英语幽默故事

推荐第1篇：英语幽默故事

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1、That man knows the future

Nasreddin was cutting a branch of a tree in his garden.While he was sawing, another man paed in the street.He stopped and said, \'Excuse me, but if you continue to saw that branch like that, you will fall down with it.\' He said this because Nasreddin was sitting on the branch and cutting it at a place between himself and the trunk of the tree.Nasreddin said nothing.He thought, \'This is some foolish person who has no work to do and goes about telling other people what to do and what not to do.\' The man continued on his way.Of course, after a few minutes, the branch fell and Nasreddin fell with it.\'My God!\' he cried.\'That man knows the future!\' and he ran after him to ask how long he was going to live.But the man had gone.

2、You\'ll soon get used to it?

An old man died and left his son a lot of money.But the son was a foolish young man, and he quickly spent all the money, so that soon he had nothing left.Of course, when that happened, all his friends left him.When he was quite poor and alone, he went to see Nasreddin, who was a kind, clever old man and often helped people when they had troubles.\'My money has finished and my friends have gone,\' said the young man.\'What will happen to me now?\' \'Don\'t worry, young man,\' answered Nasreddn.\'Everything will soon be all right again.Wait, and you will soon feel much happier.\' The young man was very glad.\'Am I going to get rich again then?\' he asked Nasreddin.\'No, I didn\'t mean that,\' said the old man.\'I meant that you would soon get used to being poor and to having no friends.\'

8

Nasreddin put two big baskets of grapes on his donkey and went to market.At midday it was very hot, so he stopped in the shade of a big tree.There were several other men there, and all of them had donkeys and baskets of grapes too.After their lunch they went to sleep.After some time, Nasreddin began to take grapes out of the other men\'s baskets and to put them in his.

Suddenly one of the men woke up and saw him.\'What are you doing?\' he said angrily.

\'Oh,\' said Nasreddin, don\'t worry about me.I am half mad, and I do a lot of strange things.\'

\'Oh, really?\' said the other man.\'Then why don\'t you sometimes take grapes out of your baskets and put them in somebody else\'s baskets?\'

\'You did not understand me,\' said Nasreddin.I said，that I was half mad, not quite mad.\' 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

纳斯瑞丁将两大筐葡萄放在他的毛驴背上，赶着驴向市场去。中午时，天气很炎热，他在一颗大树的树荫下停了下来。那里还有几个人，他们都带着毛驴并驮着一筐筐葡萄。吃完中饭后，这些人就睡觉了。过了一会儿，纳斯瑞丁就开始从别人筐里拿葡萄往自己筐里放。

突然，一个人醒来并看见了他在干这件事。“你在干什么？”他愤怒地说。

“哦，”纳斯瑞丁说：“不要为我担心，我是个半疯子，而且常常做一些奇怪的事。”

“啊，是吗？”另一个人说：“那么你为什么不有时从你的筐中拿葡萄往别人筐里放呢？”

“你还没明白我的话，”纳斯瑞丁说：“我说我只是个半疯，并不是全疯。”

9

There was a big garden near Nasreddin\'s house, and it had a lot of fruit trees in it.One day Nasreddin saw some beautiful apples on one of them.He went home and got a ladder, put it against the high wall of the garden and climbed up.Then he pulled the ladder up, put it down on the other side, and climbed down into the garden.Just then a gardener came round a corner and saw him.

\'What are you doing here?\' he shouted.

Nasreddin thought quickly and then said, 11 am selling my ladder.\'

\'Selling your ladder? In somebody else\'s garden? Do you think I believe such a stupid story?\' said the gardener and came towards Nasreddin with a stick.

\'It is my ladder,\' said Nasreddin, \'and I can sell it where I like.You needn\'t buy it if you don\'t want to.\' And he took his ladder and climbed over the wall again.

靠近纳斯瑞丁的家有一座大花园，花园中有很多果树。一天，纳斯瑞丁看见一颗果树上有些苹果长得很好。他就回家去拿了一个梯子，把梯子靠在花园的高墙上后就爬了上去。然后拿起梯子，把它放在墙那边，下了梯子就进了花园。正好这时，花园的园丁从墙角转过来看见了他。 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

“你在这里干些什么？”花园的园丁叫喊道。

纳斯瑞丁很快想了想，然后说道：“我正在卖我的梯子呢。”

“卖你的梯子？在别人的花园里卖梯子？你认为我会相信这种蠢话吗？”说着，花园的园丁拿着根棍子向纳斯瑞丁走来。

“这是我的梯子，”纳斯瑞丁说：“我想在哪里卖就在哪里卖。如果你不想要就不买好了。”接着，他拿着梯子又爬过了围墙。

10

Nasreddin woke up in the middle of the night and saw something white in his garden.It seemed to be moving towards the house.

\'That is a thief!, he thought, and he took his gun and shot at him.Then he went back to bed, because he was too frightened to go out of the house in the dark.

The next morning Nasreddin went out and saw one of his white shirts hanging\' on the clothes-line in the garden.His wife had washed it the day before and hung it out to dry.Now it had a bullet-hole right through the middle of it.

\'My God,\' said Nasreddin, 11 was lucky last night.If I had been wearing that shirt, the bullet would have killed me!\' And he called his neighbours together and asked them to thank God for saving him.

纳斯瑞丁半夜醒来，看见一个白色的东西在他花园里。看起来好像在向屋子这边移动着。

“是贼！”纳斯瑞丁想，接着他拿出枪向贼射击。然后，他又上床睡觉了，因为他害怕，所以不敢在黑暗中走出屋子。

第二天早晨，纳斯瑞丁出来看见他的一件白衬衣挂在花园里的晒衣绳上。是他的妻子前一天将衬衣洗好后挂在外面晾干的。现在在它中间有一个子弹孔正好穿过。

“我的天，”纳斯瑞丁说：“昨夜我真是走运，要是我穿上这件衬衣，子弹就把我打死了！”接着他就把邻居们召集在一起， 并要他们一块儿感谢上帝救了他的命。 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

When Nasreddin was a boy, he never did what he was told, so his father always told him to do the opposite of what he wanted him to do.

One day, when the two were bringing sacks of flour home on their donkeys, they had to cro a shallow river.When they were in the middle of it, one of the sacks on Nasreddin\'s donkey began to slip, so his father said, \'That sack is nearly in the water! Pre down hard on it!\'

His father of course expected that he would do the opposite, but this time Nasreddin did what his father had told him to do.He preed down on the sack and it went under the water.Of course, the flour was lost.

\'What have you done, Nasreddin?\' his father shouted angrily.

\'Well, Father\', said Nasreddin, ,this time I thought that I would do just what you told me, to show you how stupid your orders always are.\'

当纳斯瑞丁还是个孩子的时候，他从不照着别人说的去做，所以他爸爸想让他做什么时，总是反着说。

一天，他们俩用毛驴驮着几袋面粉回家时，他们路过必经的一条浅水河。当他们走到河中间时，纳斯瑞丁赶的驴子驮的一个口袋开始滑动，所以他爸爸说：“那个口袋快要滑到水里了！使劲将它向下压！”

纳斯瑞丁的爸爸当然预料他会反着做，但是这一次纳斯瑞丁却照着他爸爸说的做了。他向下压口袋，口袋掉到了水里。当然，面粉也就完了。

“你干了些什么，纳斯瑞丁？”他爸爸生气地叫了起来。

“哦，爸爸，”纳斯瑞丁说：“这一次我想我偏要照你说的做，让你看看你的指挥一向是多么愚蠢。”

Nasreddin had lost his donkey.He was going about looking for it everywhere, and while he was looking, he was singing gaily.

One of his neighbours saw him and said, \'Hullo, Nasreddin.What are you doing?\' 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

\'I am looking for my donkey,\' answered Nasreddin.

\'Don\'t you know where it is?\' asked the neighbour.

\'No, I don\'t.\'

\'Then why are you singing so gaily? Usually when somebody loses something, he is sad.\'

\'Yes, that is quite true,\' answered Nasreddin.\'But you see, I am not yet sure that my donkey is lost.My last hope is that it is behind that hill over there.If you wait a little, you will hear how I will cry and complain if it is not there!\'

纳斯瑞丁的毛驴丢了。他四处寻找，并且一边找一边高兴地唱着歌。

一个邻居看见他这副样子，就问：“喂，纳斯瑞丁，你在干嘛？”

“我正在找我的毛驴呢，”纳斯瑞丁回答。

“你不知道驴子在哪儿吗？”邻居问道。

“我不知道。”

“那么，你为什么还这么高兴地唱着歌呢？通常人们丢失了东西时总是很悲伤的。”

“是的，你说的很对，”纳斯瑞丁回答说：“但是你要知道，我并没有认为我的驴子确实已经丢了。我的最后一个希望是驴就在那边的那座山后面。如果驴不在那里的话，等一会儿，你就会听到我是怎样的哭喊和抱怨了。”

One winter Nasreddin had very little money.His crops had been very bad that year, and he had to live very cheaply.He gave his donkey le food, and when after two days the donkey looked just the same, he said to himself, \'The donkey was used to eating a lot.Now he is quickly getting used to eating le; and soon he will got used to living on almost nothing.\'

Each day Nasreddin gave.the donkey a little le food, until it was hardly eating anything.外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

Then one day, when the donkey was going to market with a load of wood on its back, it suddenly died.\'How unlucky I am,\' said Nasreddin.\'Just when my donkey had got used to eating hardly anything, it came to the end of its days in this world.\' 1.What was the matter with Nasreddin one winter?

2.Why had this happened?

3.What did he have to do?

4.What did he do to his donkey?

5.What happened after two days?

6.What did Nasreddin then say to himself?

7.What did he do each day after that?

8.What was the donkey doing in the end?

9.What happened to the donkey?

10.When did it happen?

11.What did Nasreddin say?

一年冬天，纳斯瑞丁身上只有很少一点钱了。这年他的庄稼长得很不好，他只得十分节省地过日子。他给驴子喂的食料比过去少了。两天以后，驴子看起来和往日一样，纳斯瑞丁就自言自语地说：“这头驴过去习惯于吃得很多，现在它很快就适应吃得比过去少了；很快它就会适应几乎什么都不吃了。”

以后，纳斯瑞丁每天一点一点地减少喂驴的食料，直到这驴几乎什么都不吃。

后来有一天，当这驴子驮着一驮木头赶集去的时候，它突然死了。“我真是太倒霉了，”纳斯瑞丁说：“就在我的驴子刚刚适应几乎什么都不用吃时，它在这世上却又活到头了。

Nasreddin\'s wife was very ill, and at last she died.After a few months, Nasreddin married again.His new wife was a widow.

Exactly seven days after he married her, she had a baby.外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

Nasreddin at once hurried away to the market and bought some paper, some pencils, some pens and some children\'s books.Then he hurried back home again with these things and put them beside the baby.His now wife was surprised.\'What are you doing?\' she said.\'The baby won\'t be able to use.those things for a long time Why are you in such a hurry?\'

Nasreddin answered, \'You are quite wrong, my dear.Our baby is not an ordinary baby.It came in seven days instead of nine months, so it will certainly be ready to learn to read and write in a few weeks from now.\' 1.What happened to Nasreddin\'s first wife?

2.What did Nasreddin do?

3.When did he do this?

4.What was his new wife?

5.What happened to his new wife then?

6.When did it happen?

7.What did Nasreddin do at once?

8.What did he buy?

9.What did he do with these things?

10.How did his wife feel?

11.What did she say to Nasreddin?

12.What did he answer?

纳斯瑞丁的妻子得了重病，最后死去了。几个月以后，纳斯瑞丁又结了婚。他的新妻子原先是一个寡妇。

正好在他们结婚七天以后，她生下一个孩子。

纳斯瑞丁马上赶到市场买了一些纸、铅笔、钢笔和一些儿童图书。然后，他带着这些东西匆匆地回家，并把这些东西放在婴儿的旁边。他的新婚妻子很吃惊。“你这是在干嘛？”她说：“这孩子用这些东西还早着呢，你忙什么？” 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

纳斯瑞丁回答说：“你说的可太不对了，亲爱的。我们的孩子是个不同寻常的孩子。他用七天而不是九个月来到世上，所以从现在起几星期以后，他一定会愿意学习识字和写字了。”

Some of Nasreddin\'s old friends were talking about the young people in their town.They all agreed that old people were wiser than young people.Then one of the old men said, \'But young men are stronger than old men.\'

All of them agreed that this was true, except Nasreddin.He said, \'No.I am as strong now as when I was a young man.\'

\'What do you mean?\' said his friends.\'How is that poible? Explain yourself!\'

\'Well,\' said Nasreddin, \'in one corner of my field there is a rock.When I was a young man I used to try to move it, but I couldn\'t because I was not strong enough.I am an old man now, and when I try to move it, I still cannot.\' 1.Who were talking at the beginning of this story?

2.What were they talking about?

3.What did they all agree?

4.What did one of the old men say then?

5.What did the others do?

6.Who did not agree?

7.What did he say?

8.What did his friends say then?

9.What did Nasreddin answer?

10.Why did he think that he was as strong as when he was a young man?

11.What mistake was he making when he thought this? 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

纳斯瑞丁和一些老朋友正在谈论着他们镇上的年青人。他们一致认为老年人比年青人更有智慧。后来有位老人说：“不过年青人要比老年人力气大。”

他们都承认这是事实，但纳斯瑞丁除外。他说：“不，我现在的力气和我年青时一样大。”

“这话是什么意思呢？”他的朋友们说：“这可能吗？你解释一下！”

“哦，”纳斯瑞丁说：“我田里的一个角落里有一块石头。我年青时常常使劲把它挪走，但是我挪不动它，因为我只有那点力气。现在我老了，当我使劲把它挪走时，我还是挪不动它。”

25

When Nasreddin\'s first wife died, he married again.His second wife was much younger than he was and they often quarrelled.One evening when Nasreddin came home very late, his wife said to him, \'I cooked your dinner two hours ago.It is quite spoiled now.\' She was so angry that she gave him a push, and as she was strong, and he was old and weak, he fell down the stairs.

One of Nasreddin\'s neighbours, who was always eager to know what was happening in everybody else\'s house, was listening, and when she heard the noise that Nasreddin made when he fell down the stairs, she came to his front door and knocked.

\'What has happened?\' she said.

\'My coat fell down the stairs,\' he answered.

\'But a coat would not make so much noise!\' the neighbour said.

\'Of course it would,\' answered Nasreddin, \'if I was inside it!\' 1.What happened when Nasreddin\'s first wife died?

2.What was his second wife like?

3.What did he and his second wife often do?

4.What did Nasreddin do one night?

5.What did his wife say?

6.How did she feel? 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

7.What did she do?

8.What happened then?

9.Why was she able to push him over?

10.Who was listening?

11.Why was she listening?

12.What did she do?

13.When did she do this?

14.What did she say?

15.What did Nasreddin answer?

16.What did the woman say then?

17.What was Nasreddin\'s answer?

纳斯瑞丁的第一个妻子死后，他又娶了一个。他的第二个妻子比他年轻得多，他们常常争吵。一天傍晚，纳斯瑞丁回家很迟，他妻子就对他说：“两小时前我就给你做好了晚餐，现在都放坏了。”她很生气，所以推了纳斯瑞丁一下。她很强壮，而纳斯瑞丁却又老又弱，所以他就从楼梯上摔了下来。

纳斯瑞丁有一位邻居，她总是热衷于打听别人家里发生的事，这时她正听着。当她听到纳斯瑞丁从楼梯摔下的声音后，她就来纳斯瑞丁的前门敲门。

“出了什么事了？”她说。

“我的衣服从楼梯上掉下去了。”他回答。

“一件衣服会发出这么大的声音吗！”这位邻居说。

“当然会，”纳斯瑞丁回答说：“如果我在衣服里面的话！”

26

One of Nasreddin\'s rich neighbours gave a big party one evening, but he forgot to invite him.Nasreddin waited and waited, but no invitation came, so at last, when the party had already begun, he 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

took a piece of paper, folded it, put it in an envelope and took it to his neighbour\'s house.

