child development. smoking by parents following the birth is linked to sudden infant death syndrome, or cot death, and higher rates of infant respiratory illne, such as bronchitis, colds, and pneumonia. nicotine, an ingredient of tobacco, is listed as an addictive substance by the us authorities. although the health risks of smoking are culmulative, giving up can yield health benefits regardle of the age of the patient, or the length of time they have been smoking. future impact by 2020, the who expects the worldwide death toll to reach 10 million, causing 17.7% of all deaths in developed countries. there are believed to be 1.1 billion smokers in the world, 800 million of them in developing countries.篇4：三分钟英语励志演讲稿

三分钟英语励志演讲稿

演讲稿一：三分钟英语励志演讲稿 good afternoon ，ladies and gentlemen！ im very honored to stand here and give you a short speech! to begin with ,i want to ask a question .does everybody dream a good dream last night? actually ,today i want to talk about dream with you.of course, what i want to talk is not a dream you have last night,but a dream—— about life. everyone has dreams about life, different dreams at different life stage,and we need dreams to support us.dreams are like the stars we never reach in the sky,but like most mariners（水手）,we can chart our course by them.with the dream,we have a direction,with a direction, we were no longer confused.with the dream, there is hope,with hope, we have the strength to fight. my breath swallows the sky and make the yellow river overflow, my sword is famous in kyushu and it can collapse the five sacred mountains.at some time in the past i also had am bitious words and i had some achievements.each achievement results from my hard work.i always believe that if you want to have more achievements than others, you must work harder. hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.hold fast to dreams, for when dreams go, life is a barren field frozen with snow.so my dear friends, think of your old and maybe dead dreams.whatever it is, pick it up and make it alive from today.lets--- move ----out! thank you for your listening! 演讲稿二：三分钟英语励志演讲稿——catch the star catch the star that holds your destiny, the one that forever twinkles w ithin your heart. accept the fact that not ev eryone is going to approve of the choices youve made.have faith in your judgment.catch the star that twinkles in your heart and it will lead you t o your destinys path. value your capabilities and talents for they are what make you truly unique.the greatest gifts in life are not purchased, but acquired through hard work and determination. 演讲稿三：三分钟英语励志演讲稿——we are the world ,we are the future someone said we are reading the first verse of the first chapter of a book, whose pages are infinite.i dont know who wrote these words, but ive always liked them as a reminder that the future can be anything we want it to be.we are all in the position of the farmers.if we plant a good seed ,we reap a good harvest.if we plant nothing at all, we harvest nothing at all. we are young.how to spend the youth? it is a meaningful question.to answer it, first i have to ask what do you understand by the word youth? youth is not a time of life, its a state of mind.its not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips or supple knees.its the matter of the will.its the freshne of the deep spring of life. a poet said to see a world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hand, and eternity in an hour.several days ago, i had a chance to listen to a lecture.i learnt a lot there.id like to share it with all of you.lets show our right palms.we can see three lines that show how our love.career and life is.i have a short line of life.what about yours? i wondered whether we could see our future in this way.well, lets make a fist.where is our future? where is our love, career, and life? tell me.yeah, it is in our hands.it is held in ourselves. we all want the future to be better than the past.but the future can go better itself.dont cry because it is over, smile because it happened.from the past, weve learnt that the life is tough, but we are tougher.weve learnt that we cant choose how we feel, but we can choose what about it.failure doesnt mean you dont have it, it does mean you should do it in a different way.failure doesnt mean you should give up, it does mean you must try harder. as what i said at the beginning, we are reading the first verse of the first chapter of a book, whose pages are infinite.the past has gone.nothing we do will change it.but the future is in front of us.believe that what we give to the world, the world will give to us.and from today on, lets be the owners of ourselves, and speak out we are the world, we are the future.篇5：英语演讲稿 an ideal[a?di?l] friend help each other相互帮助；fight side [sa?d] by side并肩作战；happine and sorrow快乐与痛苦 friends can be claified[kl?s?fa?d] into two kinds, good friends and evil[ivl] friends.evil friends lead us astray[?stre] and may destroy[d?str??] our life, while good ones drive[dra?v] us towards[t?rdz] the right and make our life succeful[s?ks?sfl].two of them exist[?ɡz?st] in our daily life.however, ideal friends exist in peoples mind.they should be diligent[d?l?d??nt], succeful and loyal[l???l].when you need help, they will stand beside you and be delighted[d?la?t?d] to give you a hand.also you can share[?e?] your happine[h?p?n?s] and sorrow[s?r??] together. 理想的朋友朋友可以分为两种，益友和狐朋狗友。狐朋狗友会使我们误入歧途，毁了我们的一生；而益友会使我们明辨是非，使我们成功。

日常生活中这两种朋友都存在。然而，在人们心目中仍存在理想的朋友。这种朋友勤奋、成功并忠诚。当你需要帮助时，他们会与你并肩作战，伸出援助之手。他们还可以与你分享快乐与痛苦。我认为朋友要分享一些东西但也要保留自己的秘密，所以我希望我的朋友不会过多地介入我的私事。从另一方面来说，我的朋友和我应有共同之处，同时又有各自的特点。这样我们才可以互相吸引，互相学习。

推荐第7篇：幽默的英语演讲稿

英语演讲幽默开场白

作为一个演讲者，我从观众那只得到过两种抱怨：一种是我讲话声音太大了，他们无法入睡；第二种是我讲得时间太长了，他们无法一直清醒。

作为一个讲演者，他的演讲总拿来和林肯的哥得堡演讲[一个著名的演讲]相比较。当他演讲结束时，也有悲伤、眼泪和悲痛——特别是计划委员会。

幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。

过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳。 i used to get nervous when giving a speech but then i read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked.and so, at this very moment, i’m standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked.and it really works.i no suffer from nervousne.eyestrain.yes 幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了。

创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常

紧张。

创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我. 我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听。 let me put this into plain english.i’ll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了。

创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？

创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。

幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。

幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。

创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？篇2：幽默英语演讲稿

幽默英语演讲稿 love your mother 爱你的母亲

his mom just hugged him and said, and you never will, but thats o.k........ 妈妈拥抱了他说,你永远也不会明白,但没关系... later the little boy asked his father, why does mom seem to cry for no reason?. 后来小男孩问他的父亲妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣? all women cry for no reason, was all his dad could say......所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣,这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的...the little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. 等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候, 他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭. finally he put in a call to god and when god got back to him, he asked god, why do women cry so easily? 最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣? god answered...... 上帝回答: when i made woman, i decided she had to be special. i made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet, 当我创造女人的时候, 我决定把她造的很特别, 我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是, 却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人... i gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection even from her own children. 我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛, 也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害, 甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子... i gave her a hardne that allows her to keep going and take care of her family and friends, even when everyone else gives up, through sickne and fatigue without 我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进, 并且照顾自己的家人和朋友, 甚至当每个人都放弃的时候, 她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言... i gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.even when her child has hurt her badly.... she has the very special power to make a childs boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenagers anxieties and fears.... 我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害她的时候．．．

她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧张与恐惧．．．

我也同样赐她流下眼泪，

这是当她在需要时可以使用的，这是她唯一的软弱之处．．．

当你看到她哭泣的时候，

告诉她你有多么地爱她，

告诉她她为所有人所做的一切，

即使这样她可能还是会哭泣，

但你会使她的心里得到安慰． she is special! please send this to women you know, and those with mothers, sisters, and special women in their lives. 她是独特的！

请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人，有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人． but, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.篇3：中英文幽默演讲

幽默演讲——调侃自己（中英对照）

演讲者如何调侃自己

创新句子：你们或者睡觉，或者不睡，只要不打呼噜，我就接着讲。

幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心。

创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常紧张。

创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我。

创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？

创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们。

幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白。

创新句子：我不知道你们会不会喜欢我的演讲，我不知道我要讲点儿什么。

幽默注释：一开始好象在说自己很牛，其实就是个临时替场。

创新句子：我认为我演讲很风趣，可为什么没人笑呢？

创新句子：我演讲时用一种平缓的语速娓娓道来，观众睡得很香甜。

如果我有点儿犹豫，你们一定要原谅我，这是我第一次饭后演讲——在卖当劳里冲我的小孩儿喊叫除外。 if i’m a little hesitant, you’ll have to excuse me.this is the first after-dinner speech i’ve ever made ---except for yelling at my kids in mcdonald’s.幽默注释：自嘲自己演讲没什么经验。

创新句子：你可能知道我已经养成了饭后演讲的习惯。

我不习惯面对这么多观众演讲，让我鼓起勇气的一件事情就是我在谈论我最喜欢的题目——我。 i’m not used to speaking to such a large audience.the one thing that gives me courage is that i’m speaking on my favorite subject --- me. 幽默注释：电视上老是邀请一些名人在那儿大谈自己，这些人开场可以这么说。人们总问我为什么我戴顶10加仑的红色帽子（或者一些其它非常显眼的衣服饰品），我告诉他们那是我采取的积极现实的生活态度。我知道不管发生什么事情，善良的上帝总在注视着我们。现在地球上有60亿人，我希望上帝能从芸芸众生中一眼就挑出我来。

推荐第8篇：三分钟幽默英语演讲稿

新初中幽默英语演讲稿 love your mother 爱你的母亲

尊敬的评委，各位同学：

下午好！

大学生英语演讲稿17 change the ingredients of your life 十

七、王晨，20岁，安徽

change the ingredients of your life if kindne is added to a strange you will have a friend; but if hostility is added, you will have an enemy.if love is added to a pile of red bricks you will have a home, but if hatred is add to those bricks , you will have an concentration camp. so my dear friend, if faith, hope, love, endurance are added to your life, you will find the confidence to conquer your limitation and embrace new challenges.and hopefully with my speech included, you will have a fantastic speech contest.改变生活的味道

善待他人，你会拥有朋友；但如果充满恶意，则会多个敌人。将爱赋予一堆红砖，你会拥有一个家；用仇恨来浇铸这堆红砖，就会铸成一座集中营。

因此亲爱的朋友们，不要抱怨人生乏味，世间无望。不喜欢生活的味道，那就换一换生活的调料吧！

大学生英语演讲稿16 十

吉卜林说过:东方是东方，西方是西方，二者永不相聚。但是一个世纪后的今天，东西方相汇了! 它们相聚在经济领域，它们相聚在教育领域，它们相聚在艺术的殿堂。有人争论说:这种融合需要我们在东方和西方之间做出选择，但我却坚信最美好的未来在于东方和西方创造性的融合。我们可以将西方的思想，观念和技术变为我们自己所用的东西。我喜爱京剧和河南豫剧，因为它们经常使我想起自己是谁。但我也热衷于流行音乐，特别是英文歌曲。于是我将东方的旋律和西方的语言结合到了一起，它叫做西方版的河南豫剧。

在我们面前有两条河流，东方文化和西方文化。现在，它们也许正朝着不同的方向流去。但是最终它们将汇合到人类文化的海洋里。

推荐第9篇：新初中幽默英语演讲稿

新初中幽默英语演讲稿

Love Your Mother

爱你的母亲

Why are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom?

你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈.

\"Because I\'m a woman,\" she told him.

因为我是女人,她告诉他.

\"I don\'t understand,\" he said.

我不明白.他回答

His Mom just hugged him and said,

\"And you never will, but that\'s O.K.\".......

妈妈拥抱了他说,\"你永远也不会明白,但没关系...\"

Later the little boy asked his father,

\"Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?\".

后来小男孩问他的父亲\"妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣?\"

\"All women cry for no reason,\" was all his Dad could say......

\"所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣\",这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的...

The little boy grew up and became a man,

still wondering why women cry.

等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候,

他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭.

Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked \"God, why do women cry so easily?\"

最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问\"上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣?\"

GOD answered......

上帝回答:

\"When I made woman,

I decided she had to be special.

I made her shoulders

strong enough to carry

the weight of the world, yet,

made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...

\"当我创造女人的时候,

我决定把她造的很特别,

推荐第10篇：英语幽默

The insane asylum

Late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, “I am Napoleon.” Another one said, “ How do you know?”.

The first inmate said, “God told me!”

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, “I did not!”

Improvement

One student said to another, “How are your English leons coming along?”

“Fine, I used to be one who couldn’t understand the English men, and now it’s the English men who can’t understand me.”

All Except the Music

A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her cla to the glories of claical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert.To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lomonade, cake, chocs and ices.Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, “Have you enjoyed yourself today?”

“Oh, yes, mi” said Sally, “It was lovely.All except the music, that is.”

half or five tenths

Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?

Gerad: I would much rather have the half.

Teacher: Think carefully and tell me why.

Gerad: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.

The Reason for being late

Teacher: Why are you late for school every morning?

Jonny: Because every time I get to the corner, a guidepost says, “ School-----Go slowly”.

When do People Talk Least?

St A: When do people talk least?

St B: In February.

St A: Why?

St B: Because February is the shortest month in a year.

Plural Form of Child

T: What’s the plural form of “man”?

S: It’s “men”,.

T:GoodAnd the plural of “child”?

S: Twins.

My Sister’s Fingers

T: Why are you late this time?

S: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking a nail at home.

T: I don’t see any bandages.

S: Oh, they weren’t my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.

What is the climate of New Zealand

T: What’s the climateof New Zealand?

S:Very cold, sir.

T:Wrong.

S: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!

Lightening

T: Why the lightening never strike the same place twice?

S: Because the stroke place isn’t there any more.

How many rabbits?

T: Now, Jonathan, if I gave you three rabbits and then the next day I gave five rabbits, how many rabbits would you have?

S: Nine, sir!

T: Nine?

S: I’ve got one already.

To Go to Heaven

Sunday School teacher: Hands up all those who want to go to Heaven? Hands up……What about you,Terry? You havent’s got your hand up ----don’t you want to go to Heaven?

Terry: I can’t.My Mum told me to go straight home.

I Wasn’t Asleep

When a group of women got on the bus, all the seats wear occupied.The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might mi his stop, he nudged him and said, “ Wake up, sir!”

“I was not asleep,” said the man.

“Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed.”

“I know.I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car”

Our tails

A lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours and then he started again, and he said , “Let me ask the evolutionist a question----If we had tails like a baboon, where are they?”

“I’ll venture an answer, ” said an old lady.“We have worn them off sitting here so long.”

The umbrella

A gentleman staying in a hotel left his umbrella in the hall.He put on the handle a card on which was ritten: “This umbrella belongs to a gentleman who can lift up 100 pounds and I shall be back in ten minutes.”

When he came back , he found, instead of his umbrella, another card on which was ritten: “This card belongs to a man who can run ten miles an hour , I shall not come back.”

The Great Event

T: What great event happened in 1809?

S: Abraham Lincoln was born?

T: Right! And what great event happened in 1812?

S: Lincoln had his third birthday.

Always Share!

An old couple went into a restaurant and ordered something to eat: one Coca Cola and one portion of French fries.The old man sat down and the woman, his wife, sat opposite him, and he began to divide the Coda Cola into two glaes, half for him and half for his wife.He devided all the Frech fries half-and-half..He gave half to his wife and kept half for himself.Then he began to eat and drink,and the woman just drank but didn’t eat.