\'I have a very important letter for the host,\' he said to the servants at the door.The servants took him into the big room where everybody was eating, Nasreddin gave the letter to his rich neighbour and at once sat down and began to fill his mouth with food.

The host looked at the envelope, but there was nothing on it, so he said, \'Are you sure that this letter is for me? There is no addre on it.\'

\'Oh, yes,\' said Nasreddin, \'and there is no writing inside it either because it was prepared in a hurry.\' 1.What happened one evening?

2.What did the man forget to do?

3.What did Nasreddin do at first?

4.What did he do then?

5.What did he say?

6.Whom did he say this to?

7.What did the servants do?

8.What was everybody doing?

9.What did Nasreddin do?

10.What did he do then?

11.What did the host do?

12.What was there on the envelope?

13.What did the host say to Nasreddin?

14.What did Nasreddin answer?

一天傍晚，纳斯瑞丁的一位富有的邻居举行了一个盛大的晚会，但他忘记邀请纳斯瑞丁了。纳斯瑞丁等了又等，但仍然没有人来请他，最后，外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

当宴会早已开始后，他拿出一张纸，叠好后装在信封里，带着它到邻居家里去了。

“我有一封很重要的信要给主人，”他对门口的侍者们说。侍者们领他到大厅里，大家正吃着，纳斯瑞丁将信交给他这位富有的邻居，然后马上坐下，将食品塞满嘴里。

主人看着信封，可是上面一个字也没有，于是他问：“你肯定这封信是给我的吗？上面连地址都没有。”

“噢，是的，”纳斯瑞丁说：“并且信里也什么都没有写，因为信是在匆忙中准备的。”

49

A rich man and his wife went into a shop to buy a bracelet.Neither of them was very young.They looked at a lot of beautiful bracelets, and after half an hour there were two which they liked very much, but they had not yet been able to choose between them.One of them was very expensive, and the other was quite a lot cheaper.

Of course, the shopkeeper wanted to sell them the more expensive one, because then he would get more money from them, so he said to the lady, \'Oh, go on.Spend his money.If you don\'t, he will only spend it on his second wife.\'

For several seconds nobody said a word, and then lady said angrily, \'I am his second wife!\' 1.Who went into the shop in this story?

2.Why did they go in there?

3.What happened after half an hour?

4.What were the two bracelets like?

5.What did the shopkeeper want?

6.How old were they?

7.What did they do in the shop?

8.Why did he want this? 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

9.What did he say to the lady?

10.Did she answer at once?

11.What did she say?

12.How did she feel?

一位富翁和他的太太到商店里去买手镯。他们俩都不年轻了。他们看了很多漂亮的手镯，隔了半小时，他们选中了两只最喜欢的，但他们却难以在二者之间再作出选择。二者之中有一只很昂贵，另一只却便宜得多。

店主当然想把贵的一只卖给他们，因为这样他就可以赚他们更多的钱，于是他就对那位太太说：“好吧，买这只吧，花掉他的钱。如果你不花，他就会把钱都花在他的第二位太太身上。”

好几分钟过去了，谁都没有开口，终于那位太太愤怒地开口说：“我就是他的第二位太太！”

54

Mrs.Evans went to a large local cinema one summer afternoon.Half-way through the wonderful film there was the usual interval, so that people could buy sweets, chocolates and ice-cream.

Mrs.Evans rarely bought anything in the cinema, but this time she was feeling hot, so she thought, \'I\'ll have an ice-cream to cool me.I certainly need it.\' Quite a lot of the audience were waiting to buy ice-creams from the girl who was selling them, so Mrs.Evans waited for her turn.

There was a small boy in front of her.When it was his turn, he offered the girl ten pence and asked for an ice-cream, but they cost twenty pence, so the girl said, \'I want another ten pence, please.\'

The small boy put the coin back in his pocket, put his hand in another pocket, took out another ten pence coin and offered that to the girl.

Mrs.Evans was so amused that she paid the other ten pence herself.

A.Answer these questions.外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

1.Why did Mrs.Evans decide to have an ice-cream ii the cinema?

2.Why did :she have to wait before she could buy it?

3.Why did the girl ask the small bay for more money?

4.What did the boy do then?

5.Why did Mrs.Evans help him?

B.Which words in the story mean:

1.big

2.make le hot

3.not at all frequently

4.people in a theatre or cinema

5.should be able to

C.Write this story.Put one word in each empty space.You will find all the correct words in the story.

A man was boasting to a stranger about the beer in his town.

\'Why is it so ...?\' the stranger asked.\'Is it stronger than the ...beer?\'

\'It ...is!\' said the ...man.\'I\'ve ...found a stronger one.A friend of mine was at a cinema, and ...through the film, during the ..., he went to the bar and had a few glaes of it to ...himself, because he felt hot.Then he went into the cinema again.\'

\'Well, and what\'s so wonderful about that?, asked the stranger, putting a ...down as a tip for the barman.

\'When he went in again, he found that there was a different film and a different ..., and when he asked one of them, he discovered that it was the next night!\'

一个夏天的下午，埃文斯太太到当地的一所大电影院去看电影。精采的电影放到一半时，通常总有一个中间休息，使大家在这时能买些糖果、巧克力和冰淇淋。 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

埃文斯太太在电影院里很少买东西吃，但这次她感到很热，所以她想：“我得吃块冰淇淋凉快凉快，我确实需要吃冰淇淋。”很多观众都等着从一个卖冰淇淋的姑娘那里购买，所以埃文斯太太排队等着。

有一个小男孩排在她的前面。当轮到这个男孩买时，他给姑娘10个便士要买一块冰淇淋，但冰淇淋要20个便士，所以这姑娘就说“请给我另外的10个便士。”

这个小男孩把那个硬币放回口袋，把手伸入另外一个口袋，拿出另一个10便士的硬币，交给了那个姑娘。

埃文斯太太被逗乐了，结果她付了那另外的10个便士。

57

Timothy was ten years old.He was not a very good pupil, and he did not like having to do homework, because he preferred to do other things in his free time.Frequently he did not do his homework, and when he did do it, he always made a lot of mistakes.

Then one day, his mathematics teacher looked at Timothy\'s homework and saw that he had got all his sums right.He was very pleasedand rather surprised.He called Timothy to his desk and said to him, \'You got all your home- work right this time, Timothy.What happened? Did your father help you?\'

Usually Timothy\'s father did help him with his home- work, but the evening before this, he had not been able to, because he had not been at home, so Timothy answered, \'No, sir.He was busy last night, so I had to do it all myself.\'

A.Answer these questions,

1.What kind of homework did Timothy\'s teachers expect to see from him?

2.Why was one of his teachers surprised one day?

3.What did he think had happened?

4.Did Timothy usually do his homework alone?

5.When Timothy\'s father helped him with his homework, did he get all of it right? 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

B.Opposites.Write these sentences.Put one word In each empty space.

1.Timothy isn\'t free this evening: he is ....He is doing his homework.

2.Timothy didn\'t get his sums right frequently.He got them right very ....

3.Timothy was an honest boy.He was never ....

4.Timothy\'s teacher didn\'t think it was poible that he had done his homework without

help.He thought it was ....

5.Timothy wasn\'t ashamed of his homework that day: he was ...of it.

蒂莫西10岁了。他不是个很好的学生，而且不喜欢做该做的家庭作业，因为他在课外时间里更喜欢去干些不相干的事。他经常不完成家庭作业，而且，就算他做了，也总是错误百出。

后来有一天，蒂莫西的数学老师批阅他的家庭作业时，发现他的答案全都算对了。老师十分高兴，而且颇为吃惊。他把蒂莫西叫到他的桌子旁并对他说：“这次你的家庭作业全做对了，蒂莫西。怎么回事？是你爸爸帮你做的吗？”

以往蒂莫西的爸爸的确是常常帮他做家庭作业，但那天的前一个晚上，他爸爸因为不在家，没能帮他做，所以蒂莫西回答说：“不是，先生。他昨天晚上很忙，所以我只好全部自己动手做了。”

66

A man met a friend in the street and asked him to lend him five pounds.The friend did so willingly,

A week later they met again.\'You\'ve lent me￡5.Lend me another ;￡5, and then I\'ll owe you￡10,\' the friend said.The man did so,

A few days later they met again, and the friend said, \'You lent me￡10.Lend me another ;￡10, and then I\'ll owe you ;￡20.\' The man did this, although he was rather doubtful about doing it.

Two weeks later the friend asked for more money.\'You\'ve already lent me￡20.Can you make it￡50?\' he said.

The man did not answer for a few seconds, but he was unable to refuse.外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

A month later, the two men met again.\'You\'ve lent me￡50_,\'began the friend.

\'Who? Me?\' answered the man anxiously.\'I disagree! I\'ve never lent you any money!\'

A.Answer these questions.

1.How did the man feel when his friend asked him for the first five pounds?

2.How did he feel when his friend asked him for the second ten pounds?

3 .Why did he then lend him thirty more pounds?

4.Why did he say finally that he had never lent his friend any money?

5.How many times did the man lend his friend money; and how much did he lend him each time?

B.Opposites.What words in the story mean the opposite of:

1.accept

2.agree

3.calmly

4.certain

5.unwillingly

C.Write this story.Put one of these words or no word at an, in each empty space:

It net so

A: \'Can you lend me ten pounds, George?\'

B: \'I think ....Can I have it back on Friday?,

A: \'I doubt ....Won\'t next Sunday be all right?\'

B: \'I\'m afraid ....I need it for Saturday., 外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

A: \'I see ....I was afraid ....Everybody needs money on Saturday.\'

B: \'I agree ....You see, my wife

A: \'You don\'t, have to explain ....I understand ....\'

B: \'I hope ....When I have to refuse a.friend, I don\'t like

一个男人在街上遇到了一个朋友，就向他借5英镑钱。这个朋友乐意地借给了他。

一星期后他们又碰到了一起。“你已经借给我5镑了，再借给我5镑，这样我就欠你10镑了，”借钱的朋友说。那个男人借给他了。

几天以后他们又相见了，那个借钱的朋友说：“你借给了我10镑，再借给我10镑，那么我就欠你20镑了。”那个男人就借给了他，尽管他很怀疑该不该这么做。

两星期后借钱的朋友又要借更多的钱。“你已经借给我20镑了，你可以凑成50镑吗？”他说。

那个男人好几分钟答不上话，但他难以拒绝。

一个月以后，这两人又相遇了。“你已经借给我50镑了„„，”那个借钱的朋友又开口了。

“谁？我吗？”那个男人急忙地回答说：“我没这事！我从没有借给你一分钱！”

41.You Let Me Search Quite

Once upon a time, there was a man who always forgot things.One day, he went out with his little son.He was so happy that he put the son ride his neck.外语下载中心http://down.tingroom.com

After a time, he suddenly thought of his son, he asked people: \"Have you seen my child?\"

One of his villagers laughed and said: \"Don\'t you know he is on your neck?\"

Hearing this, the man took down his son from his neck, he was so angry that he hit the son on the face, then shouted: \"I have told you not to go here and there.Where did you go just now?\" Notes:

(1) think of想起

(2) hearing this听到这话。这是个分词短语，相当于一个表示时间的状语从句，即：When he heard this.Exercises: 根据短文填空：

① Once ______ a time, there was a man who always forgot things.

② He was so happy that he put the son ______ his neck.

③ After _______ time, he suddenly thought of his son.

④ _______ this, the man took down his son from his neck.

⑤ He was so angry that he hit the son _______ the face .

41.叫我好找

古时，有个人记性极差。一天，他带着小儿子出去玩。一高兴，便把小儿子举起来，让他骑在自己的脖子上。

过了一会儿，他忽然想起儿子来，逢人便问：“你看到我孩子了吗？”

“哎，你脖子上的那个不是吗？”有个邻居见了大笑。

这个人一把将小儿子从脖子上揪下来，狠狠地打了一耳光，骂道：“混蛋，叫你别乱跑，刚才你到哪里去了？”

推荐第2篇：英语幽默故事

英语幽默经典故事

（一）

An old man lived alone in northern ireland.His only son was in prison.The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn\'t know anyone who would help him plow up the garden.

He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, \"for heavens sake, don\'t dig up that garden, that\'s where I buried the guns!\"

At 4 am the next morning, a dozen british soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn\'t find any guns.

Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.

His son\'s reply was: \"just plant your potatoes.\" 词汇：

alone

northern Ireland prison garden plow

receive reply heavens sake dig

bury gun

dozen British soldier entire

confused Happen

短语： 译文：

一个老人独居在北爱尔兰，他的独生子正在坐牢。老人想在花园里种些土豆，但不知道谁可以帮忙把泥土翻松。他写信想儿子提及此事，儿子回信说道：“看在上帝的面上，千万不要翻松花园的泥土，我把枪埋在那儿了。”

第二天凌晨4点，一队英国士兵出现在老人家中，在花园把土地翻遍，但并没有找到任何枪支。”

老人写信告诉儿子这件奇怪的事情，问到底发生了什么事情，下一步应该怎么做。

儿子回信道：“你只管种土豆好了。”

（二）

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, \"mom, today in school I was punished for something that I didn\'t do.\"

The mother exclaimed, \"but that\'s terrible! I\'m going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn\'t do?\"

The little girl replied, \"my homework.\" 译文：

一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：“妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩罚。”

妈妈激动地说：“那真是太可怕了！我要跟你的老师好好谈一谈，对了，你没有做过的那件事是什么？”

小女孩回答说：“我的家庭作业。”

（三）

Where Am I 我在哪儿

An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside.He saw a farmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer, \"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?\" \"Yes, \" the farmer looked at him strangely and said, \"you are in your car, sir.\" 译文：

一个英国人在乡下开车时迷了路，他看见一个农民正在附近的地里干活。于是他就把车开过去问那位农民：“劳驾，您能告诉我我现在这是在哪儿吗?” “可以。”农夫奇怪地看了看他，然后说道：“你现在在你的车子里，先生。”

（四）

New Discovery

A farmer was visiting the big city for the first time.Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room.The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.

Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, \"I should have brought my wife!\"

译文：

新发现

一个农民第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年轻漂亮的女模特。

这个农民惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来!”

（五）

A Mistake

An Amercian, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident.They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St.Peterexplained that there had been a mistake.\"Give me $500 each,\" he said, \"and I\'ll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened.\"

\"Done!\" said the American.Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.

\"Where are the others?\" asked a medic.

\"Last I knew,\" said the American, \"the Scot was huggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay.\"

译文：

搞错了

一位美国人，一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。他们到达天堂的门口。在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。“每人给我五百美元，”他说，“我将把你们送回人间，就象什么都没有发生过一样。”

“成交!”美国人说。立刻，他发现自己毫不损伤地站在现场附近。

“其他人在哪儿？”一名医生问道。

“我离开之前，”那名美国人说，“我看见英格兰人正在砍价，而那名加拿大人正在分辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱。”

（六）

A Soldier\'s Brilliant Idea

Mr.Robinson had to travel somewhere on busine, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air.He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat.He found all of them had already had been taken except for one.There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr.Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.

When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it.It was written in ink and said, \"This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you.\" Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.

Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried

3 into the plane.The soldier, who was watching the paengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip.译文：

士兵的高招

由于生意方面的事，罗宾逊先生得出趟门。因为有点紧急，他决定坐飞机。乘机旅行时，他喜欢靠窗坐，故而一登机，他就寻找一个靠窗的座位。他发现只有一个靠窗的座位还空着。在那空座位边坐着一名士兵。令罗宾逊先生纳闷的是，这位士兵没有坐靠窗的位置。罗宾逊先生不管那些，他马上径直朝那个空座位走去。

然而，等到了那儿，他看见座位上有则启事，是用钢笔写的：“为保持装载平衡，特预设该位置，谢谢合作。”罗宾逊先生还从来没有在飞机上见过如此不同寻常的启事。不过，他想飞机上一定装了什么特别重的物品，于是他找了个不靠窗的位置。

又有两三个乘客试图坐在那个士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他们看到那则启事就走开了。当快满座时，一位非常美丽的姑娘匆匆走进机舱。一直在注意进舱旅客的那个士兵赶紧拿掉他旁边空座位上的启事。士兵用这种办法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。

（七）

Keys? Ki?

A friend of mine was giving an English leon to a cla of adult who had recently come to live in the United States.After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the cla to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on.The cla went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, \"Give me the kays.\" The man looked surprised and somewhat at a lo.Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn\'t heard him clearly, so he repeated.\"Give me the kays.\" The Italian shrugged his shoulders.Then, he threw his arms around the teacher\'s neck and kied him on both cheeks. 译文：

钥匙还是接吻

我的一位朋友在给一个成人学生班级上英语课。他们都是新近来美国生活的。在一张桌子上摆了许多日常用品之后，他请全班同学给他挑出尺子，书本，钢笔等。课进行得井然有序，学生们对自己所做的似乎很感兴趣，也很认真。后来轮到一名来自意大利的学生，我的朋友说：“给我钥匙。”那人看起来非常吃惊，也有点手足无措。看到这种情况，我的朋友想是他没有听清楚，于是又重复了一遍：“给我钥匙。”那位意大利学生耸了耸肩。接着，他伸出胳膊搂住老师的脖子在双颊上亲了两下。

（八）

First Flight Mr.Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr.Johnson was very worried about accepting.Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr.Johnson boarded the plane.

His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport.Mr.Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.

After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, \"Look at those people down there.They look as small as ants, don\'t they?\"

\"Those are ants,\" answered his friend.\"We\'re still on the ground.\"

译文：

第一次坐飞机

约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机，他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时，约翰逊先生非常担心，不敢接受。不过，由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的，约翰逊先生终于被说服了，登上了飞机。

他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落，所以他吓得紧闭双眼。

过了一两分钟，他睁开双眼朝窗外望去，接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人，他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小，是不是？”

“那些就是蚂蚁，”他的朋友答道，“我们还在地面上。”

推荐第3篇：英语幽默故事

小学生英语故事

包括：幽默故事（1-7页）、普通小故事（7-40页）。激发小朋友们学英语的兴趣，帮助他们提高成绩。最好每天背一篇，会有不错的效果的 O(∩_∩)O

英文幽默故事：

There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot.There werethree parrots in the shop.One was $5,000; another one, $10,000; and the third one, $30,000.The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That‟s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on.That‟s why he‟s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don‟t know.Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all! But the other two call him „The Bo.‟”

老板最大 有个人到一间商店买鹦鹉。店里有三只鹦鹉，其中一只卖五千元，另一只卖一万元，还有一只卖三万元。顾客问老板：「为什么这只要卖五千元？这个价钱对这种鹦鹉来说太贵了！」老板说：「因为我有训练他讲话。」顾客又问：「那这只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「他除了会说话之外，还会表演一些有趣的动作，好比说跳舞等等，所以才卖这么贵。」顾客接着又问：「那第三只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「我不知道。我从没听过他讲话、吹口哨或唱歌，也没看过他跳舞，什么都没有！不过另外两只叫他：『老板！』」

Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word \"egg\"? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg\"? Student:In the cake,Sir.鸡蛋在哪里？

老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？ 学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。 老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？ 学生：在蛋糕里，先生

Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old.Once he goes to a cinema.It is the first time for him to do that.He buys a ticket and goes in.But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again.After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket.Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket.But a girl asks him,“Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”

汤姆是个小孩， 他才7岁。 当他去电影院的时候。那时他第一次去。他买了张票进去了。 但没过两三分钟他就出来了，然后买了第二张票又进去了。 几分钟后他又出来买了第三张票。 接着两三分钟后他又出来买票。 一个女的问她，“你为什么要买那么多票啊? 你见到了几个朋友？\" \"没有， 我里面没朋友， 但是每当我进门的时候一位大的女人老把我的票给剪了\"

推荐第4篇：英语幽默故事

英语幽默故事

1 A film crew was on location deep in the desert.One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, \"It will rain tomorrow.\" The next day it rained.一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处进行拍摄。一天，一个印度老人来到导演面前对他说：“明天会下雨。”第二天果然下雨了。

A week later, the Indian went up to the director again and said, \"There will be a storm tomorrow.\" The next day there was a storm.一周以后，印度人又来了，他告诉导演说：“明天会有暴风雨。”果然，第二天有暴风雨。

\"This Indian is incredible,\" said the director.He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.“这个印度人真神，”导演说。他告诉他的秘书去雇佣这个印度人来预测天气。

However, after several succeful predictions, the old Indian didn\'t show up for two weeks.然而，几次预测天气成功之后，这个印度人连续两周没有露面。

Finally the director sent for him.\"I have to shoot an important scene tomorrow,\" said the director.\"And I\'m depending on you.What will the weather be like?\" 最后，导演派人把这个印度人请来了。导演对他说：“我明天必须拍摄一个很重要的场景，全都指望你了，明天天气如何啊？” The Indian shrugged his shoulders.\"I don\'t know,\" he said.\"My radio is broken.\" 这个印度人耸了耸肩说道：“我不知道，我的收音机坏了。” 2 Chief is at the wedding 长官在婚礼上

A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.大街上的一个超速驾驶者被警察拦住了。 \"But officer,\" the man said, \"I can explain.\" “但是警官”这个人说道，“我可以解释的”。

\"Just be quiet,\" snapped the officer.\"I\'m going to put you in jail until the chief gets back.\" “保持安静”，警察突然说道。“我将把你送往监狱，直到长官回来。

\"But ,officer, I ….\" “但是，警察，我，，，”。

\"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!\" “我说过了保持安静，你要到监狱了。”

A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, \"You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter\'s wedding.He\'ll be in a good mood when he gets back.\" 几小时后，警察向监狱里看了看说道“算你运气好，因为我们的长官正在他女儿的婚礼上。他会带着一个愉快的心情回来的。” \"Are you sure?\" answered the man in the cell.\"I\'m the groom.\" “你确定”在牢房里的这个人说道。“我就是新郎呀”。

1.stop

stop to do sth 是停下手上的事去做另一件事 stop doing sth 是停止手上正在做的事

2.speeding n.超速行驶

speeding在这里作名词使用，表示超速行驶，也可以作speed现在分词，表示加速。 eg：So where you headed? Was I speeding too? 你要去哪里？我有超速吗？ 3

Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story.Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.

\"You talk to people on the telephone and don\'t see them on the other end of the line, right?\" he began.

The children nodded yes.\"Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone.He\'s on the other end, but you can\'t see him.He is listening though.\"

Just then a little boy piped up and asked, \"What\'s his number?\"

在电话中交谈

每个星期天牧师都会把孩子们叫到教堂前面，然后给他们讲一个故事。一天，他为了更好地阐述祈祷的含义，带来了一台电话机。

“你们和别人在电话里交谈，并没有看到电话线另一端的人，对吗？”他开始问道。孩子们点头称是。“好的，和上帝交谈就象通过电话交谈一样。他就在另一端，虽然你看不见他，但是他正在聆听你的心声。”

就在这时，一个小男孩尖着嗓子问道：“那他的电话号码是什么？” 3

She\'d rather buy a gift

While on a trip, Mom realized that she had forgotten a present for Dad\'s birthday.\"That\'s okay,\" he said, \"The only thing I want is for you to love, honor and obey.\" Mom pondered that idea and then replied \"I\'d rather buy you a gift.\"

她宁愿买一件礼物

旅途中，妈妈想起她忘记给爸爸买一件生日礼物。\"没关系，\"他说，\"我最想要的东西是你的爱、忠贞和温顺。\"妈妈沉思片刻后回答说，\"我宁愿给你买一件礼物。\" 4 Honey, said the husband to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper.

What? Are you crazy? The house is a me, I haven\'t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don\'t feel like cooking a fancy meal!

I know all that.

Then why did you invite a friend for supper?

Because the poor fool\'s thinking about getting married.

亲爱的，丈夫对妻子说：我邀请了一位朋友回家吃晚饭。

什么？你疯了吗？我们的房子乱糟糟的，我很久没有买过东西回来了，所有的碗碟都是脏的，还有，我可不想做一餐累死人的晚饭。

这些我全都知道。

那你为什么还要邀请朋友回来吃晚饭？

因为那个可怜的笨蛋正考虑要结婚呢。 5 DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?

One day, Tim\'s mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right.The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised.He called Tim to his desk and said to him, You got all your homework right this time, Tim.What happened? Did your father help you?

No, sir.He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself, said Tim.

你爸爸帮你了吗？

一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴，同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说：蒂姆，你这次的作业全都做对了，怎么回事？你爸爸帮你做了吗？ 不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。

推荐第5篇：英语幽默故事

英语幽默故事

There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot.There werethree parrots in the shop.One was $5,000; another one, $10,000; and the third one, $30,000.The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That‟s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on.That‟s why he‟s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don‟t know.Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all! But the other two call him „The Bo.‟”

老板最大 有个人到一间商店买鹦鹉。店里有三只鹦鹉，其中一只卖五千元，另一只卖一万元，还有一只卖三万元。顾客问老板：「为什么这只要卖五千元？这个价钱对这种鹦鹉来说太贵了！」老板说：「因为我有训练他讲话。」顾客又问：「那这只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「他除了会说话之外，还会表演一些有趣的动作，好比说跳舞等等，所以才卖这么贵。」顾客接着又问：「那第三只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「我不知道。我从没听过他讲话、吹口哨或唱歌，也没看过他跳舞，什么都没有！不过另外两只叫他：『老板！』」

Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word \"egg\"? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg\"? Student:In the cake,Sir.鸡蛋在哪里？

老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？ 学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。 老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？ 学生：在蛋糕里，先生

Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old.Once he goes to a cinema.It is the first time for him to do that.He buys a ticket and goes in.But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again.After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket.Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket.But a girl asks him,“Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”

汤姆是个小孩， 他才7岁。 当他去电影院的时候。那时他第一次去。他买了张票进去了。 但没过两三分钟他就出来了，然后买了第二张票又进去了。 几分钟后他又出来买了第三张票。 接着两三分钟后他又出来买票。 一个女的问她，“你为什么要买那么多票啊? 你见到了几个朋友？\" \"没有， 我里面没朋友， 但是每当我进门的时候一位大的女人老把我的票给剪了\"

Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him.Man:He is really somebody.What does do? Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery 他真是一个大人物

小孩：我叔叔下面有1000个人。

男人：他真是一个大人物。他是干什么的？ 小孩：墓地守墓人。

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course.He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.一名伟人

老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？ 学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。

Mr.Smith: Waiter, there\'s a dead fly in my soup. Waiter: Yes, sir, I know---it\'s the heat that kills it.史密斯先生：服务员，我的汤里有一只死苍蝇．

服务员：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被烫死的．

Son: Dad, give me a dime.

Father: Son, don\'t you think you\'re getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I gue you\'re right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you? 儿子：爸爸，给我一角钱。

父亲：儿子，你不认为你已经长大了，不该再老是一角一角地要钱了(该自立了)，不是吗？

儿子：爸爸，我想你是对的，那给我一块钱行吗？

A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate. Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the cla, when they‟re eight or ten years old or something like that.So the eight-year-old kid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?” And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.” So the son asked, “How much does it cost?” And the father said, “I don‟t know, son.I‟m still paying.”

有个小孩爱上了另一个小孩，对方是学校的同学。八岁或十岁左右的孩子有时会迷恋班上某个人，然后就以为自己恋爱了。因此这个八岁的小孩回家问他爸爸：「爸爸，结婚很花钱吗？」爸爸说：「是啊，儿子，非常花钱。」儿子又问：「要花多少钱呢？」爸爸说：「我不知道，儿子，我到现在还一直在付钱啊！」

\"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?\" \"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it.\"

“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”

“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”

“I\'m sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy\'s tooth .” “Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。” “20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”

TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract.Now，can anyone give me a good example?

John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short. 老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子？

约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。

The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours.then he started again, and said he:\"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?\"

\"I\'ll venture an answer, \" said an old lady.\"We have worn them off sitting here so long.\".

教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时，他的话题又来了：“让我向进化论者提个问题——如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴，那么现在尾巴到哪里去了？”

“我来试试看，”一位老太太说。

“该是我们在这里坐这么久把它们磨掉了吧。”

A man was going to the house of some rich person.As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road.He said, \"I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat.\" Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust.He went on and came to a river.The river had become very big; so he could not go over it.He waited for some time; then he said, \"I cannot go to the rich man\'s house today, for I cannot get over the river.\" He began to go home.He had eaten no food that day.He began to want food.He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them.Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time. 【译文】 一个人正朝着一个富人的房子走去，当他沿着路走时，在路的一边他发现一箱好苹果，他说：“我不打算吃那些苹果，因为富人会给我更多的食物，他会给我很好吃的东西。”然后他拿起苹果，一把扔到土里去。 他继续走，来到河边，河涨水了，因此，他到不了河对岸，他等了一会儿，然后他说：“今天我去不了富人家了，因为我不能渡过河。” 他开始回家，那天他没有吃东西。他就开始去找吃的，他找到苹果，很高兴地把它们从尘土中翻出来吃了。 不要把好东西扔掉，换个时候你会觉得它们大有用处。

爱乐奇，游世界，学英语，专为5-12岁儿童设计的英语学习网站，

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A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.\"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?\"

\"I gave it to a poor old woman,\" he answered.

\"You\'re a good boy,\" said the mother proudly.\"Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?\" \"She is the one who sells the candy.\"

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home.At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.Now, he asked, \"What\'s the meaning of the word \'Drunk\', dad?\" \"Well, my son,\" his father replied, \"look, there are standing two policemen.If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.\"

\"But, dad,\" the boy said, \" there\'s only ONE policeman!\"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一块儿回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，„醉‟字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night.He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.

Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm.He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his bo: \"I didn\'t have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.\"

\"That\'s fine,\" roared the bo, \"but where were you Monday and Tuesday?\"

安眠药

鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。

星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。” “好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”

普通英语故事

Story 1 I Don‟t Like Her

Bob goes to a new school.

One day he comes back, “Bob, do you like your new teacher?” his mother asks.

“I don‟t like her, Mother.Because first she says that three and three is six, and then she says that two and four is six, too.” 故事1 我不喜欢她

鲍勃的去了所新学校。

一天，他回到家，他妈妈问他：“你喜欢你的新老师吗？”

“不，我不喜欢她，妈妈。因为她先说3加3等于6，然后她又说2加4等于6.”

Story 2 Ten Candies

Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”

“Ten.” Jim says.

“Then,” Mother asks.

“Yes, Mum.Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach.Four and six is ten, isn‟t it right?”

故事2 十块糖

妈妈问儿子：“吉姆， 如果你有10块糖，吃了4块，那你还有几块糖？”

“10块。”吉姆说。

“10块？”妈妈问。

“是的，妈妈。因为4块在我的肚子里面，6块在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不对吗？”

Story 3 Count Tomorrow Morning

It‟s a right.John is looking at the sky.

Tom is John‟s younger brother.He asks John “What are you doing?”

John says, “I‟m counting stars.”

Tom laughs and says, “It‟s really dark now.Why not count them tomorrow morning?”

故事3 明天早上数

这是一个晚上。约翰抬头看着天空。

汤姆是约翰的弟弟。他问约翰：“你在干什么？” 约翰说：“我在数星星。”

汤姆笑着说：“现在天空太黑了。你为什么不等到明天早上再数呢？”

Story 4

Are Flies Yummy?

Tony and his father are eating dinner.

Suddenly Tony asks his father, “Dad, are flies yummy?”

Dad frowns and says, “No, I think it‟s yucky.Why do you ask me this question? It‟s a silly question.”

But Tony says, “ There was one fly in your plate.”