There was a young man who was standing next to the table and wondering why the old man had divided everything in half, and he thought that maybe they didn’t have any money.He said to the old couple, “I can buy you one more portion; you don’thave to share like that.”

The old man explained, “No,no, no, we have been married for forty years and we always share everything.Whatever we have, we share half and half.Don’t worry, but thank you, anyhow.”

But then after a while, he saw that the woman wasn’t eating, and only the man ate, and he asked, “why aren’t you eating,?” And the wife said, “Today it’s his turn to use the teeth.”

第11篇：英语幽默

The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被宠坏的) .His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him.He hardly left her side.And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气) .Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother\'s loving arms.

When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.

Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?

Cry? John asked.No, I didn\'t cry, but the teacher did!

六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?哭?约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。

Englishman

Once, late at night, an Englishman came out of his room into the corridor of a hotel and asked the servant to bring him a gla of water.The servant did as he was asked.The Englishman re-entered his room, but a few minutes later he came into the corridor again and once more asked the servant for a gla of water.The servant brought him another gla of water.Every few minutes the Englishmen would come out of his room and repeat his request.After a half-hour the astonished servant decided to ask the Englishman what he was doing with the water.\"Nothing,\" the Englishman answered imperturbably, \"It’s simply that my room is on fire.\"一个英国人

一天晚上，一个英国人从他住的旅店房间里走出来。来到走廊上，叫旅店的服务员给他拿一杯水来。服务员按他的要求做了。英国人回到了他的房间里，几分钟后他又来到走廊上，让服务员再给他送一杯水。服务员又给他送了一杯水。每隔几分钟。英国人就走出房间重复他的要求。半小时之后．这位感到惊讶的服务员决定问问房客要这些水干什么，英国人不谎不忙地回答：”没什么．只不过是我的房间里起火了。“

A film crew was on location deep in the desert.One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, \"Tomorrow rain.\" The next day it rained.A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, \"Tomorrow storm.\" The next day there was a hailstorm.

\"This Indian is incredible,\" said the director.He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

However, after several succeful predictions, the old Indian didn\'t show up for two weeks.

Finally the director sent for him.\"I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow,\" said the director, \"and I\'m depending on you.What will the weather be like?\"The Indian shrugged his shoulders.\"Don\'t know,\" he said.\"Radio is broken.\"

天气预报

一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说\"明天下雨.\"第二天果然下雨了.

一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,\"明天有风暴.\"果然,第二天下了雹暴.

\"印度人真神,\"导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气.

几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了.

最后,导演派人去把他叫来了.\"我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,\"导演说,\"这得靠你了.明天天气如何啊?\"

印度人耸了耸肩.\"我不知道,\"印度人说,\"收音机坏了.\"

第12篇：幽默英语

英语幽默对话buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）女:Actually I\'d rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱.)

经典对话二：

男：Can I have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）

女：Why? Don\'t you already have one? （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？）经典对话三：

男：I\'m a photographer.I\'ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）

女：I\'m a plastic surgeon.I\'ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）

经典对话四：

男：Is this seat empty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧？）

女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。）经典对话五：

男：Haven\'t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）

女：Yes.That\'s why I don\'t go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）

经典对话六：

男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）女：Sorry.I\'m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。）经典对话七：

男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）

女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）

第13篇：幽默英语自我介绍

搞笑幽默的介绍不仅能够使大家容易接受，而且气氛活跃自己也不会紧张，本文为大家整理了幽默英语自我介绍，仅供参考！

篇1：幽默英语自我介绍

I am a man, not a woman.XX years old, the height of XX metersno examination, general undergraduateeating chicken in the table in a multinational company, although is cleaning the table, but treatment is very favorable, if you don\'t arrive late or leave early.You could get the full 800 yuan yeah),

I have a housean environmentally friendly nonnothing in it.

I want to find a rich and beautiful city, tall and slim, gentle and lovely, reasonable, full of wit, ability of extraordinary woman now, similar to Bill Gates\'s daughter, Buffett\'s granddaughter and so on can be considered.

篇2：幽默英语自我介绍

My name is * * *, thirteen years old this year, just first second.

I am tall medium, 1, 66, and then ranked the tenth cla, long face short nose, big feet have big hands, little eyes are not small, especially God\'s eyes, a big mouth to say, just say, \"said one hour is also no problem, not tall not short the body, not fat not thin.In general, it is still more handsome.

I go to school in Beijing City, our school uniform is not good, all is blue, so it is very good to recognize, one is the middle school students.

My advantage is love, every morning I go out to exercise, run, play the horizontal bar, and so on.

So, my school sports are very good, my study is also not to be questioned, the math exam has never been 90 points, my English is also good.So, my face is always the joyful expreion of the overflowing.

My shortcoming is that I can\'t play basketball, I don\'t know what\'s the matter, I don\'t like it, and I don\'t like i

I always get out of cla and don\'t pay attention to it.So, after the teacher called me, I was full of confidence to stand up, eighty percent are right, the harm of the teacher is angry and laugh.

This is me, as soon as I see me, I always laugh, I will greet you enthusiastically, come on!

篇3：幽默英语自我介绍

Hi, guys.As you know, we\'re fellow students.You are all familiar with me.So, what should I start with? Haw, it\'s somewhat embarraing to tell you what you know well.But it doesn\'t matter at all.I\'m here just for practicing my English.It\'s very important of your support.Let\'s go to busine now.

Hum-hum, first of all, you all know well my name.I\'m from XX.Besides, I cannot tell you how old I am because it\'s a secret of a lady\'s age.The next, I like singing, swimming,crying, haw-haw...It is too much than what I could tell in one time.I like icecream, apple, orange, banana, and so on.Then let me introduce my family.My father...,and my mother...What a pity that I have no brothers or sisters.But fortunately, I have you as my clamates and friends.You really help me a lot.As well, I also enjoy helping each of you.Do you know my personalities? In fact, I\'m not so clear.

8、Hello everyone!I\'m so glad that all of you can come here today.First,my neme is xxx(your name here).You must want to know my

[ 幽默英语自我介绍]相关文章：

第14篇：英语幽默故事

外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

1、That man knows the future

Nasreddin was cutting a branch of a tree in his garden.While he was sawing, another man paed in the street.He stopped and said, \'Excuse me, but if you continue to saw that branch like that, you will fall down with it.\' He said this because Nasreddin was sitting on the branch and cutting it at a place between himself and the trunk of the tree.Nasreddin said nothing.He thought, \'This is some foolish person who has no work to do and goes about telling other people what to do and what not to do.\' The man continued on his way.Of course, after a few minutes, the branch fell and Nasreddin fell with it.\'My God!\' he cried.\'That man knows the future!\' and he ran after him to ask how long he was going to live.But the man had gone.

2、You\'ll soon get used to it?

An old man died and left his son a lot of money.But the son was a foolish young man, and he quickly spent all the money, so that soon he had nothing left.Of course, when that happened, all his friends left him.When he was quite poor and alone, he went to see Nasreddin, who was a kind, clever old man and often helped people when they had troubles.\'My money has finished and my friends have gone,\' said the young man.\'What will happen to me now?\' \'Don\'t worry, young man,\' answered Nasreddn.\'Everything will soon be all right again.Wait, and you will soon feel much happier.\' The young man was very glad.\'Am I going to get rich again then?\' he asked Nasreddin.\'No, I didn\'t mean that,\' said the old man.\'I meant that you would soon get used to being poor and to having no friends.\'

Nasreddin put two big baskets of grapes on his donkey and went to market.At midday it was very hot, so he stopped in the shade of a big tree.There were several other men there, and all of them had donkeys and baskets of grapes too.After their lunch they went to sleep.After some time, Nasreddin began to take grapes out of the other men\'s baskets and to put them in his.

Suddenly one of the men woke up and saw him.\'What are you doing?\' he said angrily.

\'Oh,\' said Nasreddin, don\'t worry about me.I am half mad, and I do a lot of strange things.\'

\'Oh, really?\' said the other man.\'Then why don\'t you sometimes take grapes out of your baskets and put them in somebody else\'s baskets?\'

\'You did not understand me,\' said Nasreddin.I said，that I was half mad, not quite mad.\' 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

纳斯瑞丁将两大筐葡萄放在他的毛驴背上，赶着驴向市场去。中午时，天气很炎热，他在一颗大树的树荫下停了下来。那里还有几个人，他们都带着毛驴并驮着一筐筐葡萄。吃完中饭后，这些人就睡觉了。过了一会儿，纳斯瑞丁就开始从别人筐里拿葡萄往自己筐里放。

突然，一个人醒来并看见了他在干这件事。“你在干什么？”他愤怒地说。

“哦，”纳斯瑞丁说：“不要为我担心，我是个半疯子，而且常常做一些奇怪的事。”

“啊，是吗？”另一个人说：“那么你为什么不有时从你的筐中拿葡萄往别人筐里放呢？”

“你还没明白我的话，”纳斯瑞丁说：“我说我只是个半疯，并不是全疯。”

There was a big garden near Nasreddin\'s house, and it had a lot of fruit trees in it.One day Nasreddin saw some beautiful apples on one of them.He went home and got a ladder, put it against the high wall of the garden and climbed up.Then he pulled the ladder up, put it down on the other side, and climbed down into the garden.Just then a gardener came round a corner and saw him.

\'What are you doing here?\' he shouted.

Nasreddin thought quickly and then said, 11 am selling my ladder.\'

\'Selling your ladder? In somebody else\'s garden? Do you think I believe such a stupid story?\' said the gardener and came towards Nasreddin with a stick.

\'It is my ladder,\' said Nasreddin, \'and I can sell it where I like.You needn\'t buy it if you don\'t want to.\' And he took his ladder and climbed over the wall again.

靠近纳斯瑞丁的家有一座大花园，花园中有很多果树。一天，纳斯瑞丁看见一颗果树上有些苹果长得很好。他就回家去拿了一个梯子，把梯子靠在花园的高墙上后就爬了上去。然后拿起梯子，把它放在墙那边，下了梯子就进了花园。正好这时，花园的园丁从墙角转过来看见了他。外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

“你在这里干些什么？”花园的园丁叫喊道。

纳斯瑞丁很快想了想，然后说道：“我正在卖我的梯子呢。”

“卖你的梯子？在别人的花园里卖梯子？你认为我会相信这种蠢话吗？”说着，花园的园丁拿着根棍子向纳斯瑞丁走来。

“这是我的梯子，”纳斯瑞丁说：“我想在哪里卖就在哪里卖。如果你不想要就不买好了。”接着，他拿着梯子又爬过了围墙。

Nasreddin woke up in the middle of the night and saw something white in his garden.It seemed to be moving towards the house.

\'That is a thief!, he thought, and he took his gun and shot at him.Then he went back to bed, because he was too frightened to go out of the house in the dark.

The next morning Nasreddin went out and saw one of his white shirts hanging\' on the clothes-line in the garden.His wife had washed it the day before and hung it out to dry.Now it had a bullet-hole right through the middle of it.

\'My God,\' said Nasreddin, 11 was lucky last night.If I had been wearing that shirt, the bullet would have killed me!\' And he called his neighbours together and asked them to thank God for saving him.

纳斯瑞丁半夜醒来，看见一个白色的东西在他花园里。看起来好像在向屋子这边移动着。

“是贼！”纳斯瑞丁想，接着他拿出枪向贼射击。然后，他又上床睡觉了，因为他害怕，所以不敢在黑暗中走出屋子。

第二天早晨，纳斯瑞丁出来看见他的一件白衬衣挂在花园里的晒衣绳上。是他的妻子前一天将衬衣洗好后挂在外面晾干的。现在在它中间有一个子弹孔正好穿过。

“我的天，”纳斯瑞丁说：“昨夜我真是走运，要是我穿上这件衬衣，子弹就把我打死了！”接着他就把邻居们召集在一起，并要他们一块儿感谢上帝救了他的命。外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

When Nasreddin was a boy, he never did what he was told, so his father always told him to do the opposite of what he wanted him to do.

One day, when the two were bringing sacks of flour home on their donkeys, they had to cro a shallow river.When they were in the middle of it, one of the sacks on Nasreddin\'s donkey began to slip, so his father said, \'That sack is nearly in the water! Pre down hard on it!\'

His father of course expected that he would do the opposite, but this time Nasreddin did what his father had told him to do.He preed down on the sack and it went under the water.Of course, the flour was lost.

\'What have you done, Nasreddin?\' his father shouted angrily.

\'Well, Father\', said Nasreddin, ,this time I thought that I would do just what you told me, to show you how stupid your orders always are.\'

当纳斯瑞丁还是个孩子的时候，他从不照着别人说的去做，所以他爸爸想让他做什么时，总是反着说。

一天，他们俩用毛驴驮着几袋面粉回家时，他们路过必经的一条浅水河。当他们走到河中间时，纳斯瑞丁赶的驴子驮的一个口袋开始滑动，所以他爸爸说：“那个口袋快要滑到水里了！使劲将它向下压！”

纳斯瑞丁的爸爸当然预料他会反着做，但是这一次纳斯瑞丁却照着他爸爸说的做了。他向下压口袋，口袋掉到了水里。当然，面粉也就完了。

“你干了些什么，纳斯瑞丁？”他爸爸生气地叫了起来。

“哦，爸爸，”纳斯瑞丁说：“这一次我想我偏要照你说的做，让你看看你的指挥一向是多么愚蠢。”

Nasreddin had lost his donkey.He was going about looking for it everywhere, and while he was looking, he was singing gaily.

One of his neighbours saw him and said, \'Hullo, Nasreddin.What are you doing?\' 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

\'I am looking for my donkey,\' answered Nasreddin.

\'Don\'t you know where it is?\' asked the neighbour.

\'No, I don\'t.\'

\'Then why are you singing so gaily? Usually when somebody loses something, he is sad.\'

\'Yes, that is quite true,\' answered Nasreddin.\'But you see, I am not yet sure that my donkey is lost.My last hope is that it is behind that hill over there.If you wait a little, you will hear how I will cry and complain if it is not there!\'

纳斯瑞丁的毛驴丢了。他四处寻找，并且一边找一边高兴地唱着歌。

一个邻居看见他这副样子，就问：“喂，纳斯瑞丁，你在干嘛？”

“我正在找我的毛驴呢，”纳斯瑞丁回答。

“你不知道驴子在哪儿吗？”邻居问道。

“我不知道。”

“那么，你为什么还这么高兴地唱着歌呢？通常人们丢失了东西时总是很悲伤的。”

“是的，你说的很对，”纳斯瑞丁回答说：“但是你要知道，我并没有认为我的驴子确实已经丢了。我的最后一个希望是驴就在那边的那座山后面。如果驴不在那里的话，等一会儿，你就会听到我是怎样的哭喊和抱怨了。”

One winter Nasreddin had very little money.His crops had been very bad that year, and he had to live very cheaply.He gave his donkey le food, and when after two days the donkey looked just the same, he said to himself, \'The donkey was used to eating a lot.Now he is quickly getting used to eating le; and soon he will got used to living on almost nothing.\'

Each day Nasreddin gave.the donkey a little le food, until it was hardly eating anything.外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

Then one day, when the donkey was going to market with a load of wood on its back, it suddenly died.\'How unlucky I am,\' said Nasreddin.\'Just when my donkey had got used to eating hardly anything, it came to the end of its days in this world.\' 1.What was the matter with Nasreddin one winter?