故事4 苍蝇好吃吗？

托尼正和他爸爸一起吃晚餐。

突然，托尼问他的爸爸：“爸爸，苍蝇好吃吗？”

爸爸皱眉说：“我想不好吃。你怎么会问这个问题？这可是一个愚蠢的问题。”

可是托尼说：“刚才你盘子里有一只苍蝇。”

Story 5 I Don‟t Want to Walk Home

Tom is a very old man.After dinner, he likes walking in the street.And he goes to bed at seven o‟clock.

But tonight, a car stopped at his house.A policeman helps him get out.He tells Tom‟s wife, “The old man couldn‟t find his way in the street.He asked me to take him in the car.”

After the policeman leaves there, his wife asks, “Tom, you go to the street every night.But tonight you can‟t find the way, what‟s the matter?”

The old man smiles like a child and says, “I couldn‟t find my way? I didn‟t want to walk home.”

故事5 我不想走回家

汤姆是一位老人，他喜欢在晚饭后到大街上散步，在7点回来睡觉。

但是，今天晚上一辆小汽车停在他家门前，汤姆在一位警察的帮助下走下汽车。警察告诉汤姆的妻子：“这位老人在街上迷路了，他让我用汽车送他回来。”

警察走后：“汤姆，你每天都到那条街上散步，但是今天你迷路了，你怎么了？”

这位老人像孩子般的笑道：“我迷路了？我是不想走路回家。”

Story 6 It Must Be Crowded A teacher is telling his students, “The moon is very large.Several millions people can live there.”

And a boy laughs and says, “It must get crowded when it‟s a crescent moon.” 故事6 一定很拥挤

一位告诉学生：“月亮非常大，上面能住几百人。”

一个男孩笑着说：“当月亮变成月牙的时候，住在上面的人该多拥挤啊！”

Story 7 It‟s Good to Admit a Fault

John is not a “good” student.He always sleeps in the cla.Today he sleeps again.

“John!” Teacher says angrily.

“What? What‟s wrong?” John is awaken.

“Why do you make a face? It‟s claroom.Look! Everyone is laughing.” Teacher says. “No one is laughing.” Teacher says.

“No, it‟s not me.I was not making a face.I was sleeping.” John fells upset.“Um.Not bad.You can admit your fault.You are still a good boy.” Teacher is satisfied with it.故事 7 认错

约翰并不是个“好”学生。他总是在上课的时候睡觉。今天他又睡着了。

“约翰！”老师生气地喊他。 “什么？出什么事了？”约翰醒了。

“你为什么要做鬼脸？这是教室！看看！同学们都在笑！”老师生气地说。 “没有人在笑呀。”其他同学笑声地嘀咕。

“不，不是我。我没有做鬼脸。刚才我睡着了。”约翰感到不安。 “嗯，还不错。你承认自己的错误，还是给好孩子”老师为此感到满意。

Story 8

Adding Feet to a Snake

One day, Mr.Lion holds a party.Many animals come and drink a lot of wine.At last there is a pot of wine.Who can drink it? They drink out an idea and decide to have a match-Draw a snake.If you finish first, you can get it.

Soon Mr.Wolf finishes drawing.“Yeah, I‟ve finished.I‟m No.1,” he says.But he draws again and says, “Oh, let me add feet and my snake.” At the time, Mr.Gorilla also finishes.He takes away the pot of wine and drinks, then he says, “That isn‟t a snake.Snakes have no feet.I get the wine.”

故事8

画蛇添足

一天，狮子先生举行一场聚会，许多动物都来了，他们喝很多酒。最后只剩一壶酒了。让谁喝呢？它们想了想，有个主意。它们比赛画蛇，谁最快画好，谁就喝这壶酒。

不一会，狼先生画好了。“哈，我画好了，我是第一个。”它说。可是它又画了起来，它还说：“再给它加几只脚吧。”这是猩猩先生也画好了。它拿起那酒壶喝起来。一边喝一边说：“那不是蛇，蛇是没有脚的，我赢了这壶酒。”

Story 9

Covering One‟s Ears While Stealing a Bell

Mr.Wang thinks he is clever, but he always does foolish things. One day he sees a beautiful bell at the top of a door.“Oh! How nice! I will take it home.” He thinks, “What can I do?” After a while he has a “good” idea.“Aha! I have an idea now.I can plug my ears.Then I will not hear the ring when I take off the bell.”

Then he does so.But as soon as he takes off the bell, the owner opens the door.“What ate you doing?” the owner says angrily.

故事9 掩耳盗铃

王先生总以为自己很聪明，实际上他总干傻事。

一天，他看见一户人家的门头有个很漂亮的铃铛。“啊，真漂亮啊！我要把它拿回家去。”他自言自语道：“我该怎么做呢？”过了一会儿他想到了一个“好”主意。“啊哈！我有办法了！我把耳朵堵上，拿铃铛的时候就听不见铃声了。”

于是他就这样做了。可是他刚拿下铃铛，屋子的主人就打开门，怒气冲冲地说：“你在干什么？”

Story 10

Adding Eyes to a Dragon Mr.Li is a good painter.One day he draws a beautiful dragon without eyes.

Mr.Zhou looks at the picture and says, “The dragon has no eyes.It isn‟t a good picture.”

But Mr.Li smiles and says, “If I add eyes to the dragon, it will fly away.”

Mr.Zhou shakes head and says, “You are boasting.I don‟t believe you.”

Mr.Li isn‟t angry.He holds the paintbrush and adds eyes to the dragon.Woe! The dragon really flies.

故事 10 画龙点睛

李先生是位很好的画家。一天画了一条栩栩如生的龙，但是这只龙没有眼睛。

周先生见了说：“这条龙没有眼睛。这不算一张好画。”

可是李先生笑着说：“如果我给它加上眼睛，它就会飞走了。”

周先生摇头说：“你吹牛。我不相信。”

李先生也不生气，只是拿起笔给龙点上眼睛。哇！龙真的飞走了。

Story 11

Lord Ye‟s Love of the Dragon

There is a young man, Lord Ye.He likes dragons vey much.He draws many dragons in his house.The house becomes a world of dragon.

A red dragon hears of Lord Ye, and is deeply moved.He wants to visit Lord Ye and makes a friend with him.

“Hi, Mr.Ye! Nice to meet you,” the real dragon comes to visit Mr.Ye runs away as fast he can.“Oh, my God! Help! Help!” he runs and shouts.”

故事11

叶公好龙

有个年轻人，姓叶，非常喜欢龙.他在屋里里面了许多许多龙。这屋子都快成了龙的世界。

一龙真龙听说了叶公的事，很受感动，就想去拜访叶公，和他交个朋友。

“嘿。叶先生！很高兴见到你。”这条真龙拜访叶先生了。可是叶先生飞快地逃了。忒边跑边喊：“啊，我的天啊！救命！救命！”

Story 12

I Made Granny Glad

A teacher is telling her students the importance of making others glad.“Now, children,” she says“Did you make someone else glad?”

“Please, teacher,” says a small boy, “I made someone glad yesterday.” “Well done.Who was that?” The teacher says.“My granny.” The boy says.

“Good boy.Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad.” The teacher says.“I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her for three hours.Then I said to her, „Granny, I‟m going home.‟ And she said, “well.I‟m glad!”

故事12 我让奶奶高兴了

一位教师正在对学生将使人高兴的重要性。“听着，孩子们，”他说：“你们曾让别人高兴过吗？”

“我，老师，”一个男孩子说，“昨天我就使别人高兴过。” “做得好。是谁呢？”老师说。 “我奶奶。”小男孩说。

“好孩子。现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的？”老师问道。

“是这样的，老师。昨天我去看她，在她那儿呆了3个小时。然后我对她说：“奶奶，我要回家了。”她说：“啊，我很高兴。”

爱乐奇，游世界，学英语，专为5-12岁儿童设计的英语学习网站，

欢迎访问：http://www.daodoc.com/alo777 Story 13 Look at the Sky from the Bottom of a Well

There is a frog.He lives in a well and he never goes out of the well.He thinks the sky is as big as the mouth of the well.One day a crow comes to the well.He sees the frog and says, “Frog, let‟s have a talk.” Then the frog asks, “Where are you from?” “I fly from the sky,” the crow says.The frog feels surprised and says, “The sky is only as big as the mouth of the well.How do you fly from the sky?”

The crow says, “The sky is very big.You always stay in the well, so you don‟t know the world is big.”

The frog says, “I don‟t believe.” But the crow says, “You can come out and have a look by yourself.”

So the frog comes out from the well.He is very surprised.How big the world is!

故事13 坐井观天

有一只青蛙住在井底，他从来没有去过井外面。他以为天空就和井口一样大。 一天， 一只乌鸦飞到井边，看见青蛙，就对它说：“青蛙，咱们聊聊吧。”青蛙就问他：“你从哪里来？”“我从天上上来。青蛙惊讶了，就说：“天空就只有这井口这么大，你怎么会从天上飞老呢？”

乌鸦说：“天空很大。只不过你一直呆在井里，所有不知道世界很大。”青蛙说：“我不相信。”乌鸦说：“你可以出来，自己看看嘛。” 于是青蛙来到井外。他十分惊讶，原来世界这么大！

Story 14 I can‟t Cook It

It‟s sunny day in spring.Mi Cat is fishing.Suddenly the fishing rod moves.“Great! Oh, it‟s so heavy!” Mi Cat says happily.

The fish is plucked out of the river.“Oh, a big fish! How big the fish is!” She cheers.But she puts the fish into the river and goes on fishing. At the time Mr.House goes by and sees it.“What do you set it free?” He asks.“Because my pot is too small.I can‟t cook it,” Mi Cat says.

故事14 我没法煮它

这是春天里一个阳光明媚的日子，猫小姐在河边钓鱼。突然鱼竿动了动。“太棒了！哇，好重啊！”猫小姐高兴地喊着。

鱼被拉出来了。“啊！一条大鱼！这条大鱼可真大呀！”她欢呼道。但是她却把鱼放回河里，又继续钓鱼。

这时候马先生路过，看见这一切，就问她：“为什么你把鱼放了？” “因为我的锅太小。我没办法烧这么大的鱼。”猫小姐回答说。

Story 15

That Is Not My Dog!

A woman walks into a pet shop and sees a cute little dog.She asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”

The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bit.”

The woman tries to pet the dog and the dog bites her. “Ouch!” She says, “I thought you said your dog does not bite!” The shopkeeper replies, “That is not my dog!”

故事15

那不是我的狗

一个妇人走进一家宠物店，看见一只很可爱的小狗。她问店主：“你的狗咬人吗？”

店主说：“不，我的狗不咬人。”

于是这个妇人试着抚摸小狗，可是小狗却咬了她。 “哎哟！”妇人说，“我想你刚才还说你的狗不咬人。” 店主人回答说：“那不是我的狗。”

Story

Wrong

Mark‟s favorite cup is broken, and he feels unhappy.Susan sees and asks him, “ You look sad.What‟s the matter?”

Mark says, “There is something wrong with my cup.”

Susan says, “Don‟t worry.I can repair it.”

Mark feels surprised and asks, “Repair? You can repair it? You?”

“Yes.Believe me! Where is it?” Susan answers.

“Here.My cup is broken.Are you sure you can repair it?” Mark takes out his cuo.

故事16 误会

马克最喜欢的杯子了，他很不开心。苏珊看见了就问他：“你看上去不太开心。怎么了？”

苏珊说：“别担心。我会补好它的。”

马克听了感到奇怪，就问她：“补？你会补？真的吗？”

“没错。相信我。在哪里呢？”苏珊说。

“这儿。我的cup破了。你确信补好它吗？”马克拿出了杯子。

“cup？ 你以为是cap.”苏珊说道。说完他俩都笑了。

Story 17

My “Clever” Dog

Bobby is my dog.I love him.He can roll on the floor.He can play balls with me.He can look after my house when I am out.Bobby is very clever.But sometimes he isn‟t.

One day Bobby runs away.He is out for three days.After he comes back, I tie him to a tree and give him some food.Bobby begins to eat.But then he stops.He sees a fox.The fox is looking at his food.Bobby barks and barks.He wants to catch the fox.But he can‟t.The fox runs round the tree.Bobby runs after the fox.So the rope goes ground the tree.Of course Bobby can‟t run.The doc can eat the food.Quickly she eats up the food and runs away.

故事17

我“聪明“的狗

巴比是我的狗。我很爱他。他会在地板上打滚。他会和我玩球。他能在外出的时候帮我看家。巴比很聪明，可是有些时候他也不聪明。

一天，巴比跑了出去，3天没回家。他回来后，我把他拴在一棵树上，给他一些食物。巴比吃着食物，但是又停了下来。他看见一只狐狸。这只狐狸正盯着他的食物。巴比朝狐狸一个劲地叫。他想抓住狐狸。但是他办不到。狐狸喀什绕着树跑，巴比就追着它跑。于是绳子就绕在了数上。当然巴比就跑不开了。那只狐狸跑去吃他的食物。很快就吃光了所有食物，而后跑走了。

Story 18 Snow White

Snow White is born on a cold winter day.She is as white as snow.Her eyes are very big, her hair very long and her voice is sweet.She is very kind and beautiful.Everyone loves her.Her mummy, the Queen loves her, too.But she died.

A new Queen comes.She is beautiful, but bad.She doesn‟t like Snow White, because Snow White is the most beautiful girl in the world. “I will kill Snow White.” So she orders a hunter to kill Snow White.The hunter is an honest man.“You are a good girl; I don‟t want to kill you.” So he lets Snow White go.

Snow White goes into a forest.She finds a house, and goes into the house.Seven dwarfs live there.They like Snow White, and ask Snow White to live with them.

No sooner, the new Queen dies.Because she isn‟t the most beautiful woman in the world.

故事 18 白雪公主

白雪公主出生在一个寒冷的冬天，因此她像雪一样洁白无瑕。她又两只大眼晴，有漂亮的长头发和甜蜜的声音。她又善良又美丽。每个人都很喜欢她。她妈妈——皇后也爱她，但她死了。

一位新皇后来了，她很漂亮但很恶毒。她不喜欢白雪公主，因为白雪公主是世界上最美丽的女孩。

“我一定要杀死白雪公主。“因此，她命令一位猎人去杀白雪公主。这位猎人是一个诚实的人。 “你是一个好姑娘，我不想杀你。”所有他放走了白雪公主。

白雪公主走进一片森林，她发现了一个房子，并且走进了房子。七个小矮人住在房子里。他们很喜欢白雪公主并留她一起住下来了。

不久，女皇死了，因为她不是世界上最美丽的人。

Story 19

The Clever King Solomon

Long, long ago, there was a king.Solomon was his name.He was very clever.

In his country, there were two women.They lived in the same house and each had a child.

One night, one of the babies died.The dead baby‟s mother took the other woman‟s baby, and put it in her own bed.

The next morning , they had a quarrel.

“No, this is my baby!” The dead is yours!”

Each one wanted the living baby.So they went to see King Solomon.“Bring me a knife, cut the child into two and five each woman one half.” said the King.“Oh.Your Majesty! Give her my baby.Please don‟t kill my baby!”

Then King Solomon pointed to the woman in teas and said, “Give the baby to her.She is the mother.”

故事19 聪明的国王所罗门

很久很久之前，有一位国王，他的名字叫所罗门，他非常聪明。

在他的国家里，有两位妇女，她们住在同一间房子里。各有一个婴儿。

一天夜里，其中一个婴儿死了。他的妈妈抱另一位妇女的小孩，把他放在自己的床上。

第二天早上，他们发生了争吵。

“不，这是我的孩子！这个死的是你的！”

他们都想要这个活着的孩子，于是她们去见所罗门国王。 “给我拿把刀来，把这个孩子切成两半，没人一半。”国王判决道。 “哦，陛下，把我的孩子给她吧。请不要杀了我的孩子！”一位母亲哭喊道。 于是所罗门指着流泪的妇女说：“把孩子给她，她是真正的母亲。”

Story 20

Catching a Thief

Witty Hare can run very fast.One day when he gets home.He sees a rat.The rat is jumping down his window.“Oh.A thief!” Witty Hare shouted and catches the rat, “You can‟t run faster then me.” Soon Witty Hare catches up with the rat, and the rat is left behind, “I must run away,‟ the rat says and laughs, “He is so silly.”