2.Why had this happened?

3.What did he have to do?

4.What did he do to his donkey?

5.What happened after two days?

6.What did Nasreddin then say to himself?

7.What did he do each day after that?

8.What was the donkey doing in the end?

9.What happened to the donkey?

10.When did it happen?

11.What did Nasreddin say?

一年冬天，纳斯瑞丁身上只有很少一点钱了。这年他的庄稼长得很不好，他只得十分节省地过日子。他给驴子喂的食料比过去少了。两天以后，驴子看起来和往日一样，纳斯瑞丁就自言自语地说：“这头驴过去习惯于吃得很多，现在它很快就适应吃得比过去少了；很快它就会适应几乎什么都不吃了。”

以后，纳斯瑞丁每天一点一点地减少喂驴的食料，直到这驴几乎什么都不吃。

后来有一天，当这驴子驮着一驮木头赶集去的时候，它突然死了。“我真是太倒霉了，”纳斯瑞丁说：“就在我的驴子刚刚适应几乎什么都不用吃时，它在这世上却又活到头了。

Nasreddin\'s wife was very ill, and at last she died.After a few months, Nasreddin married again.His new wife was a widow.

Exactly seven days after he married her, she had a baby.外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

Nasreddin at once hurried away to the market and bought some paper, some pencils, some pens and some children\'s books.Then he hurried back home again with these things and put them beside the baby.His now wife was surprised.\'What are you doing?\' she said.\'The baby won\'t be able to use.those things for a long time Why are you in such a hurry?\'

Nasreddin answered, \'You are quite wrong, my dear.Our baby is not an ordinary baby.It came in seven days instead of nine months, so it will certainly be ready to learn to read and write in a few weeks from now.\' 1.What happened to Nasreddin\'s first wife?

2.What did Nasreddin do?

3.When did he do this?

4.What was his new wife?

5.What happened to his new wife then?

6.When did it happen?

7.What did Nasreddin do at once?

8.What did he buy?

9.What did he do with these things?

10.How did his wife feel?

11.What did she say to Nasreddin?

12.What did he answer?

纳斯瑞丁的妻子得了重病，最后死去了。几个月以后，纳斯瑞丁又结了婚。他的新妻子原先是一个寡妇。

正好在他们结婚七天以后，她生下一个孩子。

纳斯瑞丁马上赶到市场买了一些纸、铅笔、钢笔和一些儿童图书。然后，他带着这些东西匆匆地回家，并把这些东西放在婴儿的旁边。他的新婚妻子很吃惊。“你这是在干嘛？”她说：“这孩子用这些东西还早着呢，你忙什么？” 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

纳斯瑞丁回答说：“你说的可太不对了，亲爱的。我们的孩子是个不同寻常的孩子。他用七天而不是九个月来到世上，所以从现在起几星期以后，他一定会愿意学习识字和写字了。”

Some of Nasreddin\'s old friends were talking about the young people in their town.They all agreed that old people were wiser than young people.Then one of the old men said, \'But young men are stronger than old men.\'

All of them agreed that this was true, except Nasreddin.He said, \'No.I am as strong now as when I was a young man.\'

\'What do you mean?\' said his friends.\'How is that poible? Explain yourself!\'

\'Well,\' said Nasreddin, \'in one corner of my field there is a rock.When I was a young man I used to try to move it, but I couldn\'t because I was not strong enough.I am an old man now, and when I try to move it, I still cannot.\' 1.Who were talking at the beginning of this story?

2.What were they talking about?

3.What did they all agree?

4.What did one of the old men say then?

5.What did the others do?

6.Who did not agree?

7.What did he say?

8.What did his friends say then?

9.What did Nasreddin answer?

10.Why did he think that he was as strong as when he was a young man?

11.What mistake was he making when he thought this? 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

纳斯瑞丁和一些老朋友正在谈论着他们镇上的年青人。他们一致认为老年人比年青人更有智慧。后来有位老人说：“不过年青人要比老年人力气大。”

他们都承认这是事实，但纳斯瑞丁除外。他说：“不，我现在的力气和我年青时一样大。”

“这话是什么意思呢？”他的朋友们说：“这可能吗？你解释一下！”

“哦，”纳斯瑞丁说：“我田里的一个角落里有一块石头。我年青时常常使劲把它挪走，但是我挪不动它，因为我只有那点力气。现在我老了，当我使劲把它挪走时，我还是挪不动它。”

When Nasreddin\'s first wife died, he married again.His second wife was much younger than he was and they often quarrelled.One evening when Nasreddin came home very late, his wife said to him, \'I cooked your dinner two hours ago.It is quite spoiled now.\' She was so angry that she gave him a push, and as she was strong, and he was old and weak, he fell down the stairs.

One of Nasreddin\'s neighbours, who was always eager to know what was happening in everybody else\'s house, was listening, and when she heard the noise that Nasreddin made when he fell down the stairs, she came to his front door and knocked.

\'What has happened?\' she said.

\'My coat fell down the stairs,\' he answered.

\'But a coat would not make so much noise!\' the neighbour said.

\'Of course it would,\' answered Nasreddin, \'if I was inside it!\' 1.What happened when Nasreddin\'s first wife died?

2.What was his second wife like?

3.What did he and his second wife often do?

4.What did Nasreddin do one night?

5.What did his wife say?

6.How did she feel? 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

7.What did she do?

8.What happened then?

9.Why was she able to push him over?

10.Who was listening?

11.Why was she listening?

12.What did she do?

13.When did she do this?

14.What did she say?

15.What did Nasreddin answer?

16.What did the woman say then?

17.What was Nasreddin\'s answer?

纳斯瑞丁的第一个妻子死后，他又娶了一个。他的第二个妻子比他年轻得多，他们常常争吵。一天傍晚，纳斯瑞丁回家很迟，他妻子就对他说：“两小时前我就给你做好了晚餐，现在都放坏了。”她很生气，所以推了纳斯瑞丁一下。她很强壮，而纳斯瑞丁却又老又弱，所以他就从楼梯上摔了下来。

纳斯瑞丁有一位邻居，她总是热衷于打听别人家里发生的事，这时她正听着。当她听到纳斯瑞丁从楼梯摔下的声音后，她就来纳斯瑞丁的前门敲门。

“出了什么事了？”她说。

“我的衣服从楼梯上掉下去了。”他回答。

“一件衣服会发出这么大的声音吗！”这位邻居说。

“当然会，”纳斯瑞丁回答说：“如果我在衣服里面的话！”

One of Nasreddin\'s rich neighbours gave a big party one evening, but he forgot to invite him.Nasreddin waited and waited, but no invitation came, so at last, when the party had already begun, he 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

took a piece of paper, folded it, put it in an envelope and took it to his neighbour\'s house.

\'I have a very important letter for the host,\' he said to the servants at the door.The servants took him into the big room where everybody was eating, Nasreddin gave the letter to his rich neighbour and at once sat down and began to fill his mouth with food.

The host looked at the envelope, but there was nothing on it, so he said, \'Are you sure that this letter is for me? There is no addre on it.\'

\'Oh, yes,\' said Nasreddin, \'and there is no writing inside it either because it was prepared in a hurry.\' 1.What happened one evening?

2.What did the man forget to do?

3.What did Nasreddin do at first?

4.What did he do then?

5.What did he say?

6.Whom did he say this to?

7.What did the servants do?

8.What was everybody doing?

9.What did Nasreddin do?

10.What did he do then?

11.What did the host do?

12.What was there on the envelope?

13.What did the host say to Nasreddin?

14.What did Nasreddin answer?

一天傍晚，纳斯瑞丁的一位富有的邻居举行了一个盛大的晚会，但他忘记邀请纳斯瑞丁了。纳斯瑞丁等了又等，但仍然没有人来请他，最后，外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

当宴会早已开始后，他拿出一张纸，叠好后装在信封里，带着它到邻居家里去了。

“我有一封很重要的信要给主人，”他对门口的侍者们说。侍者们领他到大厅里，大家正吃着，纳斯瑞丁将信交给他这位富有的邻居，然后马上坐下，将食品塞满嘴里。

主人看着信封，可是上面一个字也没有，于是他问：“你肯定这封信是给我的吗？上面连地址都没有。”

“噢，是的，”纳斯瑞丁说：“并且信里也什么都没有写，因为信是在匆忙中准备的。”

A rich man and his wife went into a shop to buy a bracelet.Neither of them was very young.They looked at a lot of beautiful bracelets, and after half an hour there were two which they liked very much, but they had not yet been able to choose between them.One of them was very expensive, and the other was quite a lot cheaper.

Of course, the shopkeeper wanted to sell them the more expensive one, because then he would get more money from them, so he said to the lady, \'Oh, go on.Spend his money.If you don\'t, he will only spend it on his second wife.\'

For several seconds nobody said a word, and then lady said angrily, \'I am his second wife!\' 1.Who went into the shop in this story?

2.Why did they go in there?

3.What happened after half an hour?

4.What were the two bracelets like?

5.What did the shopkeeper want?

6.How old were they?

7.What did they do in the shop?

8.Why did he want this? 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

9.What did he say to the lady?

10.Did she answer at once?

11.What did she say?

12.How did she feel?

一位富翁和他的太太到商店里去买手镯。他们俩都不年轻了。他们看了很多漂亮的手镯，隔了半小时，他们选中了两只最喜欢的，但他们却难以在二者之间再作出选择。二者之中有一只很昂贵，另一只却便宜得多。

店主当然想把贵的一只卖给他们，因为这样他就可以赚他们更多的钱，于是他就对那位太太说：“好吧，买这只吧，花掉他的钱。如果你不花，他就会把钱都花在他的第二位太太身上。”

好几分钟过去了，谁都没有开口，终于那位太太愤怒地开口说：“我就是他的第二位太太！”

Mrs.Evans went to a large local cinema one summer afternoon.Half-way through the wonderful film there was the usual interval, so that people could buy sweets, chocolates and ice-cream.

Mrs.Evans rarely bought anything in the cinema, but this time she was feeling hot, so she thought, \'I\'ll have an ice-cream to cool me.I certainly need it.\' Quite a lot of the audience were waiting to buy ice-creams from the girl who was selling them, so Mrs.Evans waited for her turn.

There was a small boy in front of her.When it was his turn, he offered the girl ten pence and asked for an ice-cream, but they cost twenty pence, so the girl said, \'I want another ten pence, please.\'

The small boy put the coin back in his pocket, put his hand in another pocket, took out another ten pence coin and offered that to the girl.

Mrs.Evans was so amused that she paid the other ten pence herself.

A.Answer these questions.外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

1.Why did Mrs.Evans decide to have an ice-cream ii the cinema?

2.Why did :she have to wait before she could buy it?

3.Why did the girl ask the small bay for more money?

4.What did the boy do then?

5.Why did Mrs.Evans help him?

B.Which words in the story mean:

1.big

2.make le hot

3.not at all frequently

4.people in a theatre or cinema

5.should be able to

C.Write this story.Put one word in each empty space.You will find all the correct words in the story.

A man was boasting to a stranger about the beer in his town.

\'Why is it so ...?\' the stranger asked.\'Is it stronger than the ...beer?\'

\'It ...is!\' said the ...man.\'I\'ve ...found a stronger one.A friend of mine was at a cinema, and ...through the film, during the ..., he went to the bar and had a few glaes of it to ...himself, because he felt hot.Then he went into the cinema again.\'

\'Well, and what\'s so wonderful about that?, asked the stranger, putting a ...down as a tip for the barman.

\'When he went in again, he found that there was a different film and a different ..., and when he asked one of them, he discovered that it was the next night!\'

一个夏天的下午，埃文斯太太到当地的一所大电影院去看电影。精采的电影放到一半时，通常总有一个中间休息，使大家在这时能买些糖果、巧克力和冰淇淋。外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

埃文斯太太在电影院里很少买东西吃，但这次她感到很热，所以她想：“我得吃块冰淇淋凉快凉快，我确实需要吃冰淇淋。”很多观众都等着从一个卖冰淇淋的姑娘那里购买，所以埃文斯太太排队等着。

有一个小男孩排在她的前面。当轮到这个男孩买时，他给姑娘10个便士要买一块冰淇淋，但冰淇淋要20个便士，所以这姑娘就说“请给我另外的10个便士。”

这个小男孩把那个硬币放回口袋，把手伸入另外一个口袋，拿出另一个10便士的硬币，交给了那个姑娘。

埃文斯太太被逗乐了，结果她付了那另外的10个便士。

Timothy was ten years old.He was not a very good pupil, and he did not like having to do homework, because he preferred to do other things in his free time.Frequently he did not do his homework, and when he did do it, he always made a lot of mistakes.

Then one day, his mathematics teacher looked at Timothy\'s homework and saw that he had got all his sums right.He was very pleasedand rather surprised.He called Timothy to his desk and said to him, \'You got all your home- work right this time, Timothy.What happened? Did your father help you?\'

Usually Timothy\'s father did help him with his home- work, but the evening before this, he had not been able to, because he had not been at home, so Timothy answered, \'No, sir.He was busy last night, so I had to do it all myself.\'

A.Answer these questions,

1.What kind of homework did Timothy\'s teachers expect to see from him?

2.Why was one of his teachers surprised one day?

3.What did he think had happened?

4.Did Timothy usually do his homework alone?

5.When Timothy\'s father helped him with his homework, did he get all of it right? 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

B.Opposites.Write these sentences.Put one word In each empty space.

1.Timothy isn\'t free this evening: he is ....He is doing his homework.

2.Timothy didn\'t get his sums right frequently.He got them right very ....

3.Timothy was an honest boy.He was never ....

4.Timothy\'s teacher didn\'t think it was poible that he had done his homework without

help.He thought it was ....

5.Timothy wasn\'t ashamed of his homework that day: he was ...of it.

蒂莫西10岁了。他不是个很好的学生，而且不喜欢做该做的家庭作业，因为他在课外时间里更喜欢去干些不相干的事。他经常不完成家庭作业，而且，就算他做了，也总是错误百出。

后来有一天，蒂莫西的数学老师批阅他的家庭作业时，发现他的答案全都算对了。老师十分高兴，而且颇为吃惊。他把蒂莫西叫到他的桌子旁并对他说：“这次你的家庭作业全做对了，蒂莫西。怎么回事？是你爸爸帮你做的吗？”

以往蒂莫西的爸爸的确是常常帮他做家庭作业，但那天的前一个晚上，他爸爸因为不在家，没能帮他做，所以蒂莫西回答说：“不是，先生。他昨天晚上很忙，所以我只好全部自己动手做了。”

A man met a friend in the street and asked him to lend him five pounds.The friend did so willingly,

A week later they met again.\'You\'ve lent me￡5.Lend me another ;￡5, and then I\'ll owe you￡10,\' the friend said.The man did so,

A few days later they met again, and the friend said, \'You lent me￡10.Lend me another ;￡10, and then I\'ll owe you ;￡20.\' The man did this, although he was rather doubtful about doing it.