Witty Hare goes on running.A sheep sees him and asks him, “What a re you doing?” “I‟m catching the thief.” Witty Hare says.“ Thief? Where‟s the thief?” the sheep fells surprised.“He‟s behind me ,”Witty Hare says proudly.

故事20

追贼

机灵的肚子跑得很快。一天，她回到家的时候看见一只老鼠。这只老师正从它家的窗户跳下去。“啊！ 贼！”机灵肚子喊着追过去。 “你跑不过我的！” 不一会它追上了老鼠，还把老鼠丢在后面。“我得赶紧逃。”老鼠窃笑着说：“这家伙真笨。”

机灵兔子继续跑着。一只绵羊看到了就问塔：“你在干什么？”“我在追贼。”机灵兔子说。“贼？贼在哪里啊？”绵羊感到奇怪。 “它在我后面呢。”机灵兔子自豪地说着。

Story 21

A Clever Panda

A little panda picks up a pumpkin and wants to take it home.But the pumpkin is too big.The panda can‟t take it home.

Suddenly she sees a bear riding a bike toward her.She watches the bike.“I know! I have a good idea.” she jumps and shouts happily, “I can roll a pumpkin.It‟s like a wheel.”

So she rolls the pumpkin to her home.When her mother sees the big pumpkin, she is surprised, “Oh, my God! How can you carry it home?” the little panda answers proudly, “I can‟t lift it, but I can roll it.” Her mother smiled and says，“What a clever girl! Use you heard to do something,”

故事21

聪明的熊猫

一只小熊猫摘了一只大南瓜，想把它拿回家。但是这只南瓜太大了，她没有办法把这么大的南瓜带回家。

突然她看见一只狗熊骑着一辆自行车朝她这边来。她看着自行车，跳着说：“有了！我有办法了。我可以把南瓜滚回家去。南瓜好像车轮。

于是她把那瓜滚回家。当她妈妈看到这只大南瓜的时候，很惊讶：“天啊！这么食的南瓜！你是怎么把它带回家来的？”小熊猫自豪地说；“我拎不动它，可是我能滚动它啊！”她妈妈微笑着说：“真聪明啊！记住：只要你肯动脑筋，没有难办的事。”

Story 22

The Ox and the Dog

An ox and a dog serve for the same farmer. One day the dog arrogantly says: “How grand I am! In the daytime, I watch out for the cattle in the meadows; at night, I guard the house.But you…” “Me? How about me ?” the ox says “You can only plough or draw a cart,” the dog slightly says.

“Yes.It‟s true,” the ox says.“But if I don‟t plough, what do you guard?”

故事22 牛和狗

一头牛和一只狗同时为一个农夫工作。

一天， 狗骄傲地说着；„我是多么重要啊！白天我在牧场看护家群，晚上我看家。而你呢…..?”

“我？我怎么啦？“ 牛反问。

“你只会犁地或是拉扯。”狗不懈地说。

“是的。你说得没有错，”牛回答道。“但是如果没有我犁地，你看护什么呢？”

爱乐奇，游世界，学英语，专为5-12岁儿童设计的英语学习网站，

欢迎访问：http://www.daodoc.com/alo777 Story 23 Go to the Cinema

A lorry driver, David is driving 200 penguins to London Zoo.But his lorry breaks down on the motorway, when another lorry driver, Robert stops in the front of him, David asks for help, and explains that he is taking the penguins to the zoo.Robert says, “Ok.I can help you.”

Some hours later, Robert drivers back and paes David.David is still on the lorry, and look happy. “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.” David says.

Robert replies, “I did, but I had some money left, so I‟m going to the cinema now.”

故事23

去电影院

一个叫戴维的货车司机载着200只企鹅去伦敦动物园。可是他的车在高速公路上坏了。当一辆货车停在他面前的时候，戴维向司机罗珀特求救，并且解释自己要送这些企鹅去伦敦动物园。罗珀特说：“行，我帮你。”

几个小时过后，罗珀特又回来了，并经过戴维生病，戴维还等在高速公路上。那些企鹅也还在车上，特高兴的样子。

“我想我告诉过你吧这些企鹅送进动物园的。”戴维说。 罗珀特回答说：“是的，我去了。但是我的钱包丢在电影院了，所有我现在要回那里去。”

Story 24

Wolf Is Coming

There is a naughty boy in a village.He likes telling lies.One day he wants to make fun of the farmers.So he shouts, “Wolf! Wolf! Wolf is coming!” The kind farmers are working in the field.They hear the shout, and hurry to help the boy.But when get there, the boy says: “There isn‟t a wolf.I‟m joking.The farers are angry and go back to their field.After a while the biy shouts again, “Wolf! Wolf! Wolf is coming!” And the farmers come and are cheated again.The boy laughs and laughs.They say, “You tell lies.We will not believe you.”

Later a wolf really comes.The boy is very scared.“Wolf! Wolf! Wolf is coming!” the boy shouts and shouts.“Help! Help!” But no one comes.And wolf eats the naughty boy.

故事24

狼来了

村子里有个淘气的小男孩，他喜欢撒谎。一天，他想捉弄村名，就大喊：“狼来了！狼来了！” 善良的村民们正在地里干活，听到喊声，赶快去救他。俄式他们到了那里，男孩说：“没有狼。我跟你们开完先的。”村民很生气，回到田里。不一会，那孩子大喊：狼来了！狼来了！”村民来了，却再次被欺骗。男孩开心地大笑，村民们说：“你说谎。我们再也不会相信你了。”

后来狼真的来了。男孩十分害怕。 “狼来了！狼来了！”他大声呼喊，“救命啊！救命！”但是没人来。结果这个淘气的男孩被狼吃了。

Story 25 Change Name

Tom is 16.he decides to leave home and joins a music company.His father hears that and angry, “Singer? My son? It‟s disgrace!” he shouts, “What do they think of the neighbors know?”

“I will change my name,” Tom says.He thinks he will become a singer in the future.“Change your name?” Tom‟s father shouts angrily, “What if you‟re succeful? How will the neighbors know you are my son.?” 故事25

改名字

汤姆16岁了。她决定离家参加一个唱片公司。他父亲听后很生气：“唱歌？我的儿子啊！真丢脸。”他大喊，“要是邻居们知道，他们会怎么想？”

“我会改名字的。”汤姆说。他认为自己将来会成为一名歌手。

“改名字？”汤姆的父亲生气地说，“如果你成名了怎么？邻居们怎么知道你是我的儿子？”

Story 26 Three Little Pigs and a Big Wolf Once, a mother pig sent her three little children into the world.They needed to look after themselves.

The first pig found some straw, and he built a fine house with straw, and he built a fine house with straw.The second pig built a house with wood.The third pig built a house with stone.One day, a wolf came to straw house, he was hungry.“Little pig let me in! I‟m your brother.” “No, no! You are a wolf.”

Then the wolf blew down the straw house.The first pig ran to the wooden house.Then the wolf came to the wooden house, too.The two pigs ran to the stone house.The wolf came and blew the stone house.He blew and blew, but the house didn‟t fall down.Then wolf was angry, he climbed to the roof and jumped down the chimney.

The wolf fell into the pot! Ouch! He ran away.The three little pigs lived happily.

故事26

从前，猪妈妈把她的三个小孩打发出去，因为他们需要学会照顾自己。 第一只小猪找到一些稻草，他盖了一座漂亮的草房子。 第一只小猪盖了一座木头房子。 第二只小猪了盖了一座石头房子。

一天，一只大灰狼来到草房前，他十分饥饿。 “小猪，让我进去，我是我你兄弟。” “不，不，你是大灰狼。”

然后大灰狼就把草屋吹倒了，第一只小猪逃到了木头屋子里。

然后狼来到木头前，他吹呀吹可是吹不倒石头房子。狼发怒了，他爬上了屋顶并从烟囱往下跳。

在烟囱下面的火炉上有一锅水。三只小猪用大火把得很烫。 狼掉进了锅里！哎呀！他逃走了？ 三只小猪从此过着快乐的生活。

Story 27 The Wolf and the Crane

There is a bad wolf in the forest.One day he is eating a lamb.Suddenly a bone sticks in his throat.

“Oh, a bone is my throat.” He goes to see a doctor, “Please help me.” The doctor, Mr.Panda says, “Sorry, I can‟t help you.The bone is inside.”

“What can I do?” the wolf is sad.Then he meets a crane.“Oh, dear crane.Please help me.A bone is in my throat.I will pay for your help.”

“Ok.Let me have a try,” the crane says.She pulls out the bone with her bill.“Now I will go.Remember your words.You should pay me,” she says.

“Well.Pay you.I remember,” the wolf says.With the words, the wolf bites off the crane‟s neck and eats her up.

故事27

狼与鹤

森林里有一只很坏的狼。一天，他正在吃一只羊羔.突然一根骨头卡在他的喉咙里了。

“哎呀，一根骨头卡在我的喉咙里了。”他赶忙去看医生， “请帮帮我吧。”医生熊猫先生说：“很抱歉，我帮不了你。骨头卡在里面。”

“我该怎么办啊？”狼伤心。后来他遇到一只鹤。“亲爱的鹤小姐，请救救我吧，一根头卡在我的喉咙里了。我会给你报酬的。”

“好吧。我试试看。”鹤小姐说。她用她的长嘴把骨头拉了出来。“现在我要走了。记住你的话，你该给我报酬的。”

“好的，给你报酬。”狼突然说，突然咬住鹤的长脖子，把她吃了。

Story 28 A Friend in Need Is a Friend Indeed

Jack and Ben are good friends.One day, they explore a forest together.When they go deep into the forest, suddenly they hear a sound. “What‟s that? The sound is so terrible.” Ben says.

“Oh! Bear! Look! A bear!” Jack says and climbs quickly on a tall tree.

Ben tries to climb on the tree.But he can‟t.“What can I do? Help me please! “Ben says to Jack.But Jack does nothing.

The bear is coming.Ben lies down quickly and pretends to die.The bear looks at Ben and walking around him.Ben holds his breath.The bear smells Ben and thinks he‟s dying, and then the bear goes away.

When Jack sees the bear going far, he slides down from the tree and wakes Ben.“What did the Bear whisper to you?” Jack asks Ben.

“Why didn‟t you help me? Have you not heard the sentence: A friend in need is a friend indeed?” Ben shouted.

故事28

患难见真情

杰克和本是一对好朋友。一天，他俩结伴去森林探险。当他们深入森林时，突然听到一个声音。

“那是什么？这声音真恐怖。”本说。

“啊！是熊！快看！熊！”杰克边说边迅速爬到身旁的颗大树上。

本试着爬在树上，可是他做不到。“我怎么办啊？快帮帮我？”本朝杰克喊道。可是杰克什么也没有做。

熊来了。本赶快躺在地上装死。熊看看本。绕着他走了儿圈。本赶忙屏住呼吸。熊又低下头闻了本，以为他死了，然后就走开了。

杰克看到熊走远了，他才滑下树来，叫醒本。“熊刚才跟你说什么了？“杰克好奇地文本。

“你刚才为什么不帮我？难道你没有听对患难见真情这句话吗？”本大声喊道。

Story 29

A Clever Hare

Billy hare is hungry and finds a radish.What he picks it up, Mr.Fox is behind him and wants to eat him.“I‟m hungry, too.You‟ve my dinner.I‟m going to eat you,” ha says.

Billy Hare is shocked, but he isn‟t scared.He says, “Follow me.I have better food for you.” They go to a well.“Look down here,” Billy Hare says “There is something in the water.“What‟s that?” Mr.Fox asks surprisingly.“It‟s a big and fat hen.Let‟s get down and fetch it.” Billy Hare says and gets down with a pail. “Can you out the hen into the pail?” Mr.Fox shouts.“No.She‟s too big,” Billy Hare says, “Come down, please.We can take her up together.Jump into the other pail.”

Mr.Fox does so.When he gets down, Billy Hare gets up.“Good-bye!” Billy Hare gets down, Billy Hare gets out of the well and says.Mr.Fox can‟t get out.

故事29

聪明的野兔

野兔比利很饿，他找到了一只萝卜。当他捡起萝卜的时候，狐狸先生正在他的生后，想吃了他。 “我也饿了。你是我的晚餐，我要吃了你。”狐狸说。

比利很吃惊，但是他并不害怕。他说：“跟我来，我有更好的食物给你。”

他们来来一口井边。

“朝这下面看，”比利说， “水里有东西。”“是什么呀？”狐狸先生好奇地问：“那是一只有大又费肥的母亲。我们下去把她捉上来。”比利说着，乘一只水桶下去了。

“你能把鸡放进桶里里。”狐狸问他：“不行，这只鸡太大了，”比利说，“下来吧。我们可以一起把它捉上去。快掉到另一只水桶里吧。”

狐狸照做了。当他下去的时候，比利就上来了。“再见。”比利从井里出来时说。而狐狸却出不来了。

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Story 30 Father‟s Things

When Peter is 17, he is as tall as his father.So he begins to borrow his father‟s clothes when he wants to go out with his father‟s clothes when he wants to go out with his friends in the evening.Father doesn‟t like this.And he always gets very angry when he finds his son wearing any of his things. One evening when Peter is about to go out; his father stops him in the living room.He looks at Peter‟s clothes very carefully.Then he says angrily, “Isn‟t that one of my ties, Peter?”

“Yes, Father, it is,” answers Peter.

“And that shirt is mine, too.”

“Yes, that‟s your, too.” answers Peter.

“And you‟re wearing my belt!”

“Yes, I am, Father,” answers Peter, “You don‟t want to your trousers to fall down, do you?”

故事30

父母的东西

皮特17岁的时候，长得和父亲一样高了。于是，当他晚上和朋友一起出去时，就开始借父亲的衣服穿。可是这位父亲可不喜欢这样，当他发现他的儿子穿他的衣服时，总是非常生气。

一天晚上，皮特准备出去，父亲在客厅里拦住了他。父亲细细打量着皮特的穿着。然后气呼呼的说着；“皮特，那不是我的领带吗？”

皮特回答说：“是的，父亲，是您的领带。” “还有那衬衫也是我的。”

“是的，衬衫也是您的。”皮特回答说。 “还有呢，你连皮带也用我的。”父亲说。

“是的，父亲，”皮特回答说，“您不愿意让您的裤子掉下来吧？”

Story 31

The Thirsty Dog

A dog is very thirsty.But he only sees some empty pails.There is no water in them.The dog goes on looking for water.He comes to a small house.There is a girl in it.The girl goes out with a pail.“She goes to a well,” the dog thinks and follows her.The dog is right.The girl comes to a well and puts down the pail, and the pail is full of water, there the girl goes back to her house.

“ Water! Great!” the dog says and runs to the well.He jumps into the well without thought.”

The water is good.The dog is happy and drinks much.But he can‟t jump out of the well.He waits and waits.But no one comes.“I‟m hungry now.I must go out,” he thinks.

At the time a thirsty goat comes to the well.He looks at the water and the dog.“Is the water good?” the goat asks.“ Of course.Come down,” the dog says.Then the goat jumps into the well, too.Then dog is happy.He jumps on the goat‟s back and jumps out of the well. The dog has a look at the goat and says, “Goodbye!” Then he leaves.

故事31 一只口渴的狗

有一只狗口很渴，他只找到一些空空的水桶，里面没有水。他继续找水。他来到一座小房子前面。房子里住着一个小姑娘。小姑娘拎着只水桶出来了。 “她要去打水。”狗想道，并跟在她后面。果然不错，小姑娘来到一口井边，把水桶放入井里，水桶水满了。然后小姑娘回去了。

“水！太好了！”狗叫着跑过去。他想也没想就跳下井去了。

井水真的不错。狗可高兴了。喝了许多水，但是他没有办法跳出来了。他等了好久，但是没有人来。 “我饿了，我得出去。”他想着。

这时候一只口渴的山羊到井边来了，他看了看井水和这只狗。“这水好和吗？”山羊问狗：“当然了。快下来吧。“狗回答说。于是山羊也跳到井里了。狗高兴极了。他跳上山羊的背，又跳出了水井。

狗看了一眼山羊说声：“再见。”就跑开了。

Story 32

A Smart Tortoise

A tiger is hungry, he is looking for food.He sees a frog in front of him. “Ha ha! A frog! My dinner!” so he rushes at the frog.

Behind the tiger, there is a tortoise.The little tortoise sees it; he bites the tiger‟s tail.“Ouch!” cries the tiger and he looks back.The frog hears the voice and jumps into water. “Thank you, little tortoise.” says the frog.But the tiger is very angry.“Bother it! I‟ll throw you to the sky!” “Thank you, I like flying in the sky,” says the tortoise.The tiger stops, “I will throw you into the river.”

“Oh,no! I can‟t swim; I will die if you throw me into the water.” The tiger threw the tortoise into the water quickly. “Thank you, Mr.Tiger.Bye-bye.” The tortoise and the frog swim away together.

故事32 聪明的乌龟

一只老虎很饥饿，他正在寻找食物。他看到一只青蛙在他前面。 “哈哈！一只青蛙，我有晚餐啦！”于是，他补向青蛙。

在老虎的后边，有一只乌龟。小乌龟看见了，他猛咬一下啊老虎的尾巴。 “哎呦！”老虎疼得叫起来并回头看看。此时青蛙听见了老虎的声音，他迅速跳进水里。

“谢谢你，小乌龟。”青蛙说。

大事老虎十分愤怒：“讨厌！我要把你扔到天上去。” “谢谢你，我喜欢在天空飞翔。”乌龟说。 老虎停下来：“那我就把你扔到到水里。”

“哦，不！我不会游泳，如果你把我扔井水里我会死的。”老虎很快就把乌龟仍进水了。

“谢谢你，老虎先生，再见！”乌龟和青蛙一起游走了。

Story 33 The Rabbit and the Fox

Once there was a naughty rabbit.He likes to play tricks, and it made other animals angry.But it was very different to catch him. One day, a wolf said to a fox, “I have an idea to catch the rabbit.You go back home and get into bed.I‟ll go to the rabbit and tell him that you are dead.If he comes to see you, you‟ll jump up and catch him.”

“Good idea,” said the fox, “I‟ll do that.” Then fox ran home and got into bed.The wolf went to the rabbit‟s house and said, “Mr.Rabbit, have you heard Mr.Fox is dead?” The wolf stood at the door, and then he went away.

“Really? I haven‟t heard anything about it.” The rabbit said to himself, so he decided to go and see if it was true.He went to the fox‟s house and looked in through the window.He saw the fox lying in bed.He opened the door and went in.he looked at the fox and said, “Mr.Wolf says Mr.Fox is dead, but he doesn‟t look like a dead fox.A dead fox always open his mouth.”

When the fox heard this, he thought, “I‟ll show him that I am dead.” So he opened his mouth.The rabbit saw the fox open his mouth, and he knew the fox was not dead.He ran out of the house as fast as he could.

故事33

兔子和狐狸

以前有一个淘气的兔子，他喜欢恶作剧，这使得其他动物很生气。但是想抓住这是兔子可不容易。

一个，狼对狐狸说：“我想到一个办法可以抓住这只兔子，你回家睡在床上，我去告诉告诉兔子你死了。如果他来看你，你就跳起来抓住它。”

“好主意，”狐狸说，“我按你说的办。 “于是狐狸跑回家躺在床上。狼跑到兔子家说： “兔子先生死了的事你听说了吗？”狼站在门口说，然后就走开了。

“真的吗？我怎么没有听说呢。”兔子自言自语地说。于是他决定去看看是不是真的。她来到狐狸的房前并从窗口往里看，他看见狐狸躺在床上。于是，他打开门并走了进去。他看着狐狸说着；“狼先生说狐狸死了，但他不像一只死狐狸，因为死狐狸是张开嘴巴的。”

当狐狸听见这话，他想“我要让他知道我是死的。于是他张开了嘴巴。

兔子看见狐狸张开了嘴巴，他知道狐狸没有死，于是他飞快从房子里跑了出来。

Story 34

The Wolf and the Dog

There is a wolf.He is very hungry and has no strength to find food.As he lies under a large tree, a dog sees him.The dog sees the wolf is so thin and hungry, and he feels sorry for him and says, “You are so terrible! Are you hungry?”

“Yes,” says the wolf, “I‟m hungry because you are guarding the sheep.Now I am so weak that I can‟t find food.I think I will do.”

“Why not help me?” Asks the dog, “I work regularly and I eat regularly.You could do the same.You can help me guard the sleep.In that way, I will not worry about your stealing the sleep, and you will not worry about going hungry.It‟s good for us.

The wolf thinks it over and thinks the dog is right.So they walk to the dog‟s house.As they are walking, the wolf sees that only the hair of the dog‟s neck is very thin.He is curious about this.So he asks the dog about it. “Oh, don‟t worry about that,” says the dog, “It‟s the place where the collar ties on the neck.My master chains me up at night,”

“Chained up!” shouts the wolf, “Do you mean that you are chained up at night? If I come to live with you, will I be chained up at night, too?”

“That‟s night,” says the dog, “But, you‟ll get used to it.”

“But, if I am chained up, I won‟t be free.” After saying this, the wolf turns round and runs away.The dog shouts, “Wait! Come back! I‟m not free, but I‟m healthy.I have good food, and a warm place to sleep.I like enjoying life.In fact, I‟m freer than you are.”

故事34

狼和狗

有一只狼，他非常饿，而且饿得没有力气去找吃的了。当他躺在一棵大树下时，一只狗看见了他。看到狼又饿又瘦，狗挺可怜他的：“你看上去真可怕。你很饿啊？“

“是的。”狼说，“我饿是因为你和你的伙伴看守着羊群。现在我弱得没法去找食物。我想我就快要死了。”

“为什么不帮我呢？”狗说，“我们按时工作，准时吃饭。你也行的。你可以帮我看羊群。那样我就不用担心你会来偷羊，你也不用担心挨饿了。这对我们都有好处。”

狼考虑了一下，觉得狗说的对，他们就一起朝狗的屋子走去了。正走着，狼看见口脖子上的毛很少。他觉得好奇，就问狗怎么回事。

“啊，别担心，”狗说，“这是系狗项圈的地方，晚上主人会把我拴起来。”

“拴起来？”狼叫起来，“你是说晚上你会拴起来？如果我去和你住，晚上也会被拴起来？”

“没错，”狗说，“但是你会习惯的。”

“但是，如果被拴起来，我就不自由了。”说完，狼转身跑了。

狗大声喊道：“等等！回来！我是不自由，可是我很健康，我有好的食物，有个温暖的地方睡觉。你太喜欢享受生活了。我其实比你还自由些。”

Story 35

Little Red Riding Hood

Little Red Riding Hood is a lovely girl.She likes red hats.So her mother calls her little Red Riding Hood.

Her grandma loves her very much.But now she is ill.Her mother is busy.So she asks little Riding Hood to see her grandma. In the forest, a wolf sees little Red Riding Hood, “Look, little Riding Hood.I have children for lunch, the path goes to her grandma‟s house.”

The wolf comes to grandma‟s house and eats grandma.Then he wears grandma‟s glaes and clothes, and in her bed. After a while, little Red Riding Hood comes to grandma‟s bed.To her surprise, grandma‟s mouth is very big.So she asks: “Grandma, why is your mouth so big?” “I eat little girls with this mouth.” And he rushed at little Red Riding Hood.

“Help! Help!” The wolf runs after little Red Riding Hood.At this time, a hunter paes through the house.He shoots the wolf and saves little Red Riding Hood.Then he cuts the wolf and grandma comes out.

故事35

小红帽

小红帽是一个可爱的女孩。她喜欢红帽子，于是她妈妈就叫她小红帽。

她的祖母很爱小红帽，但现在她生病了。小红帽的妈妈非常忙，所有她让小红帽去看望祖母。在森林里，一只狼看见了小红帽。“瞧啊！小红帽。午餐有小孩子可以吃啦！这是一条去她祖母家的路。”

狼来到了祖母家并吃掉了祖母。然后他戴上祖母的眼镜，并穿上祖母的衣服并睡在祖母的床上。过了一段时间，小红帽来到了祖母的床前，使她吃惊的是祖母的嘴巴非常大。于是她问：“祖母，为什么你的嘴巴这么大？”“用它来吃小女孩。”狼说这就扑向小红帽。

“救命，救命！狼追着小红帽。正在此时，一个猎人路过这儿，他用枪打死了狼并救出小红帽；然后他剥开狼的兔子，救出祖母。”

Story 36

A Little Ant

Once there was a little ant.She wanted to get married, but she only wanted to marry the strongest creature. She wanted to marry the strongest creature, but she didn‟t know who the strongest creature is.She saw the wind blow houses down.So she thought the wind was the strongest creature.She wanted to marry the wind.

But the wind told the little ant that ht wasn‟t the strongest creature.There was a tower in the forest.He had stood there for a thousand years against his force.The tower was the strongest creature.

“Why do you want to marry me?” the wind asked.

“Because you are the strongest creature in the world.You are strongest than the wind.” said the ant.

“You are right.I‟m strongest than the wind.But I‟m not the strongest creature in the world.Look, how I‟m damaged! Can‟t you gue who has done this to me? It‟s you, ants.”

At last, the little ant married her own kind.Because they were the strongest creatures. 故事36

一只蚂蚁

从前，有一个小蚂蚁想结婚，但她只想嫁给世界上最强打者。

她想嫁给强大者，但她不知道谁才是最强大者。她看到风把房子吹倒了，于是她认为风是最强大的，她要嫁给风。

可风告诉小蚂蚁，他不是最强大者，林中有一座它塔。他顶住风力耸立了一千年，他才是最强大的。

“为什么你要嫁给我？”塔说。

“因为你是最强大的，你甚至比风还强大。”蚂蚁说。

“你说的对，我是比风强大。但我不是最强大的。瞧，我已被损坏成什么样子了。难道你猜不出来是谁把我损坏成这个样子的吗？是你们蚂蚁啊。”塔说。 最后，小蚂蚁嫁给了她的同类，因为他们才是最强大者。

爱乐奇，游世界，学英语，专为5-12岁儿童设计的英语学习网站，

欢迎访问：http://www.daodoc.com/alo777 Story 37

Poor George

George is a little monkey.He lives in a deep forest.He likes jumping and climbing trees.He is happy every day.But he has a shortcoming.He is curious. One day an old man goes by the forest.He carries a lot of straw hats.George sees the man, and the man sees George, too.The man says to himself, “What a lovely monkey! I will catch him.I will take him home.”

The man sits down and thinks over.George sees and also sits down.The man has an idea.He puts a hat on his head, and puts other hats on the ground.Then he pretends to sleep. George is curious and looks at the hats.“I will be nice if I put a hat on my head.” George thinks.Then he climbs down from the tree, picks up a hat and puts it on.The hat is too big, and covers George‟s eyes.George can‟t see.And the man gets up at once, rushes out and catches him quickly.

Poor George!

故事37

可怜的乔治

乔治是一只小猴子。他住在大森林里。他喜欢在树上跳来跳去，爬上爬下。他整天都乐呵呵的。但是他有个毛病，就是太好奇。

一天，一个老人路过大森林，他带着许多草帽。乔治看见了这个老人，老人也看见他了。；老人自言自语道：“多可爱的猴子啊！我要捉住他，把他带回家去。”

老人坐下来。想着办法。乔治看见了，也坐下来。

不一会老人有个办法，他戴上一顶帽子，又把其他帽子放在地上，然后假装睡觉。

乔治很好奇，看看帽子，心想：“要是我戴上一顶，肯定好看。”于是爬下树，捡起一顶帽子戴在头上。可是帽子太大了，遮住了他的眼睛了。那个老人一下站起来，冲过去，迅速地捉住乔治。

可怜的乔治啊！

Story 38 The Ant and the Dove An ant is walking by the river.He looks at the river and says to himself, “How nice and cool this water looks! I must drink some of it.” But when he is drinking, he slips into the river. “Oh.Help!Help!” The ant cries,

A dove is sitting in the tree.She hears him and throws him a leaf, “Climb up that leaf,” she says “and you will float bank.”

The ant climbs uo onto the leaf, and the wind blows the leaf to the bank.And the ant is saved. “Thank you, Dove.You‟re so kind,” The ant says and runs home, “You have saved my life, and I wish I could do something for you, Goodbye!”

“Goodbye!” says the dove, “Be careful.Not to fall into the river again.”

After a few days, the dove is building her nest.And a man is raising his gun to shoot her.The ant sees this, and runs quickly to bite the man‟s leg.“Ouch! Ouch!” The man feels pained and drops his gun.The dove hears and flies away.So the man picks up his gun and leave.The dove comes to her nest.“Thank you, my little friend,” she says, “You have saved my life.”

The little ant is so glad, because he can help the dove.

故事38

蚂蚁和鸽子

一只蚂蚁在河边散步。他看见喝水自言自语道：“这河水看上去真清凉啊！我要去喝点。”可是他在喝水的时候，一不小心滑进河里了。

“啊！救命！救命！‟蚂蚁叫喊着。

一只鸽子正呆在树上，听见呼救声，就扔给他一片树叶。“快爬到树叶上去。她说：“你会漂到岸上的。”

“谢谢你，鸽子。你真善良。”蚂蚁一边说一边向家跑，“你就了我的命，我会奥达你的。再见！”

“再见！小心别掉进河里了。”鸽子说。

几天后，鸽子正在筑巢，一个人举着枪要打鸽子。蚂蚁看见了，迅速地跑过去，在那个人的腿上咬了一口。“啊呀！哎呀！”那个人疼得扔掉枪。鸽子听见了，连忙飞走了。那个人只好捡起枪，走了。

鸽子又飞回巢里。“谢谢你，我的小朋友。”鸽子说，“你就了我的命。” 小蚂蚁可高兴了，因为他也帮助了鸽子。

Story 39

The Fisherman and His Wife

Once, there was a fisherman.He had an ugly wife.They were poor.

One day, the fisherman caught a goldfish.But the goldfish could talk, “Please let me go! I‟ll reward you.”

“Ok, my God?” cried the fisherman, “Don‟t worry.I have no wish to eat a talking fish.” So he puts it into the water.

The fisherman went home and told his wife about it.She became very angry.“How foolish you are!” she said, “Look at the hut.Go back to the sea and tell the fish to give me a cottage.”

So the fisherman went down to the beach.“What‟s the matter?” asked the fish.

“My wife wants to cottage.” said the fisherman.“Don‟t worry, she will have it.” So the fisherman‟s wife had her cottage.

But after a few days, she became tired of it.“Tell the fish to give me a palace.” she said.Then the fisherman went back to the beach again.And the fisherman‟s wife had her palace. But she soon got tried of it, too.“Ask the fish to be my servant, and I want to be a queen.”

This time, the fish got angry.It said nothing and swam away. The fisherman waited and waited, but the goldfish didn‟t come back.When he went home, he found his wife back in their old hut.