Two weeks later the friend asked for more money.\'You\'ve already lent me￡20.Can you make it￡50?\' he said.

The man did not answer for a few seconds, but he was unable to refuse.外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

A month later, the two men met again.\'You\'ve lent me￡50_,\'began the friend.

\'Who? Me?\' answered the man anxiously.\'I disagree! I\'ve never lent you any money!\'

A.Answer these questions.

1.How did the man feel when his friend asked him for the first five pounds?

2.How did he feel when his friend asked him for the second ten pounds?

3 .Why did he then lend him thirty more pounds?

4.Why did he say finally that he had never lent his friend any money?

5.How many times did the man lend his friend money; and how much did he lend him each time?

B.Opposites.What words in the story mean the opposite of:

1.accept

2.agree

3.calmly

4.certain

5.unwillingly

C.Write this story.Put one of these words or no word at an, in each empty space:

It net so

A: \'Can you lend me ten pounds, George?\'

B: \'I think ....Can I have it back on Friday?,

A: \'I doubt ....Won\'t next Sunday be all right?\'

B: \'I\'m afraid ....I need it for Saturday., 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

A: \'I see ....I was afraid ....Everybody needs money on Saturday.\'

B: \'I agree ....You see, my wife

A: \'You don\'t, have to explain ....I understand ....\'

B: \'I hope ....When I have to refuse a.friend, I don\'t like

一个男人在街上遇到了一个朋友，就向他借5英镑钱。这个朋友乐意地借给了他。

一星期后他们又碰到了一起。“你已经借给我5镑了，再借给我5镑，这样我就欠你10镑了，”借钱的朋友说。那个男人借给他了。

几天以后他们又相见了，那个借钱的朋友说：“你借给了我10镑，再借给我10镑，那么我就欠你20镑了。”那个男人就借给了他，尽管他很怀疑该不该这么做。

两星期后借钱的朋友又要借更多的钱。“你已经借给我20镑了，你可以凑成50镑吗？”他说。

那个男人好几分钟答不上话，但他难以拒绝。

一个月以后，这两人又相遇了。“你已经借给我50镑了„„，”那个借钱的朋友又开口了。

“谁？我吗？”那个男人急忙地回答说：“我没这事！我从没有借给你一分钱！”

41.You Let Me Search Quite

Once upon a time, there was a man who always forgot things.One day, he went out with his little son.He was so happy that he put the son ride his neck.外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

After a time, he suddenly thought of his son, he asked people: \"Have you seen my child?\"

One of his villagers laughed and said: \"Don\'t you know he is on your neck?\"

Hearing this, the man took down his son from his neck, he was so angry that he hit the son on the face, then shouted: \"I have told you not to go here and there.Where did you go just now?\" Notes:

(1) think of想起

(2) hearing this听到这话。这是个分词短语，相当于一个表示时间的状语从句，即：When he heard this.Exercises: 根据短文填空：

① Once ______ a time, there was a man who always forgot things.

② He was so happy that he put the son ______ his neck.

③ After _______ time, he suddenly thought of his son.

④ _______ this, the man took down his son from his neck.

⑤ He was so angry that he hit the son _______ the face .

41.叫我好找

古时，有个人记性极差。一天，他带着小儿子出去玩。一高兴，便把小儿子举起来，让他骑在自己的脖子上。

过了一会儿，他忽然想起儿子来，逢人便问：“你看到我孩子了吗？”

“哎，你脖子上的那个不是吗？”有个邻居见了大笑。

这个人一把将小儿子从脖子上揪下来，狠狠地打了一耳光，骂道：“混蛋，叫你别乱跑，刚才你到哪里去了？”

第15篇：英语幽默故事

英语幽默经典故事

（一）

An old man lived alone in northern ireland.His only son was in prison.The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn\'t know anyone who would help him plow up the garden.

He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, \"for heavens sake, don\'t dig up that garden, that\'s where I buried the guns!\"

At 4 am the next morning, a dozen british soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn\'t find any guns.

Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.

His son\'s reply was: \"just plant your potatoes.\" 词汇：

alone

northern Ireland prison garden plow

receive reply heavens sake dig

bury gun

dozen British soldier entire

confused Happen

短语：译文：

一个老人独居在北爱尔兰，他的独生子正在坐牢。老人想在花园里种些土豆，但不知道谁可以帮忙把泥土翻松。他写信想儿子提及此事，儿子回信说道：“看在上帝的面上，千万不要翻松花园的泥土，我把枪埋在那儿了。”

第二天凌晨4点，一队英国士兵出现在老人家中，在花园把土地翻遍，但并没有找到任何枪支。”

老人写信告诉儿子这件奇怪的事情，问到底发生了什么事情，下一步应该怎么做。

儿子回信道：“你只管种土豆好了。”

（二）

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, \"mom, today in school I was punished for something that I didn\'t do.\"

The mother exclaimed, \"but that\'s terrible! I\'m going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn\'t do?\"

The little girl replied, \"my homework.\" 译文：

一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：“妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩罚。”

妈妈激动地说：“那真是太可怕了！我要跟你的老师好好谈一谈，对了，你没有做过的那件事是什么？”

小女孩回答说：“我的家庭作业。”

（三）

Where Am I 我在哪儿

An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside.He saw a farmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer, \"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?\" \"Yes, \" the farmer looked at him strangely and said, \"you are in your car, sir.\" 译文：

一个英国人在乡下开车时迷了路，他看见一个农民正在附近的地里干活。于是他就把车开过去问那位农民：“劳驾，您能告诉我我现在这是在哪儿吗?” “可以。”农夫奇怪地看了看他，然后说道：“你现在在你的车子里，先生。”

（四）

New Discovery

A farmer was visiting the big city for the first time.Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room.The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.

Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, \"I should have brought my wife!\"

译文：

新发现

一个农民第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年轻漂亮的女模特。

这个农民惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来!”

（五）

A Mistake

An Amercian, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident.They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St.Peterexplained that there had been a mistake.\"Give me $500 each,\" he said, \"and I\'ll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened.\"

\"Done!\" said the American.Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.

\"Where are the others?\" asked a medic.

\"Last I knew,\" said the American, \"the Scot was huggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay.\"

译文：

搞错了

一位美国人，一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。他们到达天堂的门口。在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。“每人给我五百美元，”他说，“我将把你们送回人间，就象什么都没有发生过一样。”

“成交!”美国人说。立刻，他发现自己毫不损伤地站在现场附近。

“其他人在哪儿？”一名医生问道。

“我离开之前，”那名美国人说，“我看见英格兰人正在砍价，而那名加拿大人正在分辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱。”

（六）

A Soldier\'s Brilliant Idea

Mr.Robinson had to travel somewhere on busine, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air.He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat.He found all of them had already had been taken except for one.There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr.Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.

When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it.It was written in ink and said, \"This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you.\" Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.

Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried

3 into the plane.The soldier, who was watching the paengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip.译文：

士兵的高招

由于生意方面的事，罗宾逊先生得出趟门。因为有点紧急，他决定坐飞机。乘机旅行时，他喜欢靠窗坐，故而一登机，他就寻找一个靠窗的座位。他发现只有一个靠窗的座位还空着。在那空座位边坐着一名士兵。令罗宾逊先生纳闷的是，这位士兵没有坐靠窗的位置。罗宾逊先生不管那些，他马上径直朝那个空座位走去。

然而，等到了那儿，他看见座位上有则启事，是用钢笔写的：“为保持装载平衡，特预设该位置，谢谢合作。”罗宾逊先生还从来没有在飞机上见过如此不同寻常的启事。不过，他想飞机上一定装了什么特别重的物品，于是他找了个不靠窗的位置。

又有两三个乘客试图坐在那个士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他们看到那则启事就走开了。当快满座时，一位非常美丽的姑娘匆匆走进机舱。一直在注意进舱旅客的那个士兵赶紧拿掉他旁边空座位上的启事。士兵用这种办法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。

（七）

Keys? Ki?

A friend of mine was giving an English leon to a cla of adult who had recently come to live in the United States.After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the cla to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on.The cla went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, \"Give me the kays.\" The man looked surprised and somewhat at a lo.Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn\'t heard him clearly, so he repeated.\"Give me the kays.\" The Italian shrugged his shoulders.Then, he threw his arms around the teacher\'s neck and kied him on both cheeks. 译文：

钥匙还是接吻

我的一位朋友在给一个成人学生班级上英语课。他们都是新近来美国生活的。在一张桌子上摆了许多日常用品之后，他请全班同学给他挑出尺子，书本，钢笔等。课进行得井然有序，学生们对自己所做的似乎很感兴趣，也很认真。后来轮到一名来自意大利的学生，我的朋友说：“给我钥匙。”那人看起来非常吃惊，也有点手足无措。看到这种情况，我的朋友想是他没有听清楚，于是又重复了一遍：“给我钥匙。”那位意大利学生耸了耸肩。接着，他伸出胳膊搂住老师的脖子在双颊上亲了两下。

（八）

First Flight Mr.Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr.Johnson was very worried about accepting.Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr.Johnson boarded the plane.

His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport.Mr.Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.

After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, \"Look at those people down there.They look as small as ants, don\'t they?\"

\"Those are ants,\" answered his friend.\"We\'re still on the ground.\"

译文：

第一次坐飞机

约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机，他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时，约翰逊先生非常担心，不敢接受。不过，由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的，约翰逊先生终于被说服了，登上了飞机。

他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落，所以他吓得紧闭双眼。

过了一两分钟，他睁开双眼朝窗外望去，接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人，他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小，是不是？”

“那些就是蚂蚁，”他的朋友答道，“我们还在地面上。”

第16篇：英语幽默故事

小学生英语故事

包括：幽默故事（1-7页）、普通小故事（7-40页）。激发小朋友们学英语的兴趣，帮助他们提高成绩。最好每天背一篇，会有不错的效果的 O(∩_∩)O

英文幽默故事：

There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot.There werethree parrots in the shop.One was $5,000; another one, $10,000; and the third one, $30,000.The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That‟s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on.That‟s why he‟s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don‟t know.Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all! But the other two call him „The Bo.‟”

老板最大有个人到一间商店买鹦鹉。店里有三只鹦鹉，其中一只卖五千元，另一只卖一万元，还有一只卖三万元。顾客问老板：「为什么这只要卖五千元？这个价钱对这种鹦鹉来说太贵了！」老板说：「因为我有训练他讲话。」顾客又问：「那这只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「他除了会说话之外，还会表演一些有趣的动作，好比说跳舞等等，所以才卖这么贵。」顾客接着又问：「那第三只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「我不知道。我从没听过他讲话、吹口哨或唱歌，也没看过他跳舞，什么都没有！不过另外两只叫他：『老板！』」

Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word \"egg\"? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg\"? Student:In the cake,Sir.鸡蛋在哪里？

老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？学生：在蛋糕里，先生

Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old.Once he goes to a cinema.It is the first time for him to do that.He buys a ticket and goes in.But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again.After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket.Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket.But a girl asks him,“Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”

汤姆是个小孩，他才7岁。当他去电影院的时候。那时他第一次去。他买了张票进去了。但没过两三分钟他就出来了，然后买了第二张票又进去了。几分钟后他又出来买了第三张票。接着两三分钟后他又出来买票。一个女的问她，“你为什么要买那么多票啊? 你见到了几个朋友？\" \"没有，我里面没朋友，但是每当我进门的时候一位大的女人老把我的票给剪了\"

第17篇：英语幽默故事

英语幽默故事

1 A film crew was on location deep in the desert.One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, \"It will rain tomorrow.\" The next day it rained.一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处进行拍摄。一天，一个印度老人来到导演面前对他说：“明天会下雨。”第二天果然下雨了。

A week later, the Indian went up to the director again and said, \"There will be a storm tomorrow.\" The next day there was a storm.一周以后，印度人又来了，他告诉导演说：“明天会有暴风雨。”果然，第二天有暴风雨。

\"This Indian is incredible,\" said the director.He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.“这个印度人真神，”导演说。他告诉他的秘书去雇佣这个印度人来预测天气。

However, after several succeful predictions, the old Indian didn\'t show up for two weeks.然而，几次预测天气成功之后，这个印度人连续两周没有露面。

Finally the director sent for him.\"I have to shoot an important scene tomorrow,\" said the director.\"And I\'m depending on you.What will the weather be like?\" 最后，导演派人把这个印度人请来了。导演对他说：“我明天必须拍摄一个很重要的场景，全都指望你了，明天天气如何啊？” The Indian shrugged his shoulders.\"I don\'t know,\" he said.\"My radio is broken.\" 这个印度人耸了耸肩说道：“我不知道，我的收音机坏了。” 2 Chief is at the wedding 长官在婚礼上

A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.大街上的一个超速驾驶者被警察拦住了。 \"But officer,\" the man said, \"I can explain.\" “但是警官”这个人说道，“我可以解释的”。

\"Just be quiet,\" snapped the officer.\"I\'m going to put you in jail until the chief gets back.\" “保持安静”，警察突然说道。“我将把你送往监狱，直到长官回来。

\"But ,officer, I ….\" “但是，警察，我，，，”。

\"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!\" “我说过了保持安静，你要到监狱了。”

A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, \"You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter\'s wedding.He\'ll be in a good mood when he gets back.\" 几小时后，警察向监狱里看了看说道“算你运气好，因为我们的长官正在他女儿的婚礼上。他会带着一个愉快的心情回来的。” \"Are you sure?\" answered the man in the cell.\"I\'m the groom.\" “你确定”在牢房里的这个人说道。“我就是新郎呀”。

1.stop

stop to do sth 是停下手上的事去做另一件事 stop doing sth 是停止手上正在做的事

2.speeding n.超速行驶

speeding在这里作名词使用，表示超速行驶，也可以作speed现在分词，表示加速。 eg：So where you headed? Was I speeding too? 你要去哪里？我有超速吗？ 3

Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story.Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.

\"You talk to people on the telephone and don\'t see them on the other end of the line, right?\" he began.

The children nodded yes.\"Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone.He\'s on the other end, but you can\'t see him.He is listening though.\"

Just then a little boy piped up and asked, \"What\'s his number?\"

在电话中交谈

每个星期天牧师都会把孩子们叫到教堂前面，然后给他们讲一个故事。一天，他为了更好地阐述祈祷的含义，带来了一台电话机。

“你们和别人在电话里交谈，并没有看到电话线另一端的人，对吗？”他开始问道。孩子们点头称是。“好的，和上帝交谈就象通过电话交谈一样。他就在另一端，虽然你看不见他，但是他正在聆听你的心声。”

就在这时，一个小男孩尖着嗓子问道：“那他的电话号码是什么？” 3

She\'d rather buy a gift

While on a trip, Mom realized that she had forgotten a present for Dad\'s birthday.\"That\'s okay,\" he said, \"The only thing I want is for you to love, honor and obey.\" Mom pondered that idea and then replied \"I\'d rather buy you a gift.\"

她宁愿买一件礼物

旅途中，妈妈想起她忘记给爸爸买一件生日礼物。\"没关系，\"他说，\"我最想要的东西是你的爱、忠贞和温顺。\"妈妈沉思片刻后回答说，\"我宁愿给你买一件礼物。\" 4 Honey, said the husband to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper.

What? Are you crazy? The house is a me, I haven\'t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don\'t feel like cooking a fancy meal!

I know all that.

Then why did you invite a friend for supper?

Because the poor fool\'s thinking about getting married.

亲爱的，丈夫对妻子说：我邀请了一位朋友回家吃晚饭。

什么？你疯了吗？我们的房子乱糟糟的，我很久没有买过东西回来了，所有的碗碟都是脏的，还有，我可不想做一餐累死人的晚饭。

这些我全都知道。

那你为什么还要邀请朋友回来吃晚饭？

因为那个可怜的笨蛋正考虑要结婚呢。 5 DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?

One day, Tim\'s mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right.The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised.He called Tim to his desk and said to him, You got all your homework right this time, Tim.What happened? Did your father help you?

No, sir.He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself, said Tim.

你爸爸帮你了吗？

一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴，同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说：蒂姆，你这次的作业全都做对了，怎么回事？你爸爸帮你做了吗？不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。

第18篇：英语幽默故事

英语幽默故事

Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word \"egg\"? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg\"? Student:In the cake,Sir.鸡蛋在哪里？

老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？学生：在蛋糕里，先生

Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him.Man:He is really somebody.What does do? Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery 他真是一个大人物

小孩：我叔叔下面有1000个人。

男人：他真是一个大人物。他是干什么的？小孩：墓地守墓人。

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course.He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.一名伟人

老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。

Mr.Smith: Waiter, there\'s a dead fly in my soup. Waiter: Yes, sir, I know---it\'s the heat that kills it.史密斯先生：服务员，我的汤里有一只死苍蝇．

服务员：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被烫死的．

Son: Dad, give me a dime.

Father: Son, don\'t you think you\'re getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I gue you\'re right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you? 儿子：爸爸，给我一角钱。

父亲：儿子，你不认为你已经长大了，不该再老是一角一角地要钱了(该自立了)，不是吗？

儿子：爸爸，我想你是对的，那给我一块钱行吗？

A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate. Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the cla, when they‟re eight or ten years old or something like that.So the eight-year-old kid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?” And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.” So the son asked, “How much does it cost?” And the father said, “I don‟t know, son.I‟m still paying.”

有个小孩爱上了另一个小孩，对方是学校的同学。八岁或十岁左右的孩子有时会迷恋班上某个人，然后就以为自己恋爱了。因此这个八岁的小孩回家问他爸爸：「爸爸，结婚很花钱吗？」爸爸说：「是啊，儿子，非常花钱。」儿子又问：「要花多少钱呢？」爸爸说：「我不知道，儿子，我到现在还一直在付钱啊！」

\"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?\" \"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it.\"

“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”

“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”

“I\'m sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy\'s tooth .” “Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。” “20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”

TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract.Now，can anyone give me a good example?

John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short. 老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子？

约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。

The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours.then he started again, and said he:\"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?\"

\"I\'ll venture an answer, \" said an old lady.\"We have worn them off sitting here so long.\".

教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时，他的话题又来了：“让我向进化论者提个问题——如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴，那么现在尾巴到哪里去了？”

“我来试试看，”一位老太太说。

“该是我们在这里坐这么久把它们磨掉了吧。”

A man was going to the house of some rich person.As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road.He said, \"I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat.\" Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust.He went on and came to a river.The river had become very big; so he could not go over it.He waited for some time; then he said, \"I cannot go to the rich man\'s house today, for I cannot get over the river.\" He began to go home.He had eaten no food that day.He began to want food.He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them.Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time. 【译文】一个人正朝着一个富人的房子走去，当他沿着路走时，在路的一边他发现一箱好苹果，他说：“我不打算吃那些苹果，因为富人会给我更多的食物，他会给我很好吃的东西。”然后他拿起苹果，一把扔到土里去。他继续走，来到河边，河涨水了，因此，他到不了河对岸，他等了一会儿，然后他说：“今天我去不了富人家了，因为我不能渡过河。” 他开始回家，那天他没有吃东西。他就开始去找吃的，他找到苹果，很高兴地把它们从尘土中翻出来吃了。不要把好东西扔掉，换个时候你会觉得它们大有用处。

爱乐奇，游世界，学英语，专为5-12岁儿童设计的英语学习网站，

欢迎访问：http://www.daodoc.com/alo777

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.\"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?\"

\"I gave it to a poor old woman,\" he answered.

\"You\'re a good boy,\" said the mother proudly.\"Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?\" \"She is the one who sells the candy.\"

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home.At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.Now, he asked, \"What\'s the meaning of the word \'Drunk\', dad?\" \"Well, my son,\" his father replied, \"look, there are standing two policemen.If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.\"

\"But, dad,\" the boy said, \" there\'s only ONE policeman!\"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一块儿回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，„醉‟字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night.He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.

Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm.He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his bo: \"I didn\'t have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.\"

\"That\'s fine,\" roared the bo, \"but where were you Monday and Tuesday?\"

安眠药

鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。

星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。” “好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”

普通英语故事

Story 1 I Don‟t Like Her

Bob goes to a new school.

One day he comes back, “Bob, do you like your new teacher?” his mother asks.

“I don‟t like her, Mother.Because first she says that three and three is six, and then she says that two and four is six, too.” 故事1 我不喜欢她

鲍勃的去了所新学校。

一天，他回到家，他妈妈问他：“你喜欢你的新老师吗？”

“不，我不喜欢她，妈妈。因为她先说3加3等于6，然后她又说2加4等于6.”

Story 2 Ten Candies

Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”

“Ten.” Jim says.

“Then,” Mother asks.

“Yes, Mum.Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach.Four and six is ten, isn‟t it right?”

故事2 十块糖

妈妈问儿子：“吉姆，如果你有10块糖，吃了4块，那你还有几块糖？”

“10块。”吉姆说。

“10块？”妈妈问。

“是的，妈妈。因为4块在我的肚子里面，6块在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不对吗？”

Story 3 Count Tomorrow Morning

It‟s a right.John is looking at the sky.

Tom is John‟s younger brother.He asks John “What are you doing?”

John says, “I‟m counting stars.”

Tom laughs and says, “It‟s really dark now.Why not count them tomorrow morning?”

故事3 明天早上数

这是一个晚上。约翰抬头看着天空。

汤姆是约翰的弟弟。他问约翰：“你在干什么？” 约翰说：“我在数星星。”

汤姆笑着说：“现在天空太黑了。你为什么不等到明天早上再数呢？”

Story 4

Are Flies Yummy?

Tony and his father are eating dinner.

Suddenly Tony asks his father, “Dad, are flies yummy?”

Dad frowns and says, “No, I think it‟s yucky.Why do you ask me this question? It‟s a silly question.”

But Tony says, “ There was one fly in your plate.”

故事4 苍蝇好吃吗？

托尼正和他爸爸一起吃晚餐。

突然，托尼问他的爸爸：“爸爸，苍蝇好吃吗？”

爸爸皱眉说：“我想不好吃。你怎么会问这个问题？这可是一个愚蠢的问题。”

可是托尼说：“刚才你盘子里有一只苍蝇。”

Story 5 I Don‟t Want to Walk Home

Tom is a very old man.After dinner, he likes walking in the street.And he goes to bed at seven o‟clock.

But tonight, a car stopped at his house.A policeman helps him get out.He tells Tom‟s wife, “The old man couldn‟t find his way in the street.He asked me to take him in the car.”

After the policeman leaves there, his wife asks, “Tom, you go to the street every night.But tonight you can‟t find the way, what‟s the matter?”

The old man smiles like a child and says, “I couldn‟t find my way? I didn‟t want to walk home.”

故事5 我不想走回家

汤姆是一位老人，他喜欢在晚饭后到大街上散步，在7点回来睡觉。

但是，今天晚上一辆小汽车停在他家门前，汤姆在一位警察的帮助下走下汽车。警察告诉汤姆的妻子：“这位老人在街上迷路了，他让我用汽车送他回来。”

警察走后：“汤姆，你每天都到那条街上散步，但是今天你迷路了，你怎么了？”

这位老人像孩子般的笑道：“我迷路了？我是不想走路回家。”

Story 6 It Must Be Crowded A teacher is telling his students, “The moon is very large.Several millions people can live there.”

And a boy laughs and says, “It must get crowded when it‟s a crescent moon.” 故事6 一定很拥挤

一位告诉学生：“月亮非常大，上面能住几百人。”

一个男孩笑着说：“当月亮变成月牙的时候，住在上面的人该多拥挤啊！”

Story 7 It‟s Good to Admit a Fault

John is not a “good” student.He always sleeps in the cla.Today he sleeps again.

“John!” Teacher says angrily.

“What? What‟s wrong?” John is awaken.

“Why do you make a face? It‟s claroom.Look! Everyone is laughing.” Teacher says. “No one is laughing.” Teacher says.

“No, it‟s not me.I was not making a face.I was sleeping.” John fells upset.“Um.Not bad.You can admit your fault.You are still a good boy.” Teacher is satisfied with it.故事 7 认错

约翰并不是个“好”学生。他总是在上课的时候睡觉。今天他又睡着了。

“约翰！”老师生气地喊他。 “什么？出什么事了？”约翰醒了。

“你为什么要做鬼脸？这是教室！看看！同学们都在笑！”老师生气地说。 “没有人在笑呀。”其他同学笑声地嘀咕。

“不，不是我。我没有做鬼脸。刚才我睡着了。”约翰感到不安。 “嗯，还不错。你承认自己的错误，还是给好孩子”老师为此感到满意。

Story 8

Adding Feet to a Snake

One day, Mr.Lion holds a party.Many animals come and drink a lot of wine.At last there is a pot of wine.Who can drink it? They drink out an idea and decide to have a match-Draw a snake.If you finish first, you can get it.

Soon Mr.Wolf finishes drawing.“Yeah, I‟ve finished.I‟m No.1,” he says.But he draws again and says, “Oh, let me add feet and my snake.” At the time, Mr.Gorilla also finishes.He takes away the pot of wine and drinks, then he says, “That isn‟t a snake.Snakes have no feet.I get the wine.”

故事8

画蛇添足

一天，狮子先生举行一场聚会，许多动物都来了，他们喝很多酒。最后只剩一壶酒了。让谁喝呢？它们想了想，有个主意。它们比赛画蛇，谁最快画好，谁就喝这壶酒。

不一会，狼先生画好了。“哈，我画好了，我是第一个。”它说。可是它又画了起来，它还说：“再给它加几只脚吧。”这是猩猩先生也画好了。它拿起那酒壶喝起来。一边喝一边说：“那不是蛇，蛇是没有脚的，我赢了这壶酒。”

Story 9

Covering One‟s Ears While Stealing a Bell

Mr.Wang thinks he is clever, but he always does foolish things. One day he sees a beautiful bell at the top of a door.“Oh! How nice! I will take it home.” He thinks, “What can I do?” After a while he has a “good” idea.“Aha! I have an idea now.I can plug my ears.Then I will not hear the ring when I take off the bell.”

Then he does so.But as soon as he takes off the bell, the owner opens the door.“What ate you doing?” the owner says angrily.

故事9 掩耳盗铃

王先生总以为自己很聪明，实际上他总干傻事。

一天，他看见一户人家的门头有个很漂亮的铃铛。“啊，真漂亮啊！我要把它拿回家去。”他自言自语道：“我该怎么做呢？”过了一会儿他想到了一个“好”主意。“啊哈！我有办法了！我把耳朵堵上，拿铃铛的时候就听不见铃声了。”

于是他就这样做了。可是他刚拿下铃铛，屋子的主人就打开门，怒气冲冲地说：“你在干什么？”

Story 10

Adding Eyes to a Dragon Mr.Li is a good painter.One day he draws a beautiful dragon without eyes.

Mr.Zhou looks at the picture and says, “The dragon has no eyes.It isn‟t a good picture.”

But Mr.Li smiles and says, “If I add eyes to the dragon, it will fly away.”

Mr.Zhou shakes head and says, “You are boasting.I don‟t believe you.”

Mr.Li isn‟t angry.He holds the paintbrush and adds eyes to the dragon.Woe! The dragon really flies.

故事 10 画龙点睛

李先生是位很好的画家。一天画了一条栩栩如生的龙，但是这只龙没有眼睛。

周先生见了说：“这条龙没有眼睛。这不算一张好画。”

可是李先生笑着说：“如果我给它加上眼睛，它就会飞走了。”

周先生摇头说：“你吹牛。我不相信。”

李先生也不生气，只是拿起笔给龙点上眼睛。哇！龙真的飞走了。

Story 11

Lord Ye‟s Love of the Dragon

There is a young man, Lord Ye.He likes dragons vey much.He draws many dragons in his house.The house becomes a world of dragon.

A red dragon hears of Lord Ye, and is deeply moved.He wants to visit Lord Ye and makes a friend with him.

“Hi, Mr.Ye! Nice to meet you,” the real dragon comes to visit Mr.Ye runs away as fast he can.“Oh, my God! Help! Help!” he runs and shouts.”

故事11

叶公好龙

有个年轻人，姓叶，非常喜欢龙.他在屋里里面了许多许多龙。这屋子都快成了龙的世界。

一龙真龙听说了叶公的事，很受感动，就想去拜访叶公，和他交个朋友。

“嘿。叶先生！很高兴见到你。”这条真龙拜访叶先生了。可是叶先生飞快地逃了。忒边跑边喊：“啊，我的天啊！救命！救命！”

Story 12

I Made Granny Glad

A teacher is telling her students the importance of making others glad.“Now, children,” she says“Did you make someone else glad?”

“Please, teacher,” says a small boy, “I made someone glad yesterday.” “Well done.Who was that?” The teacher says.“My granny.” The boy says.

“Good boy.Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad.” The teacher says.“I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her for three hours.Then I said to her, „Granny, I‟m going home.‟ And she said, “well.I‟m glad!”

故事12 我让奶奶高兴了

一位教师正在对学生将使人高兴的重要性。“听着，孩子们，”他说：“你们曾让别人高兴过吗？”

“我，老师，”一个男孩子说，“昨天我就使别人高兴过。” “做得好。是谁呢？”老师说。 “我奶奶。”小男孩说。

“好孩子。现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的？”老师问道。

“是这样的，老师。昨天我去看她，在她那儿呆了3个小时。然后我对她说：“奶奶，我要回家了。”她说：“啊，我很高兴。”

爱乐奇，游世界，学英语，专为5-12岁儿童设计的英语学习网站，

欢迎访问：http://www.daodoc.com/alo777 Story 13 Look at the Sky from the Bottom of a Well

There is a frog.He lives in a well and he never goes out of the well.He thinks the sky is as big as the mouth of the well.One day a crow comes to the well.He sees the frog and says, “Frog, let‟s have a talk.” Then the frog asks, “Where are you from?” “I fly from the sky,” the crow says.The frog feels surprised and says, “The sky is only as big as the mouth of the well.How do you fly from the sky?”

The crow says, “The sky is very big.You always stay in the well, so you don‟t know the world is big.”