故事39

渔夫和他的妻子

从前，有一位渔夫，他又一个很丑的妻子。他们家里很穷。

一天，渔夫捕到一条金鱼。但这条金鱼会说话：“请放我走吧！我会报答你的.” “啊，我的天啊！” 渔夫吃惊地叫道，“别担心，我不会吃一条会说话的鱼的。”于是他把金鱼放进了水里。

渔夫回家并把这件事告诉了他的妻子。妻子非常愤怒。

“你多愚蠢啊！”她说：“看看这个破草屋，到海边去，向金鱼要一间小木屋。” 于是渔夫来到海边。 “怎么啦？”金鱼问。

“我的妻子想要一件小木屋。”渔夫说。 “别担心，她会有的。”

渔夫的妻子得到了一间小木屋。

但过了几天，她对此感到厌倦了：“告诉金鱼，让它给我一座宫殿。”渔夫又返回海边。他的妻子得到了一座宫殿。

但她很快又对此感到厌倦：“去叫金鱼做我的仆人，我想当女王。” 这次，金鱼变得愤怒了，它一句话也没说就游走了。

渔夫等呀等，但金鱼没有回来。当他回家时，他看见他妻子又回到就茅屋。

Story 40

It‟s Unfair

Linda was a good girl, but she was often late for school. One day, she was late again.When she came in, Mr.Clark, her teacher said angrily, “I‟ll tell you father if you are late again.” Linda didn‟t want him to do that.Because her father was very strict with her.

The next morning, Linda got up early.She hurried to school.At the school gate, she heard the first bell, “What shall I do?” she asked herself, “I‟ll turn it in first.” She decided.And so she did.

When she hurried into her claroom, Mr.Clack was already beginning his cla. “Linda! Didn‟t I tell you to be here on time?” Mr.Clack said as he as her.“I‟m sorry, sir,” Linda tried to explain, “I‟m late because I had to…?”

“I don‟t listen to any excuse,” Mr.Clack stopped her.“If you can‟t get here on time, I have to tell your father.”

“But Mr.Clack.It‟s …it‟s unfair!”

“Unfair! How dare you say that?” Mr.Clack said angrily, “I‟ll report you to the headmaster.“I was only trying to do a good idea,” Linda thought,“and now…” She couldn‟t keep back her tears.When the bell rang for the break, the door opened and Mr.White, the headmaster came in.he was holding a wallet in his hand, “Excuse me, Mr.Clack.Is this your wallet?”

“Oh,yes.It‟s my wallet.Who found it? I must thank him.”

“Linda found it and turned it in before school started.” Mr.Whitesaid.

Mr.Clack face slowly turned red.He looked at Linda and said, “I‟m very sorry.Linda.I take back what I said.”

“And I‟m sorry.Mr.Clack.I‟ll try not to be late again.” Linda said.

故事40 这是不公平

琳达是一个好女孩，但她经常迟到。

一天，琳达又迟到了。当她进来的时，她的老师克拉克先生生气说：“如果你在迟到， 我就通知你爸爸。”琳达不想他那么做，因为她爸爸对她要求很严格。

二天，琳达起床很早。她匆匆向学校走去，在学校大门口，她停下来了。因为地上有一个钱夹。当她站在那儿是，她听见了第一遍铃声，“我该怎么办呢？”她自言自语，“我要先把它交上去。”她下定决定，于是她就是这么做了。

当她匆匆走进教室的时候，克拉克先生已经开始讲课了。 “琳达，我没有告诉你早点来吗？”克拉克先生一看到琳达就说， “对不起，先生。”琳达想解释，“我迟到是因为我不得不……”

“我不想听任何借口，“克拉克阻止道, “如果你不能准时到这儿，我不得不告诉你父亲。”

“但是，克拉克先生，这是…..这是不公平的！”

“不公平！你怎么敢那么说！”克拉克先生愤怒的说，“我要把你的事情汇报给校长！”

“我只想做一件好事，”琳达心想，“但是现在……”她的眼泪阻止不住流下来。 当下课铃声响起是，教室的门开了，校长怀特先生走了进来。他的手里拿着一个钱夹：“打扰一下，克拉克先生，这是你的钱夹吗？” “哦，是我的。是谁找到的？我一定的谢谢她。” “琳达发现的，并在上课前把它交来了。”怀特先生说。

克拉克先生的脸渐渐红了，他看了看琳达，惭愧地说：“对不起，琳达，我收回我说过的话。”

“我也不对，克拉克先生，我下次尽量不再迟到了。”琳达说。

爱乐奇，游世界，学英语，专为5-12岁儿童设计的英语学习网站，

欢迎访问：http://www.daodoc.com/alo777

推荐第6篇：英语阅读幽默故事

如何做高考英语幽默故事类阅读题

【题型说明】幽 默故事类阅读文章是高考常选材料之一。这类文章是对社会生活、人的外貌及性格特征、言行举止等某些可笑的特征进行喜剧性描述的特殊文体。其特点是对事情本 身的描述符合人们的一般思维习惯，而文章的最后则出其不意的点出其违背常理或不合逻辑的地方。该类文章语言流畅、有趣，命题往往从故事的有关细节、文章的 幽默之所在着手，以便考查同学们的思维能力和判断能力。对于这类文章，同学们也有文章好读，但题目不好做的感觉。

【题型特点】从 形式上看，幽默故事都比较简短，它所描述的往往是一个片断的情景，一些有关前因后果的说明常常被省去（命题者往往会对这些被省去的情节命题，要求考生根据 故事的发展和结局进行推测）。从内容上看，幽默故事往往来自于日常生活，使人感到这故事好像想得到，但随着故事的发展、矛盾的展开，尤其是意外结尾的到 来，这时读者才会感到幽默之所在。另外值得一说的是：幽默故事还往往包含一些含蓄、风趣的小对话，这些对话被称为幽默故事的灵魂，所以同学们在阅读时还要 注意分清在这些对话中，哪些是作铺垫的，哪些是照应前面的，而哪些才是体现“幽默”的。当你读完一篇幽默故事之后，你若还看不出其幽默之所在，我们建议你 再去仔细体会一下文章中的对话，而尤其是最后的几句对话，再联系你的生活常识，幽默往往在此。至于命题，幽默故事的命题往往是推理性的，所以同学们做这类 题时，一定要根据故事情节的展开、发展、结局（尤其要注意其幽默点）进行合理的推断，选出最佳答案。

【答题方法】在解答这类短文的理解题时，我们要注意以下几个方面：

1．重末尾。由 于中西方人思维方式的差异，加之同学们生活经验和阅历等方面的欠缺，往往不能品味出幽默故事类文章之幽默所在。这就要求同学们在阅读时，要仔细揣摩事情发 生的背景、作者的意图，特别是要重点把握文章最后几句画龙点睛的话，分析它们与上下文的对应关系，看透作品所开的善意玩笑，即幽默点，才能真正深层理解文 章幽默之所在，只有这样才能做出正确选择。

2．重细节。这类文章的命题除了推理判断题外，还有事实细节题和主旨大意题。要做好事实细节题，必须重视文中细节。做好事实细节题不仅有利于加深对文章的理解，把握文章幽默之所在，而且还有利于解答主旨大意题和推理判断题。所以，对于这类文章中出现的直接引语句子要引起高度重视。

3．重复读。对于这类文章中的主旨大意题，即幽默之所在，不能做出正确概括的话，同学们一定要再读。再读时，速度可以适当快一点，可采取略读、跳读的方式阅读，只从文中抓住有用信息。这样有助于对文章的深层理解。

4．重积累。在平时的阅读训练中，多注意阅读有关文化意识(如英语国家文化背景知识、文化修养、跨文化交际等)、国际视野和民族意识等方面的材料，减少因中西方文化差异而带来的不便。

【实例分析】阅读下面的文章，然后做后面的阅读理解题：

Frank Smithson woke up and leaned over to turn off the alarm clock.\"Oh no!\" he thought to himself.“Another day at that office; a bo who shouts at me all the time.”

As Frank went downstairs his eyes fell on a large brown envelope by the door.He was overjoyed when he opened it and read the letter inside.“Bigwoods Football Pools would like to congratulate you.You have won half a million pounds.”

Frank suddenly came to life.The cigarette(香烟) fell from his lips as he let out a shout that could be heard halfway down the street.

At 11:30 Frank arrived at work.“Please explain why you’re so late,” his bo said.“Go and jump in the lake,” replied Frank.”I’ve just come into a little money so this is goodbye.Find yourself someone else to shout at.”

That evening Frank was smoking a very expensive Havana cigar(雪茄) when a knock was heard on the door.He rushed to the door.Outside were two men, neatly dreed in gray suits.“Mr Smithson,” one of them said, \"we’re from Bigwoods Pools.I’m afraid there’s been a terrible mistake ...”

1.What do we know about Frank?

A.He was a lazy man.

B.He didn’t make a lot of money.

C.He was a lucky person.

D.He didn’t get on well with his bo.

2.When he heard the knock at the door.Frank probably thought _____.

A.someone had come to make an apology

B.someone had come to give him the money

C.his friends had come to ask about the football pools

D.his friends had come to congratulate him on his luck

3.On hearing “...there’s been a terrible mistake ...” Frank was most likely to be ______.

A.disappointedB.worriedC.nervousD.curious

【答案解析】这是一篇幽默故事。讲的 Smithson 是正与他的老板有些不愉快的时候，他意外地收到了足球赌博公司的一封来信，信上说他将得到该公司的一笔巨款，当天他便潇洒地向老板辞了工（即炒了老板的鱿鱼），但是后来足球赌博公司来人说他们出了点差错（即是说那笔钱不是他的），此时 Smithson 的心情可想而知。幽默故事是几年高考阅读理解的常考题材，所以同学们对此类题材的特点应有所了解。

1.选 D。请注意其中两句对话的言外之意：一是 Another day at that office; a bo who shouts at me all the time.从 Smithson 的这句自言自语的话中 我们可以体会到：他与老板的关系不好。二是当他到老板那儿去辞工时说的一句话。老板说：Please explain why you’re so

late.此时 Smithson 的回答是 I’ve just come into a little money so this is goodbye.Find yourself someone else to shout at.语感好的学生可能已体会到了 Smithson 这句话的 得意和尖刻（请注意此句 a little money 与前文中 half a million pounds 在意义上的反差）。

2.选 B。假若你是 Smithson，这天早上你收到一封信说你得到了一笔巨款， 当天你就去辞了那份令人讨厌的工作，这天晚上你在家里正抽着 a very expensive Havana cigar——也许还在做着美梦吧?! 这时门外有人敲门，你认为会是谁来了呢？(from )

3.选 A。门外来人正是足球赌博公司的，但他们不是来送钱的，而是来道歉的，并说 I’m afraid there’s been a terrible mistake...此话的言外之意已经很清楚（即是说：那笔钱不是给他的，是他们搞错了„„）。当然此时 Smithson的心情只能是 disappointed 了。

推荐第7篇：英语幽默小故事

英语幽默小故事

The Bear and the Two Travelers

TWO man were traveling together, when a Bear suddenly met them on their path.

One of them climbed up quickly into a tree and concealed himself in the branches.The other, seeing that he must be attacked, fell flat on the ground, and when the Bear came up and felt him with his snout, and smelt him all over, he held his breath, and feigned the appearance of death as much as he could.

The Bear soon left him, for it is said he will not touch a dead body.When he was quite gone, the other Traveler descended from the tree, and jocularly inquired of his friend what it was the Bear had whispered in his ear.\"He gave me this advice,\" his companion replied.\"Never travel with a friend who deserts you at the approach of danger.\"

An ant went to the bank of a river to quench its thirst, and being carried away by the rush of the stream, was on the point of drowning.

A Dove sitting on a tree overhanging the water plucked a leaf and let it fall into the stream close to her.The Ant climbed onto it and floated in safety to the bank.Shortly afterwards a bird catcher came and stood under the tree, and laid his lime-twigs for the Dove, which sat in the branches.The Ant, perceiving his design, stung him in the foot.In pain the bird catcher threw down the twigs, and the noise made the Dove take wing.

One good turn deserves another

Love Your Life

热爱生活

Henry David Thoreau/享利.大卫.梭罗

However mean your life is,meet it and live it ;do not shun it and call it hard names.

It is not so bad as you are.It looks poorest when you are richest.The fault-finder will find faults in paradise.Love your life,poor as it is.

You may perhaps have some pleasant,thrilling,glorious hour,even in a poor-house.

The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the alms-house as brightly as

from the rich man’s abode;the snow melts before its door as early in the spring.I do not see but a quiet mind may live as contentedly there,and have as cheering thoughts,as in a palace.

The town’s poor seem to me often to live the most in dependent lives of any.May be they are simply great enough to receive without misgiving.

Most think that they are above being supported by the town;

but it of ten happens that they are not above supporting themselves by dishonest means.

which should be more disreputable.Cultivate poverty like a garden herb,like sage.

Do not trouble yourself much to get new things,whether clothes or friends,Turn the old,return to them.

Things do not change;we change.Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts.

不论你的生活如何卑贱，你要面对它生活，不要躲避它，更别用恶言咒骂它。它不像你那样坏。你最富有的时候，倒是看似最穷。爱找缺点的人就是到天堂里也能找到缺点。你要爱你的生活，尽管它贫穷。甚至在一个济贫院里，你也还有愉快、高兴、光荣的时候。夕阳反射在济贫院的窗上，像身在富户人家窗上一样光亮；在那门前，积雪同在早春融化。

我只看到，一个从容的人，在哪里也像在皇宫中一样，生活得心满意足而富有愉快的思想。城镇中的穷人，我看，倒往往是过着最独立不羁的生活。也许因为他们很伟大，所以受之无愧。大多数人以为他们是超然的，不靠城镇来支援他们；可是事实上他们是往往利用了不正当的手段来对付生活，他们是毫不超脱的，毋宁是不体面的。视贫穷如园中之花而像圣人一样耕植它吧！不要找新的花样，无论是新的朋友或新的衣服，来麻烦你自己。找旧的，回到那里去。万物不变，是我们在变。你的衣服可以卖掉，但要保留你的思想。

Ladies and Gentlemen, Good morning! I’m very glad to stand here and give you a short speech.

Man’s life is a proce of growing up, actually I’m standing here is a growth.If a person’s life must constituted by various choices, then I grow up along with these choices.Once I hope I can study in a college in future, however that’s paed, as you know I come here, now I wonder what the future holds for me.When I come to this school, I told to myself: this my near future, all starts here.Following I will learn to become a man, a integrated man, who has a fine body, can take on important task, has independent thought, an open mind, intensive thought, has the ability to judge right and wrong, has a perfect job.

Once my teacher said :” you are not sewing, you are stylist; never forget which you should lay out to people is your thought, not craft.” I will put my personality with my interest and ability into my study, during these proce I will combine learning with doing.If I can achieve this “future”, I think that I really grow up.And I deeply believe kindred, good-fellowship and love will perfection and happy in the future.

How to say future? Maybe it’s a nice wish.Lets make up our minds, stick to it

and surely well enjoy our life.

中文大意：）~

女士们，先生们，上午好。我很高兴在这里为大家作一个简短的讲话。

人的一生是一个成长的过程，事实上，我现在站在这里也是一次成长。如果一个人的一生必须面临不同的选择，那么我就是伴随着这些选择成长起来的。曾经我盼望将来能上大学，然而那已经过去了，现在我在这儿，只想知道我的未来会是什么样的。

当我来到这所学校，我告诉我自己：我不久的将来都从这里开始。接着我要学习如何做人，如何做一个正直的人，并且拥有一个健康的体魄，能承担重要的任务，能独立思考，思想开放，心思缜密，有判断是非的能力，有一份不错的工作。

我的老师曾经告诉我说：“你不是在修补而是在创造；永远不要忘记你向人们所展示的是你的思想，而不是你的手艺。”我会将我的性格，兴趣爱好和能力一起融入到学习中去。在这过程中，我边学习边实践。如果我能实现这个“未来”，我就认为我真的成长了。并且我深信我的亲人，好朋友以及爱会使我的未来更完美，更幸福。

如何来解释未来呢? 也许那只是一个美好的愿望。让我们下定决心，坚持到底，那我们的人生一定能过得很精彩。

世界节日（1）Spring Festival（春节）

作者：节日转贴自：本站原创点击数：578文章录入： 湖北华审

The New Moon on the first day of the new year-- the full moon 15 days later

Chinese New Year starts with the New Moon（新月）on the first day of the new year and ends on the full moon（满月）15 days later.The 15th day of the new year is called the Lantern Festival（元宵节）, which is celebrated at night with lantern displays and children carrying lanterns in a parade.