The frog says, “I don‟t believe.” But the crow says, “You can come out and have a look by yourself.”

So the frog comes out from the well.He is very surprised.How big the world is!

故事13 坐井观天

有一只青蛙住在井底，他从来没有去过井外面。他以为天空就和井口一样大。一天，一只乌鸦飞到井边，看见青蛙，就对它说：“青蛙，咱们聊聊吧。”青蛙就问他：“你从哪里来？”“我从天上上来。青蛙惊讶了，就说：“天空就只有这井口这么大，你怎么会从天上飞老呢？”

乌鸦说：“天空很大。只不过你一直呆在井里，所有不知道世界很大。”青蛙说：“我不相信。”乌鸦说：“你可以出来，自己看看嘛。” 于是青蛙来到井外。他十分惊讶，原来世界这么大！

Story 14 I can‟t Cook It

It‟s sunny day in spring.Mi Cat is fishing.Suddenly the fishing rod moves.“Great! Oh, it‟s so heavy!” Mi Cat says happily.

The fish is plucked out of the river.“Oh, a big fish! How big the fish is!” She cheers.But she puts the fish into the river and goes on fishing. At the time Mr.House goes by and sees it.“What do you set it free?” He asks.“Because my pot is too small.I can‟t cook it,” Mi Cat says.

故事14 我没法煮它

这是春天里一个阳光明媚的日子，猫小姐在河边钓鱼。突然鱼竿动了动。“太棒了！哇，好重啊！”猫小姐高兴地喊着。

鱼被拉出来了。“啊！一条大鱼！这条大鱼可真大呀！”她欢呼道。但是她却把鱼放回河里，又继续钓鱼。

这时候马先生路过，看见这一切，就问她：“为什么你把鱼放了？” “因为我的锅太小。我没办法烧这么大的鱼。”猫小姐回答说。

Story 15

That Is Not My Dog!

A woman walks into a pet shop and sees a cute little dog.She asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”

The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bit.”

The woman tries to pet the dog and the dog bites her. “Ouch!” She says, “I thought you said your dog does not bite!” The shopkeeper replies, “That is not my dog!”

故事15

那不是我的狗

一个妇人走进一家宠物店，看见一只很可爱的小狗。她问店主：“你的狗咬人吗？”

店主说：“不，我的狗不咬人。”

于是这个妇人试着抚摸小狗，可是小狗却咬了她。 “哎哟！”妇人说，“我想你刚才还说你的狗不咬人。” 店主人回答说：“那不是我的狗。”

Story

Wrong

Mark‟s favorite cup is broken, and he feels unhappy.Susan sees and asks him, “ You look sad.What‟s the matter?”

Mark says, “There is something wrong with my cup.”

Susan says, “Don‟t worry.I can repair it.”

Mark feels surprised and asks, “Repair? You can repair it? You?”

“Yes.Believe me! Where is it?” Susan answers.

“Here.My cup is broken.Are you sure you can repair it?” Mark takes out his cuo.

故事16 误会

马克最喜欢的杯子了，他很不开心。苏珊看见了就问他：“你看上去不太开心。怎么了？”

苏珊说：“别担心。我会补好它的。”

马克听了感到奇怪，就问她：“补？你会补？真的吗？”

“没错。相信我。在哪里呢？”苏珊说。

“这儿。我的cup破了。你确信补好它吗？”马克拿出了杯子。

“cup？你以为是cap.”苏珊说道。说完他俩都笑了。

Story 17

My “Clever” Dog

Bobby is my dog.I love him.He can roll on the floor.He can play balls with me.He can look after my house when I am out.Bobby is very clever.But sometimes he isn‟t.

One day Bobby runs away.He is out for three days.After he comes back, I tie him to a tree and give him some food.Bobby begins to eat.But then he stops.He sees a fox.The fox is looking at his food.Bobby barks and barks.He wants to catch the fox.But he can‟t.The fox runs round the tree.Bobby runs after the fox.So the rope goes ground the tree.Of course Bobby can‟t run.The doc can eat the food.Quickly she eats up the food and runs away.

故事17

我“聪明“的狗

巴比是我的狗。我很爱他。他会在地板上打滚。他会和我玩球。他能在外出的时候帮我看家。巴比很聪明，可是有些时候他也不聪明。

一天，巴比跑了出去，3天没回家。他回来后，我把他拴在一棵树上，给他一些食物。巴比吃着食物，但是又停了下来。他看见一只狐狸。这只狐狸正盯着他的食物。巴比朝狐狸一个劲地叫。他想抓住狐狸。但是他办不到。狐狸喀什绕着树跑，巴比就追着它跑。于是绳子就绕在了数上。当然巴比就跑不开了。那只狐狸跑去吃他的食物。很快就吃光了所有食物，而后跑走了。

Story 18 Snow White

Snow White is born on a cold winter day.She is as white as snow.Her eyes are very big, her hair very long and her voice is sweet.She is very kind and beautiful.Everyone loves her.Her mummy, the Queen loves her, too.But she died.

A new Queen comes.She is beautiful, but bad.She doesn‟t like Snow White, because Snow White is the most beautiful girl in the world. “I will kill Snow White.” So she orders a hunter to kill Snow White.The hunter is an honest man.“You are a good girl; I don‟t want to kill you.” So he lets Snow White go.

Snow White goes into a forest.She finds a house, and goes into the house.Seven dwarfs live there.They like Snow White, and ask Snow White to live with them.

No sooner, the new Queen dies.Because she isn‟t the most beautiful woman in the world.

故事 18 白雪公主

白雪公主出生在一个寒冷的冬天，因此她像雪一样洁白无瑕。她又两只大眼晴，有漂亮的长头发和甜蜜的声音。她又善良又美丽。每个人都很喜欢她。她妈妈——皇后也爱她，但她死了。

一位新皇后来了，她很漂亮但很恶毒。她不喜欢白雪公主，因为白雪公主是世界上最美丽的女孩。

“我一定要杀死白雪公主。“因此，她命令一位猎人去杀白雪公主。这位猎人是一个诚实的人。 “你是一个好姑娘，我不想杀你。”所有他放走了白雪公主。

白雪公主走进一片森林，她发现了一个房子，并且走进了房子。七个小矮人住在房子里。他们很喜欢白雪公主并留她一起住下来了。

不久，女皇死了，因为她不是世界上最美丽的人。

Story 19

The Clever King Solomon

Long, long ago, there was a king.Solomon was his name.He was very clever.

In his country, there were two women.They lived in the same house and each had a child.

One night, one of the babies died.The dead baby‟s mother took the other woman‟s baby, and put it in her own bed.

The next morning , they had a quarrel.

“No, this is my baby!” The dead is yours!”

Each one wanted the living baby.So they went to see King Solomon.“Bring me a knife, cut the child into two and five each woman one half.” said the King.“Oh.Your Majesty! Give her my baby.Please don‟t kill my baby!”

Then King Solomon pointed to the woman in teas and said, “Give the baby to her.She is the mother.”

故事19 聪明的国王所罗门

很久很久之前，有一位国王，他的名字叫所罗门，他非常聪明。

在他的国家里，有两位妇女，她们住在同一间房子里。各有一个婴儿。

一天夜里，其中一个婴儿死了。他的妈妈抱另一位妇女的小孩，把他放在自己的床上。

第二天早上，他们发生了争吵。

“不，这是我的孩子！这个死的是你的！”

他们都想要这个活着的孩子，于是她们去见所罗门国王。 “给我拿把刀来，把这个孩子切成两半，没人一半。”国王判决道。 “哦，陛下，把我的孩子给她吧。请不要杀了我的孩子！”一位母亲哭喊道。于是所罗门指着流泪的妇女说：“把孩子给她，她是真正的母亲。”

Story 20

Catching a Thief

Witty Hare can run very fast.One day when he gets home.He sees a rat.The rat is jumping down his window.“Oh.A thief!” Witty Hare shouted and catches the rat, “You can‟t run faster then me.” Soon Witty Hare catches up with the rat, and the rat is left behind, “I must run away,‟ the rat says and laughs, “He is so silly.”

Witty Hare goes on running.A sheep sees him and asks him, “What a re you doing?” “I‟m catching the thief.” Witty Hare says.“ Thief? Where‟s the thief?” the sheep fells surprised.“He‟s behind me ,”Witty Hare says proudly.

故事20

追贼

机灵的肚子跑得很快。一天，她回到家的时候看见一只老鼠。这只老师正从它家的窗户跳下去。“啊！贼！”机灵肚子喊着追过去。 “你跑不过我的！” 不一会它追上了老鼠，还把老鼠丢在后面。“我得赶紧逃。”老鼠窃笑着说：“这家伙真笨。”

机灵兔子继续跑着。一只绵羊看到了就问塔：“你在干什么？”“我在追贼。”机灵兔子说。“贼？贼在哪里啊？”绵羊感到奇怪。 “它在我后面呢。”机灵兔子自豪地说着。

Story 21

A Clever Panda

A little panda picks up a pumpkin and wants to take it home.But the pumpkin is too big.The panda can‟t take it home.

Suddenly she sees a bear riding a bike toward her.She watches the bike.“I know! I have a good idea.” she jumps and shouts happily, “I can roll a pumpkin.It‟s like a wheel.”

So she rolls the pumpkin to her home.When her mother sees the big pumpkin, she is surprised, “Oh, my God! How can you carry it home?” the little panda answers proudly, “I can‟t lift it, but I can roll it.” Her mother smiled and says，“What a clever girl! Use you heard to do something,”

故事21

聪明的熊猫

一只小熊猫摘了一只大南瓜，想把它拿回家。但是这只南瓜太大了，她没有办法把这么大的南瓜带回家。

突然她看见一只狗熊骑着一辆自行车朝她这边来。她看着自行车，跳着说：“有了！我有办法了。我可以把南瓜滚回家去。南瓜好像车轮。

于是她把那瓜滚回家。当她妈妈看到这只大南瓜的时候，很惊讶：“天啊！这么食的南瓜！你是怎么把它带回家来的？”小熊猫自豪地说；“我拎不动它，可是我能滚动它啊！”她妈妈微笑着说：“真聪明啊！记住：只要你肯动脑筋，没有难办的事。”

Story 22

The Ox and the Dog

An ox and a dog serve for the same farmer. One day the dog arrogantly says: “How grand I am! In the daytime, I watch out for the cattle in the meadows; at night, I guard the house.But you…” “Me? How about me ?” the ox says “You can only plough or draw a cart,” the dog slightly says.

“Yes.It‟s true,” the ox says.“But if I don‟t plough, what do you guard?”

故事22 牛和狗

一头牛和一只狗同时为一个农夫工作。

一天，狗骄傲地说着；„我是多么重要啊！白天我在牧场看护家群，晚上我看家。而你呢…..?”

“我？我怎么啦？“ 牛反问。

“你只会犁地或是拉扯。”狗不懈地说。

“是的。你说得没有错，”牛回答道。“但是如果没有我犁地，你看护什么呢？”

爱乐奇，游世界，学英语，专为5-12岁儿童设计的英语学习网站，

欢迎访问：http://www.daodoc.com/alo777 Story 23 Go to the Cinema

A lorry driver, David is driving 200 penguins to London Zoo.But his lorry breaks down on the motorway, when another lorry driver, Robert stops in the front of him, David asks for help, and explains that he is taking the penguins to the zoo.Robert says, “Ok.I can help you.”

Some hours later, Robert drivers back and paes David.David is still on the lorry, and look happy. “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.” David says.

Robert replies, “I did, but I had some money left, so I‟m going to the cinema now.”

故事23

去电影院

一个叫戴维的货车司机载着200只企鹅去伦敦动物园。可是他的车在高速公路上坏了。当一辆货车停在他面前的时候，戴维向司机罗珀特求救，并且解释自己要送这些企鹅去伦敦动物园。罗珀特说：“行，我帮你。”

几个小时过后，罗珀特又回来了，并经过戴维生病，戴维还等在高速公路上。那些企鹅也还在车上，特高兴的样子。

“我想我告诉过你吧这些企鹅送进动物园的。”戴维说。罗珀特回答说：“是的，我去了。但是我的钱包丢在电影院了，所有我现在要回那里去。”

Story 24

Wolf Is Coming

There is a naughty boy in a village.He likes telling lies.One day he wants to make fun of the farmers.So he shouts, “Wolf! Wolf! Wolf is coming!” The kind farmers are working in the field.They hear the shout, and hurry to help the boy.But when get there, the boy says: “There isn‟t a wolf.I‟m joking.The farers are angry and go back to their field.After a while the biy shouts again, “Wolf! Wolf! Wolf is coming!” And the farmers come and are cheated again.The boy laughs and laughs.They say, “You tell lies.We will not believe you.”

Later a wolf really comes.The boy is very scared.“Wolf! Wolf! Wolf is coming!” the boy shouts and shouts.“Help! Help!” But no one comes.And wolf eats the naughty boy.

故事24

狼来了

村子里有个淘气的小男孩，他喜欢撒谎。一天，他想捉弄村名，就大喊：“狼来了！狼来了！” 善良的村民们正在地里干活，听到喊声，赶快去救他。俄式他们到了那里，男孩说：“没有狼。我跟你们开完先的。”村民很生气，回到田里。不一会，那孩子大喊：狼来了！狼来了！”村民来了，却再次被欺骗。男孩开心地大笑，村民们说：“你说谎。我们再也不会相信你了。”

后来狼真的来了。男孩十分害怕。 “狼来了！狼来了！”他大声呼喊，“救命啊！救命！”但是没人来。结果这个淘气的男孩被狼吃了。

Story 25 Change Name

Tom is 16.he decides to leave home and joins a music company.His father hears that and angry, “Singer? My son? It‟s disgrace!” he shouts, “What do they think of the neighbors know?”

“I will change my name,” Tom says.He thinks he will become a singer in the future.“Change your name?” Tom‟s father shouts angrily, “What if you‟re succeful? How will the neighbors know you are my son.?” 故事25

改名字

汤姆16岁了。她决定离家参加一个唱片公司。他父亲听后很生气：“唱歌？我的儿子啊！真丢脸。”他大喊，“要是邻居们知道，他们会怎么想？”

“我会改名字的。”汤姆说。他认为自己将来会成为一名歌手。

“改名字？”汤姆的父亲生气地说，“如果你成名了怎么？邻居们怎么知道你是我的儿子？”

Story 26 Three Little Pigs and a Big Wolf Once, a mother pig sent her three little children into the world.They needed to look after themselves.

The first pig found some straw, and he built a fine house with straw, and he built a fine house with straw.The second pig built a house with wood.The third pig built a house with stone.One day, a wolf came to straw house, he was hungry.“Little pig let me in! I‟m your brother.” “No, no! You are a wolf.”

Then the wolf blew down the straw house.The first pig ran to the wooden house.Then the wolf came to the wooden house, too.The two pigs ran to the stone house.The wolf came and blew the stone house.He blew and blew, but the house didn‟t fall down.Then wolf was angry, he climbed to the roof and jumped down the chimney.

The wolf fell into the pot! Ouch! He ran away.The three little pigs lived happily.

故事26

从前，猪妈妈把她的三个小孩打发出去，因为他们需要学会照顾自己。第一只小猪找到一些稻草，他盖了一座漂亮的草房子。第一只小猪盖了一座木头房子。第二只小猪了盖了一座石头房子。

一天，一只大灰狼来到草房前，他十分饥饿。 “小猪，让我进去，我是我你兄弟。” “不，不，你是大灰狼。”

然后大灰狼就把草屋吹倒了，第一只小猪逃到了木头屋子里。

然后狼来到木头前，他吹呀吹可是吹不倒石头房子。狼发怒了，他爬上了屋顶并从烟囱往下跳。

在烟囱下面的火炉上有一锅水。三只小猪用大火把得很烫。狼掉进了锅里！哎呀！他逃走了？三只小猪从此过着快乐的生活。

Story 27 The Wolf and the Crane

There is a bad wolf in the forest.One day he is eating a lamb.Suddenly a bone sticks in his throat.

“Oh, a bone is my throat.” He goes to see a doctor, “Please help me.” The doctor, Mr.Panda says, “Sorry, I can‟t help you.The bone is inside.”

“What can I do?” the wolf is sad.Then he meets a crane.“Oh, dear crane.Please help me.A bone is in my throat.I will pay for your help.”

“Ok.Let me have a try,” the crane says.She pulls out the bone with her bill.“Now I will go.Remember your words.You should pay me,” she says.

“Well.Pay you.I remember,” the wolf says.With the words, the wolf bites off the crane‟s neck and eats her up.

故事27

狼与鹤

森林里有一只很坏的狼。一天，他正在吃一只羊羔.突然一根骨头卡在他的喉咙里了。

“哎呀，一根骨头卡在我的喉咙里了。”他赶忙去看医生， “请帮帮我吧。”医生熊猫先生说：“很抱歉，我帮不了你。骨头卡在里面。”

“我该怎么办啊？”狼伤心。后来他遇到一只鹤。“亲爱的鹤小姐，请救救我吧，一根头卡在我的喉咙里了。我会给你报酬的。”

“好吧。我试试看。”鹤小姐说。她用她的长嘴把骨头拉了出来。“现在我要走了。记住你的话，你该给我报酬的。”

“好的，给你报酬。”狼突然说，突然咬住鹤的长脖子，把她吃了。

Story 28 A Friend in Need Is a Friend Indeed

Jack and Ben are good friends.One day, they explore a forest together.When they go deep into the forest, suddenly they hear a sound. “What‟s that? The sound is so terrible.” Ben says.

“Oh! Bear! Look! A bear!” Jack says and climbs quickly on a tall tree.

Ben tries to climb on the tree.But he can‟t.“What can I do? Help me please! “Ben says to Jack.But Jack does nothing.

The bear is coming.Ben lies down quickly and pretends to die.The bear looks at Ben and walking around him.Ben holds his breath.The bear smells Ben and thinks he‟s dying, and then the bear goes away.

When Jack sees the bear going far, he slides down from the tree and wakes Ben.“What did the Bear whisper to you?” Jack asks Ben.

“Why didn‟t you help me? Have you not heard the sentence: A friend in need is a friend indeed?” Ben shouted.

故事28

患难见真情

杰克和本是一对好朋友。一天，他俩结伴去森林探险。当他们深入森林时，突然听到一个声音。

“那是什么？这声音真恐怖。”本说。

“啊！是熊！快看！熊！”杰克边说边迅速爬到身旁的颗大树上。

本试着爬在树上，可是他做不到。“我怎么办啊？快帮帮我？”本朝杰克喊道。可是杰克什么也没有做。

熊来了。本赶快躺在地上装死。熊看看本。绕着他走了儿圈。本赶忙屏住呼吸。熊又低下头闻了本，以为他死了，然后就走开了。

杰克看到熊走远了，他才滑下树来，叫醒本。“熊刚才跟你说什么了？“杰克好奇地文本。

“你刚才为什么不帮我？难道你没有听对患难见真情这句话吗？”本大声喊道。

Story 29

A Clever Hare

Billy hare is hungry and finds a radish.What he picks it up, Mr.Fox is behind him and wants to eat him.“I‟m hungry, too.You‟ve my dinner.I‟m going to eat you,” ha says.

Billy Hare is shocked, but he isn‟t scared.He says, “Follow me.I have better food for you.” They go to a well.“Look down here,” Billy Hare says “There is something in the water.“What‟s that?” Mr.Fox asks surprisingly.“It‟s a big and fat hen.Let‟s get down and fetch it.” Billy Hare says and gets down with a pail. “Can you out the hen into the pail?” Mr.Fox shouts.“No.She‟s too big,” Billy Hare says, “Come down, please.We can take her up together.Jump into the other pail.”

Mr.Fox does so.When he gets down, Billy Hare gets up.“Good-bye!” Billy Hare gets down, Billy Hare gets out of the well and says.Mr.Fox can‟t get out.

故事29

聪明的野兔

野兔比利很饿，他找到了一只萝卜。当他捡起萝卜的时候，狐狸先生正在他的生后，想吃了他。 “我也饿了。你是我的晚餐，我要吃了你。”狐狸说。

比利很吃惊，但是他并不害怕。他说：“跟我来，我有更好的食物给你。”

他们来来一口井边。

“朝这下面看，”比利说， “水里有东西。”“是什么呀？”狐狸先生好奇地问：“那是一只有大又费肥的母亲。我们下去把她捉上来。”比利说着，乘一只水桶下去了。

“你能把鸡放进桶里里。”狐狸问他：“不行，这只鸡太大了，”比利说，“下来吧。我们可以一起把它捉上去。快掉到另一只水桶里吧。”

狐狸照做了。当他下去的时候，比利就上来了。“再见。”比利从井里出来时说。而狐狸却出不来了。

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欢迎访问：http://www.daodoc.com/alo777

Story 30 Father‟s Things

When Peter is 17, he is as tall as his father.So he begins to borrow his father‟s clothes when he wants to go out with his father‟s clothes when he wants to go out with his friends in the evening.Father doesn‟t like this.And he always gets very angry when he finds his son wearing any of his things. One evening when Peter is about to go out; his father stops him in the living room.He looks at Peter‟s clothes very carefully.Then he says angrily, “Isn‟t that one of my ties, Peter?”

“Yes, Father, it is,” answers Peter.

“And that shirt is mine, too.”

“Yes, that‟s your, too.” answers Peter.

“And you‟re wearing my belt!”

“Yes, I am, Father,” answers Peter, “You don‟t want to your trousers to fall down, do you?”

故事30

父母的东西

皮特17岁的时候，长得和父亲一样高了。于是，当他晚上和朋友一起出去时，就开始借父亲的衣服穿。可是这位父亲可不喜欢这样，当他发现他的儿子穿他的衣服时，总是非常生气。

一天晚上，皮特准备出去，父亲在客厅里拦住了他。父亲细细打量着皮特的穿着。然后气呼呼的说着；“皮特，那不是我的领带吗？”

皮特回答说：“是的，父亲，是您的领带。” “还有那衬衫也是我的。”

“是的，衬衫也是您的。”皮特回答说。 “还有呢，你连皮带也用我的。”父亲说。

“是的，父亲，”皮特回答说，“您不愿意让您的裤子掉下来吧？”

Story 31

The Thirsty Dog

A dog is very thirsty.But he only sees some empty pails.There is no water in them.The dog goes on looking for water.He comes to a small house.There is a girl in it.The girl goes out with a pail.“She goes to a well,” the dog thinks and follows her.The dog is right.The girl comes to a well and puts down the pail, and the pail is full of water, there the girl goes back to her house.

“ Water! Great!” the dog says and runs to the well.He jumps into the well without thought.”

The water is good.The dog is happy and drinks much.But he can‟t jump out of the well.He waits and waits.But no one comes.“I‟m hungry now.I must go out,” he thinks.

At the time a thirsty goat comes to the well.He looks at the water and the dog.“Is the water good?” the goat asks.“ Of course.Come down,” the dog says.Then the goat jumps into the well, too.Then dog is happy.He jumps on the goat‟s back and jumps out of the well. The dog has a look at the goat and says, “Goodbye!” Then he leaves.

故事31 一只口渴的狗

有一只狗口很渴，他只找到一些空空的水桶，里面没有水。他继续找水。他来到一座小房子前面。房子里住着一个小姑娘。小姑娘拎着只水桶出来了。 “她要去打水。”狗想道，并跟在她后面。果然不错，小姑娘来到一口井边，把水桶放入井里，水桶水满了。然后小姑娘回去了。

“水！太好了！”狗叫着跑过去。他想也没想就跳下井去了。

井水真的不错。狗可高兴了。喝了许多水，但是他没有办法跳出来了。他等了好久，但是没有人来。 “我饿了，我得出去。”他想着。

这时候一只口渴的山羊到井边来了，他看了看井水和这只狗。“这水好和吗？”山羊问狗：“当然了。快下来吧。“狗回答说。于是山羊也跳到井里了。狗高兴极了。他跳上山羊的背，又跳出了水井。

狗看了一眼山羊说声：“再见。”就跑开了。

Story 32

A Smart Tortoise

A tiger is hungry, he is looking for food.He sees a frog in front of him. “Ha ha! A frog! My dinner!” so he rushes at the frog.

Behind the tiger, there is a tortoise.The little tortoise sees it; he bites the tiger‟s tail.“Ouch!” cries the tiger and he looks back.The frog hears the voice and jumps into water. “Thank you, little tortoise.” says the frog.But the tiger is very angry.“Bother it! I‟ll throw you to the sky!” “Thank you, I like flying in the sky,” says the tortoise.The tiger stops, “I will throw you into the river.”

“Oh,no! I can‟t swim; I will die if you throw me into the water.” The tiger threw the tortoise into the water quickly. “Thank you, Mr.Tiger.Bye-bye.” The tortoise and the frog swim away together.

故事32 聪明的乌龟

一只老虎很饥饿，他正在寻找食物。他看到一只青蛙在他前面。 “哈哈！一只青蛙，我有晚餐啦！”于是，他补向青蛙。

在老虎的后边，有一只乌龟。小乌龟看见了，他猛咬一下啊老虎的尾巴。 “哎呦！”老虎疼得叫起来并回头看看。此时青蛙听见了老虎的声音，他迅速跳进水里。

“谢谢你，小乌龟。”青蛙说。

大事老虎十分愤怒：“讨厌！我要把你扔到天上去。” “谢谢你，我喜欢在天空飞翔。”乌龟说。老虎停下来：“那我就把你扔到到水里。”

“哦，不！我不会游泳，如果你把我扔井水里我会死的。”老虎很快就把乌龟仍进水了。

“谢谢你，老虎先生，再见！”乌龟和青蛙一起游走了。

Story 33 The Rabbit and the Fox

Once there was a naughty rabbit.He likes to play tricks, and it made other animals angry.But it was very different to catch him. One day, a wolf said to a fox, “I have an idea to catch the rabbit.You go back home and get into bed.I‟ll go to the rabbit and tell him that you are dead.If he comes to see you, you‟ll jump up and catch him.”

“Good idea,” said the fox, “I‟ll do that.” Then fox ran home and got into bed.The wolf went to the rabbit‟s house and said, “Mr.Rabbit, have you heard Mr.Fox is dead?” The wolf stood at the door, and then he went away.

“Really? I haven‟t heard anything about it.” The rabbit said to himself, so he decided to go and see if it was true.He went to the fox‟s house and looked in through the window.He saw the fox lying in bed.He opened the door and went in.he looked at the fox and said, “Mr.Wolf says Mr.Fox is dead, but he doesn‟t look like a dead fox.A dead fox always open his mouth.”

When the fox heard this, he thought, “I‟ll show him that I am dead.” So he opened his mouth.The rabbit saw the fox open his mouth, and he knew the fox was not dead.He ran out of the house as fast as he could.

故事33

兔子和狐狸

以前有一个淘气的兔子，他喜欢恶作剧，这使得其他动物很生气。但是想抓住这是兔子可不容易。

一个，狼对狐狸说：“我想到一个办法可以抓住这只兔子，你回家睡在床上，我去告诉告诉兔子你死了。如果他来看你，你就跳起来抓住它。”

“好主意，”狐狸说，“我按你说的办。 “于是狐狸跑回家躺在床上。狼跑到兔子家说： “兔子先生死了的事你听说了吗？”狼站在门口说，然后就走开了。

“真的吗？我怎么没有听说呢。”兔子自言自语地说。于是他决定去看看是不是真的。她来到狐狸的房前并从窗口往里看，他看见狐狸躺在床上。于是，他打开门并走了进去。他看着狐狸说着；“狼先生说狐狸死了，但他不像一只死狐狸，因为死狐狸是张开嘴巴的。”

当狐狸听见这话，他想“我要让他知道我是死的。于是他张开了嘴巴。

兔子看见狐狸张开了嘴巴，他知道狐狸没有死，于是他飞快从房子里跑了出来。

Story 34

The Wolf and the Dog

There is a wolf.He is very hungry and has no strength to find food.As he lies under a large tree, a dog sees him.The dog sees the wolf is so thin and hungry, and he feels sorry for him and says, “You are so terrible! Are you hungry?”

“Yes,” says the wolf, “I‟m hungry because you are guarding the sheep.Now I am so weak that I can‟t find food.I think I will do.”

“Why not help me?” Asks the dog, “I work regularly and I eat regularly.You could do the same.You can help me guard the sleep.In that way, I will not worry about your stealing the sleep, and you will not worry about going hungry.It‟s good for us.

The wolf thinks it over and thinks the dog is right.So they walk to the dog‟s house.As they are walking, the wolf sees that only the hair of the dog‟s neck is very thin.He is curious about this.So he asks the dog about it. “Oh, don‟t worry about that,” says the dog, “It‟s the place where the collar ties on the neck.My master chains me up at night,”

“Chained up!” shouts the wolf, “Do you mean that you are chained up at night? If I come to live with you, will I be chained up at night, too?”

“That‟s night,” says the dog, “But, you‟ll get used to it.”

“But, if I am chained up, I won‟t be free.” After saying this, the wolf turns round and runs away.The dog shouts, “Wait! Come back! I‟m not free, but I‟m healthy.I have good food, and a warm place to sleep.I like enjoying life.In fact, I‟m freer than you are.”

故事34

狼和狗

有一只狼，他非常饿，而且饿得没有力气去找吃的了。当他躺在一棵大树下时，一只狗看见了他。看到狼又饿又瘦，狗挺可怜他的：“你看上去真可怕。你很饿啊？“

“是的。”狼说，“我饿是因为你和你的伙伴看守着羊群。现在我弱得没法去找食物。我想我就快要死了。”

“为什么不帮我呢？”狗说，“我们按时工作，准时吃饭。你也行的。你可以帮我看羊群。那样我就不用担心你会来偷羊，你也不用担心挨饿了。这对我们都有好处。”

狼考虑了一下，觉得狗说的对，他们就一起朝狗的屋子走去了。正走着，狼看见口脖子上的毛很少。他觉得好奇，就问狗怎么回事。

“啊，别担心，”狗说，“这是系狗项圈的地方，晚上主人会把我拴起来。”

“拴起来？”狼叫起来，“你是说晚上你会拴起来？如果我去和你住，晚上也会被拴起来？”

“没错，”狗说，“但是你会习惯的。”

“但是，如果被拴起来，我就不自由了。”说完，狼转身跑了。

狗大声喊道：“等等！回来！我是不自由，可是我很健康，我有好的食物，有个温暖的地方睡觉。你太喜欢享受生活了。我其实比你还自由些。”

Story 35

Little Red Riding Hood

Little Red Riding Hood is a lovely girl.She likes red hats.So her mother calls her little Red Riding Hood.

Her grandma loves her very much.But now she is ill.Her mother is busy.So she asks little Riding Hood to see her grandma. In the forest, a wolf sees little Red Riding Hood, “Look, little Riding Hood.I have children for lunch, the path goes to her grandma‟s house.”

The wolf comes to grandma‟s house and eats grandma.Then he wears grandma‟s glaes and clothes, and in her bed. After a while, little Red Riding Hood comes to grandma‟s bed.To her surprise, grandma‟s mouth is very big.So she asks: “Grandma, why is your mouth so big?” “I eat little girls with this mouth.” And he rushed at little Red Riding Hood.

“Help! Help!” The wolf runs after little Red Riding Hood.At this time, a hunter paes through the house.He shoots the wolf and saves little Red Riding Hood.Then he cuts the wolf and grandma comes out.

故事35

小红帽

小红帽是一个可爱的女孩。她喜欢红帽子，于是她妈妈就叫她小红帽。

她的祖母很爱小红帽，但现在她生病了。小红帽的妈妈非常忙，所有她让小红帽去看望祖母。在森林里，一只狼看见了小红帽。“瞧啊！小红帽。午餐有小孩子可以吃啦！这是一条去她祖母家的路。”

狼来到了祖母家并吃掉了祖母。然后他戴上祖母的眼镜，并穿上祖母的衣服并睡在祖母的床上。过了一段时间，小红帽来到了祖母的床前，使她吃惊的是祖母的嘴巴非常大。于是她问：“祖母，为什么你的嘴巴这么大？”“用它来吃小女孩。”狼说这就扑向小红帽。

“救命，救命！狼追着小红帽。正在此时，一个猎人路过这儿，他用枪打死了狼并救出小红帽；然后他剥开狼的兔子，救出祖母。”

Story 36

A Little Ant

Once there was a little ant.She wanted to get married, but she only wanted to marry the strongest creature. She wanted to marry the strongest creature, but she didn‟t know who the strongest creature is.She saw the wind blow houses down.So she thought the wind was the strongest creature.She wanted to marry the wind.

But the wind told the little ant that ht wasn‟t the strongest creature.There was a tower in the forest.He had stood there for a thousand years against his force.The tower was the strongest creature.

“Why do you want to marry me?” the wind asked.

“Because you are the strongest creature in the world.You are strongest than the wind.” said the ant.

“You are right.I‟m strongest than the wind.But I‟m not the strongest creature in the world.Look, how I‟m damaged! Can‟t you gue who has done this to me? It‟s you, ants.”

At last, the little ant married her own kind.Because they were the strongest creatures. 故事36

一只蚂蚁

从前，有一个小蚂蚁想结婚，但她只想嫁给世界上最强打者。

她想嫁给强大者，但她不知道谁才是最强大者。她看到风把房子吹倒了，于是她认为风是最强大的，她要嫁给风。

可风告诉小蚂蚁，他不是最强大者，林中有一座它塔。他顶住风力耸立了一千年，他才是最强大的。

“为什么你要嫁给我？”塔说。

“因为你是最强大的，你甚至比风还强大。”蚂蚁说。

“你说的对，我是比风强大。但我不是最强大的。瞧，我已被损坏成什么样子了。难道你猜不出来是谁把我损坏成这个样子的吗？是你们蚂蚁啊。”塔说。最后，小蚂蚁嫁给了她的同类，因为他们才是最强大者。

爱乐奇，游世界，学英语，专为5-12岁儿童设计的英语学习网站，

欢迎访问：http://www.daodoc.com/alo777 Story 37

Poor George

George is a little monkey.He lives in a deep forest.He likes jumping and climbing trees.He is happy every day.But he has a shortcoming.He is curious. One day an old man goes by the forest.He carries a lot of straw hats.George sees the man, and the man sees George, too.The man says to himself, “What a lovely monkey! I will catch him.I will take him home.”

The man sits down and thinks over.George sees and also sits down.The man has an idea.He puts a hat on his head, and puts other hats on the ground.Then he pretends to sleep. George is curious and looks at the hats.“I will be nice if I put a hat on my head.” George thinks.Then he climbs down from the tree, picks up a hat and puts it on.The hat is too big, and covers George‟s eyes.George can‟t see.And the man gets up at once, rushes out and catches him quickly.

Poor George!

故事37

可怜的乔治

乔治是一只小猴子。他住在大森林里。他喜欢在树上跳来跳去，爬上爬下。他整天都乐呵呵的。但是他有个毛病，就是太好奇。

一天，一个老人路过大森林，他带着许多草帽。乔治看见了这个老人，老人也看见他了。；老人自言自语道：“多可爱的猴子啊！我要捉住他，把他带回家去。”

老人坐下来。想着办法。乔治看见了，也坐下来。

不一会老人有个办法，他戴上一顶帽子，又把其他帽子放在地上，然后假装睡觉。

乔治很好奇，看看帽子，心想：“要是我戴上一顶，肯定好看。”于是爬下树，捡起一顶帽子戴在头上。可是帽子太大了，遮住了他的眼睛了。那个老人一下站起来，冲过去，迅速地捉住乔治。

可怜的乔治啊！

Story 38 The Ant and the Dove An ant is walking by the river.He looks at the river and says to himself, “How nice and cool this water looks! I must drink some of it.” But when he is drinking, he slips into the river. “Oh.Help!Help!” The ant cries,

A dove is sitting in the tree.She hears him and throws him a leaf, “Climb up that leaf,” she says “and you will float bank.”

The ant climbs uo onto the leaf, and the wind blows the leaf to the bank.And the ant is saved. “Thank you, Dove.You‟re so kind,” The ant says and runs home, “You have saved my life, and I wish I could do something for you, Goodbye!”

“Goodbye!” says the dove, “Be careful.Not to fall into the river again.”

After a few days, the dove is building her nest.And a man is raising his gun to shoot her.The ant sees this, and runs quickly to bite the man‟s leg.“Ouch! Ouch!” The man feels pained and drops his gun.The dove hears and flies away.So the man picks up his gun and leave.The dove comes to her nest.“Thank you, my little friend,” she says, “You have saved my life.”

The little ant is so glad, because he can help the dove.

故事38

蚂蚁和鸽子

一只蚂蚁在河边散步。他看见喝水自言自语道：“这河水看上去真清凉啊！我要去喝点。”可是他在喝水的时候，一不小心滑进河里了。

“啊！救命！救命！‟蚂蚁叫喊着。

一只鸽子正呆在树上，听见呼救声，就扔给他一片树叶。“快爬到树叶上去。她说：“你会漂到岸上的。”

“谢谢你，鸽子。你真善良。”蚂蚁一边说一边向家跑，“你就了我的命，我会奥达你的。再见！”

“再见！小心别掉进河里了。”鸽子说。

几天后，鸽子正在筑巢，一个人举着枪要打鸽子。蚂蚁看见了，迅速地跑过去，在那个人的腿上咬了一口。“啊呀！哎呀！”那个人疼得扔掉枪。鸽子听见了，连忙飞走了。那个人只好捡起枪，走了。

鸽子又飞回巢里。“谢谢你，我的小朋友。”鸽子说，“你就了我的命。” 小蚂蚁可高兴了，因为他也帮助了鸽子。

Story 39

The Fisherman and His Wife

Once, there was a fisherman.He had an ugly wife.They were poor.

One day, the fisherman caught a goldfish.But the goldfish could talk, “Please let me go! I‟ll reward you.”

“Ok, my God?” cried the fisherman, “Don‟t worry.I have no wish to eat a talking fish.” So he puts it into the water.

The fisherman went home and told his wife about it.She became very angry.“How foolish you are!” she said, “Look at the hut.Go back to the sea and tell the fish to give me a cottage.”

So the fisherman went down to the beach.“What‟s the matter?” asked the fish.

“My wife wants to cottage.” said the fisherman.“Don‟t worry, she will have it.” So the fisherman‟s wife had her cottage.

But after a few days, she became tired of it.“Tell the fish to give me a palace.” she said.Then the fisherman went back to the beach again.And the fisherman‟s wife had her palace. But she soon got tried of it, too.“Ask the fish to be my servant, and I want to be a queen.”

This time, the fish got angry.It said nothing and swam away. The fisherman waited and waited, but the goldfish didn‟t come back.When he went home, he found his wife back in their old hut.

故事39

渔夫和他的妻子

从前，有一位渔夫，他又一个很丑的妻子。他们家里很穷。

一天，渔夫捕到一条金鱼。但这条金鱼会说话：“请放我走吧！我会报答你的.” “啊，我的天啊！” 渔夫吃惊地叫道，“别担心，我不会吃一条会说话的鱼的。”于是他把金鱼放进了水里。

渔夫回家并把这件事告诉了他的妻子。妻子非常愤怒。

“你多愚蠢啊！”她说：“看看这个破草屋，到海边去，向金鱼要一间小木屋。” 于是渔夫来到海边。 “怎么啦？”金鱼问。

“我的妻子想要一件小木屋。”渔夫说。 “别担心，她会有的。”

渔夫的妻子得到了一间小木屋。

但过了几天，她对此感到厌倦了：“告诉金鱼，让它给我一座宫殿。”渔夫又返回海边。他的妻子得到了一座宫殿。

但她很快又对此感到厌倦：“去叫金鱼做我的仆人，我想当女王。” 这次，金鱼变得愤怒了，它一句话也没说就游走了。

渔夫等呀等，但金鱼没有回来。当他回家时，他看见他妻子又回到就茅屋。

Story 40

It‟s Unfair

Linda was a good girl, but she was often late for school. One day, she was late again.When she came in, Mr.Clark, her teacher said angrily, “I‟ll tell you father if you are late again.” Linda didn‟t want him to do that.Because her father was very strict with her.

The next morning, Linda got up early.She hurried to school.At the school gate, she heard the first bell, “What shall I do?” she asked herself, “I‟ll turn it in first.” She decided.And so she did.

When she hurried into her claroom, Mr.Clack was already beginning his cla. “Linda! Didn‟t I tell you to be here on time?” Mr.Clack said as he as her.“I‟m sorry, sir,” Linda tried to explain, “I‟m late because I had to…?”

“I don‟t listen to any excuse,” Mr.Clack stopped her.“If you can‟t get here on time, I have to tell your father.”

“But Mr.Clack.It‟s …it‟s unfair!”

“Unfair! How dare you say that?” Mr.Clack said angrily, “I‟ll report you to the headmaster.“I was only trying to do a good idea,” Linda thought,“and now…” She couldn‟t keep back her tears.When the bell rang for the break, the door opened and Mr.White, the headmaster came in.he was holding a wallet in his hand, “Excuse me, Mr.Clack.Is this your wallet?”

“Oh,yes.It‟s my wallet.Who found it? I must thank him.”

“Linda found it and turned it in before school started.” Mr.Whitesaid.

Mr.Clack face slowly turned red.He looked at Linda and said, “I‟m very sorry.Linda.I take back what I said.”

“And I‟m sorry.Mr.Clack.I‟ll try not to be late again.” Linda said.

故事40 这是不公平

琳达是一个好女孩，但她经常迟到。

一天，琳达又迟到了。当她进来的时，她的老师克拉克先生生气说：“如果你在迟到，我就通知你爸爸。”琳达不想他那么做，因为她爸爸对她要求很严格。

二天，琳达起床很早。她匆匆向学校走去，在学校大门口，她停下来了。因为地上有一个钱夹。当她站在那儿是，她听见了第一遍铃声，“我该怎么办呢？”她自言自语，“我要先把它交上去。”她下定决定，于是她就是这么做了。

当她匆匆走进教室的时候，克拉克先生已经开始讲课了。 “琳达，我没有告诉你早点来吗？”克拉克先生一看到琳达就说， “对不起，先生。”琳达想解释，“我迟到是因为我不得不……”

“我不想听任何借口，“克拉克阻止道, “如果你不能准时到这儿，我不得不告诉你父亲。”

“但是，克拉克先生，这是…..这是不公平的！”

“不公平！你怎么敢那么说！”克拉克先生愤怒的说，“我要把你的事情汇报给校长！”

“我只想做一件好事，”琳达心想，“但是现在……”她的眼泪阻止不住流下来。当下课铃声响起是，教室的门开了，校长怀特先生走了进来。他的手里拿着一个钱夹：“打扰一下，克拉克先生，这是你的钱夹吗？” “哦，是我的。是谁找到的？我一定的谢谢她。” “琳达发现的，并在上课前把它交来了。”怀特先生说。

克拉克先生的脸渐渐红了，他看了看琳达，惭愧地说：“对不起，琳达，我收回我说过的话。”

“我也不对，克拉克先生，我下次尽量不再迟到了。”琳达说。

爱乐奇，游世界，学英语，专为5-12岁儿童设计的英语学习网站，

欢迎访问：http://www.daodoc.com/alo777

第19篇：英语小幽默

The father and his son

Father: You know, Tom.When Lincoln was your age,

he was a very good student.In fact, he was thebest student in his cla.

Tom:Yes, father.I know that.But when he was your

age, he was President of the U.S.A.

第20篇：英语幽默面试

A ：I know you all don\'t believe this is my 1001st interview, but, it’s ture.When you see my next interview, you will know.

C ：Scenario one ，in the Microsoft corp.

A ：Good morning , sir.

B ：Good morning。So,are you Mr.zhang ?

A ：Yes.Nice to meet you

B :Okay ,Let\'s start the interview

C: After asked the degree and the experiences of work.The interviewer asks.

B : How much is the Windows 7 pro in the mainland of China.

A : Just 5 yuan,sir

B : Oh,god ,next!

C :Scenario two, in the Google company

A :For a job, I will never give up.Today I go to Google company for the 1002nd interview.

B :From the beginning before the interview, I want to ask you where you get the news of the interview of Google.

A : The baidu.

B:....You can go!

C :Scenario 3, in the Mobile company

A : Okay ,The 1003rd interview.My father found a job of mobile customer service , he said this work is simple, so I coming.

C:The interview went quite smoothly,Finally, the interviewer said.

B :Nice, please leave your phone number.If you are employed, I will call you.

A : 1 3 2...

B:Wait a minute,1 3 2...?Out!

Scenario 4 ,in the Nokia corp.

A :Hundreds of failed, I have understood the reason of the failure in the interview, because I just ignored these small problems.But this time, I made the full preparation.

B :What is the slogan of the Nokia?

A :Technology are based on human.

B :Well, your performance is great, if no accident,you can come to work tomorrow.

C :At the same time...the phone is ringing.

A(手机响）：Hello Moto....

B: Out!

《英语幽默演讲稿.doc》