The Chinese calendar is based on a combination of lunar and solar movements.The lunar cycle（月运周期）is about 29.5 days.In order to \"catch up\" with the solar calendar the Chinese insert an extra month once every few years (seven years out of a 19-yearcycle).This is the same as adding an extra day on leap year （闰年）.This is why, according to the solar calendar, the Chinese New Year falls on a different date each year.

New Year\'s Eve and New Year\'s Day are celebrated as a family affair, a time of reunion and thanksgiving.The celebration was traditionally highlighted with a religious ceremony given in honor of Heaven and Earth（万物）, the gods of the household and the family ancestors.

The sacrifice to the ancestors, the most vital of all the rituals（仪式）, united the living members with those who had paed away.Departed relatives are remembered with great respect because they were responsible for laying the foundations for the fortune and glory of the family.

The presence of the ancestors is acknowledged on New Year\'s Eve with a dinner arranged for them at the family banquet table.The spirits of the ancestors,

together with the living, celebrate the onset of the New Year as one great community.The communal feast called \"surrounding the stove\" or weilu.It symbolizes family unity and honors the past and present generations.The Origin of Chinese New Year

The Chinese New Year is now popularly known as the Spring Festival because it starts from the Begining of Spring (the first of the twenty-four terms in coodination with the changes of Nature).Its origin is too old to be traced.Several explanations are hanging around.All agree, however, that the word Nian, which in modern Chinese solely means \"year\", was originally the name of a monster beast that started to prey on people the night before the beginning of a new year.

One legend goes that the beast Nian had a very big mouth that would swallow a great many people with one bite.People were very scared.One day, an old man came to their rescue, offering to subdue Nian.To Nian he said, \"I hear say that you are very capable, but can you swallow the other beasts of prey on earth instead of people who are by no means of your worthy opponents?\" So, it did swallow many of the beasts of prey on earth that also harraed people and their domestic animals from time to time.

After that, the old man disappeared riding the beast Nian.He turned out to be an immortal god.Now that Nian is gone and other beasts of prey are also scared into forests, people begin to enjoy their peaceful life.Before the old man left, he had told people to put up red paper decorations on their windows and doors at each year\'s end to scare away Nian in case it sneaked back again, because red is the color the beast feared the most.

From then on, the tradition of observing the conquest of Nian is carried on from generation to generation.The term \"Guo Nian\", which may mean \"Survive the Nian\" becomes today \"Celebrate the (New) Year\" as the word \"guo\" in Chinese having both the meaning of \"pa-over\" and \"observe\".The custom of putting up red paper and firing fire-crackers to scare away Nian should it have a chance to run loose is still around.However, people today have long forgotten why they are doing all this, except that they feel the color and the sound add to the excitement of the celebration.

Traditional New Year Foods

Probably more food is consumed during the New Year celebrations than any other time of the year.Vast amounts of traditional food is prepared for family and friends, as well as those close to us who have died.

On New Year\'s Day, the Chinese family will eat a vegetarian dish called jai.Although the various ingredients in jai are root vegetables or fibrous vegetables, many people attribute various superstitious aspects to them.

Other foods include a whole fish, to represent togetherne and abundance, and a chicken for prosperity.The chicken must be presented with a head, tail and feet to symbolize completene.Noodles should be uncut, as they represent long life.

In south China, the favorite and most typical dishes were nian gao, sweet

steamed glutinous rice（糯米）pudding and zong zi (glutinous rice wrapped up in reed（芦苇）leaves), another popular delicacy.

In the north, steamed-wheat bread (man tou) and small meat dumplings were the preferred food.The tremendous amount of food prepared at this time was meant to symbolize abundance and wealth for the household.

The 15-Day Celebration of Chinese New Year

The first day of the Lunar New Year is \"the welcoming of the gods of the heavens and earth.\"Many people abstain from meat on the first day of the new year because it is believed that this will ensure long and happy lives for them.

On the second day, the Chinese pray to their ancestors as well as to all the gods.They are extra kind to dogs and feed them well as it is believed that the second day is the birthday of all dogs.

The third and fourth days are for the sons-in-laws to pay respect to their parents-in-law.

The fifth day is called Po Woo.On that day people stay home to welcome the God of Wealth.No one visits families and friends on the fifth day because it will bring both parties bad luck.

On the sixth to the 10th day, the Chinese visit their relatives and friends freely.They also visit the temples to pray for good fortune and health.

The seventh day of the New Year is the day for farmers to display their produce.These farmers make a drink from seven types of vegetables to celebrate the occasion.The seventh day is also considered the birthday of human beings.Noodles are eaten to promote longevity and raw fish for succe.

On the eighth day the Fujian people have another family reunion dinner, and at midnight they pray to Tian Gong, the God of Heaven.

The ninth day is to make offerings to the Jade Emperor.

The 10th through the 12th are days that friends and relatives should be invited for dinner.After so much rich food, on the 13th day you should have simple rice congee and mustard greens (choi sum) to cleanse the system.

The 14th day should be for preparations to celebrate the Lantern Festival which is to be held on the 15th night.

Auspicious words:

Treasures fill the homeBusine flourishesPeace all year roundWishing you prosperity

Harmony brings wealth May all your wishes come trueEverything goes wellThe country flourishes and people live in peace

Money and treasures will be plentifulWishing you every succePromoting to a higher positionSafe trip wherever you go

推荐第8篇：英语经典幽默故事

My First and My Last When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it.He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks.

George had a friend.His name was Mark.One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane.Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go."

They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air. When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane." Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?" "Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark. 第一次与最后一次

乔治35岁时买了架小型飞机，并开始学习驾驶。不久，他就能很娴熟地驾机做各种各样的特技飞行了。

乔治有个朋友名叫马克。一天，乔治主动邀请马克乘他的飞机上天兜一圈。马克心想，“我乘大客机飞行过好几次，还从来没有乘过小飞机，我不妨试一试。”

升空后，乔治飞了有半个小时，在空中做了各种各样的飞行特技。

后来他们着陆了。马克很高兴能够安全返回地面。他用颤抖的声音对他的朋友说：“乔治，非常感谢你让我乘小飞机做了两次飞行。”

乔治非常吃惊地问：“两次飞行？”

“是的，我的第一次和最后一次。”马克答道。 First Flight Mr.Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr.Johnson was very worried about accepting.Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr.Johnson boarded the plane.

His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport.Mr.Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.

After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there.They look as small as ants, don't they?" "Those are ants," answered his friend."We're still on the ground." 第一次坐飞机

约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机，他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时，约翰逊先生非常担心，不敢接受。不过，由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的，约翰逊先生终于被说服了，登上了飞机。

他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落，所以他吓得紧闭双眼。

过了一两分钟，他睁开双眼朝窗外望去，接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人，他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小，是不是？”

“那些就是蚂蚁，”他的朋友答道，“我们还在地面上。” A Nail Or A Fly? An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand.On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail.So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor.When a waitre discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favour.

So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.

Now the old man entered his room.The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident.When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength.On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitre rushed in.To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding! 钉子还是苍蝇？

一位视力正在衰退的老绅士住进了一家旅馆的客房。他双手各拿一瓶酒。在墙上有只苍蝇，他误以为是枚钉子。他把两只瓶子朝上一挂，瓶子掉下来摔碎了，酒洒了一地。一个女服务员发现发生的事情以后，对他深表同情，决定帮他个忙。

于是，第二天早上他到楼顶花园散步时，她把一枚钉子钉在了苍蝇停过的地方。

这里，老人回到了房里。倒洒的酒味让他想起了那件事。他抬头往墙上一看，苍蝇又停在了那儿!他轻手轻脚地走近，使尽全力拍了一掌。听到一声大叫，好心的女服务员冲进房来。让她大为吃惊的是，可怜的老头正坐在地板上，牙关紧咬，右手滴血不止。 I'll See to the Rest A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage. "Come on, mi!" he shouted."Shut the door, please!"

"Oh, I just want to ki my sister goodbye," she called back.

"You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest." 其余的事由我负责

一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动，这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边，跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。

“快点，小姐!”他喊道：“请把门关上。”

“噢，我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。”她回答道。

“请把门关上好了，”列车员说：“其余的事由我负责。” Chaude and Cold A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded."This is an outrage," he complained."The faucet marked C gave me boiling water."

"But, Monsieur, C stands for chaudeand a pair of glaes.Today that man is seated in United States Senate." 三个外科医生

三个有名的外科医生正在吹嘘他们的技术。“一个人断了一只手，他来找我，”一个说，“如今那个人是个音乐会的小提琴手。”

“这算不了什么，”另一个说。“一个家伙两条腿断了，他来找我，我将它们接了回去。如今，那人是马拉松选手。”

“我比你们两个都强，”第三个说，“一天，我碰到一起可怕的车祸。除了一个马屁股，和一幅眼睛，什么都没有留下。如今，那人坐在美国参议院里。” One Side of the Case A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand. "I can't hear out of my left ear," the man told the judge.

"Can you hear out of your right ear?" the judge asked.The man nodded his head.

"You'll be allowed to serve on the jury," the judge declared."We only listen to one side of the case at a time." 一面之辞

一位法官问我们这群修补陪审员是否有人应当免权。一个人举起了手。

“我的左耳听不见。”那人告诉法官。

“你的右边耳朵听得见吗？”法官问道。那人点了点头。

“你将被允许加入陪审团，”法官宣布。“我们每次只听一面之辞。” A Smugglar The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry.When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams. "What's in here?" he asked. "Dirt," the driver replied.

"Take them out," the guard instructed."I want to check them."

Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt.Reluctantly, the guard let him go.

A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck. "What's in the bags this time?" he asked. "Dirt, more dirt." said the man.

Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil. The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender.Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink.Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, "Listen, pal, drinks are on the house tonight if you'll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time."

Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "Cars." 走私犯

一个形迹可疑的人开车来到边境，哨兵迎了上去。哨兵在检查汽车行李箱时，惊奇地发现了六个接缝处鼓得紧绷绷的大口袋。

“里面装的是什么？”他问道。

“土。”司机回答。

“把袋子拿出来”，哨兵命令道：“我要检查。”

那人顺从地把口袋搬了出来。确实，口袋里除了土以外，别无他特。哨兵很不情愿地让他通过了。

一周后，那人又来了，哨兵再次检查汽车上的行李箱。

“这次袋子里装的是什么？”他问道。

“土，又运了一些土。”那人回答。

哨兵不相信，对那些袋子又进行了检查，结果发现，除了土以外，仍旧一无所获。

同样的事情每周重演一次，一共持续了六个月。最后，哨兵被弄得灰心丧气，干脆辞职去当了酒吧侍者。有天夜里，那个形迹可疑的人碰巧途经酒吧，下车喝酒。那位从前的哨兵急忙迎上前去对他说，“我说，老兄，你要是能帮我一个忙，今晚的酒就归我请客。你能不能告诉我，那段时间你到底在走私什么东西？”

那人俯身过来，凑近侍者的耳朵，裂开嘴笑嘻嘻地说：“汽车。” Early Shopper It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner."What are you charged with?" he asked.

"Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.

"That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened," countered the prisoner. 采购过早

那天是圣诞节，法官在审讯犯人时也有点恻隐之心。“你为什么而被起诉？”他问。

“采购圣诞节物品过早。”被告答。

“这不算犯法，”法官回答，“你购物多早？”

在商店开门之前，“犯人应道。 Wings The fried-chicken restaurant where I was working had a big rush just before closing one day, leaving us with nothing to sell but wings.As I was about to lock the doors, aa quietly intoxicated customer came in and ordered dinner.When I asked if wings would be all right, he leaned over the counter and replied, "Lady, I came in here to eat, not fly." 翅 膀 一天，我工作的炸鸡店在关门前出现了一阵抢购狂潮，结果除了鸡翅外所有的东西都卖完了。当我正准备锁门时，一名喝醉了的旅客进来要进餐。我问他翅膀行不行，他从柜台上靠过身子来，回答道：“女士，我到这儿来是吃东西的，不是要飞！” Keep the Change Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a prospective customer.He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents.Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents each.

I pointed out that the book was in good condition.Nash was a fun poet, and it was for a good cause.He said it was a matter of principle.Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents.Triumphant, he paid with a $10 bill."Keep the change," he said.零钱不用找了

在教堂的义卖市上卖旧书时，我与一名准备买东西的顾客发生了一场争论。他对购买袖珍奥金.纳什集颇感兴趣，但是说它要三十五美分开价过高。其它的平装书每本才卖十或十五美分。

我指出这本书保存状况颇好，纳什是个有趣的诗人，这个要价是合理的。他说这是个原则问题。最终，我同意以十五美分的价格将这本书卖给他。他得意洋洋，拿出一张十美元的票子付帐。“零钱不用找了。”他说。 Three Whistles I promised my girlfriend a gold necklace for her birthday, but when the jeweler quoted a price for one we liked, I let out a long, low whistle."And how much are they then?" I asked, pointing to another tray.

"You, sir," replied the jeweler, "about three whistles." 三声口哨

我答应过我的女朋友过生日进送她一条金项链。可是当珠宝商报出我们看中的那条项链的价格时，我低低地打了个长口哨。“那这条项链多少钱呢？”我指着另一个盘子里的项链问。

“先生，对你来说，”珠宝商答道，“大约值三声口哨。” Too Polite A woman who frequented a small antique shop rarely purchase anything, but always found fault with the merchandise and prices.The manager and her salesclerk took the woman's grumpy complaints in stride, but one day she went too far."Why is it I never manage to get what I ask for in your shop?" demanded the woman.

A smile on her face, the clerk calmly replied, "Perhaps it's because we're too polite." 太有礼貌

一名妇女经常光顾一家小古董店，但几乎从不买什么东西，却总是对商品和价格吹毛求疵。对于那妇女的粗暴抱怨，经理和她的销售员总是应付了事，但是有一天她做得太过分了。“为什么你们店里总是不能得到我想要的东西？”那名妇女指责说。

职员脸上带着微笑，沉着地回答道：“也许是因为我们太有礼貌了。” Good Points and Bad Points "This house," said the real-estate salesman, "has both its good points and bad points.To show you I'm honest, I'm goint to tell you about the disadvantage往南面一个街区是一家化工厂，往北面一个街区是一家屠宰场。”

“那么它的长处呢？”预备购买房子的人问道。

“它的好处，”代理商说道，“就是，你总能分清风是从哪边吹过来的。” Camera On our way to a wedding in Vermont, my husband and I realized we had forgotten our camera.We stopped at a general store and, hoping to purchase a cheap, disposable model.Sal asked the owner, "Do you have any of those throwaway cameras?"

"Look, fella," replied the owner, "I don't care what you do with it after you buy it." 照相机

在前往威蒙特参加一个婚礼的路上，我和丈夫意识到我们忘了带照相机。我们在一家百货商店门前停了下来，希望能够买到一种便宜的，一次性照相机。萨尔问店主：“你们有那种用了就扔的照相机吗？”

“我说，小伙子，”店主回答说，“我可不管你买了之后怎么处理它。” Midway Tactics Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall.Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.

The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!" The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"

The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE". 中间战术

三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条林荫道上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。

右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”

左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”

中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。

Large Uniforms During our first three days at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, we were herded from place to place for haircuts, shots and uniforms.Back in our barracks, the drill instructor told us to put on our uniforms and fall out in front of the building.Some of the uniforms, however, were extremely large.As we filed outside, the sergeant stood by the door with his aistant."We have to take some of these people back for refitting," he said."That last man took two steps before his uniform moved." 大制服

在圣安东尼奥的莱克兰空军基地的头三天，我们被从一个地方赶到另一个地方去理发、照相、领制服。回到营房之后，训练指导员让我们穿上制服，在营房前原地解散。但是，我些制服特别大。我们列队的时候，中士和他的副手就站在门边。“我们得将一些人弄回去重新量一下，”他说，“最后那个人走了两步，他的制服才动。” Quick Reaction My battery commander and I were interviewing candidates for a position as reconnaiance sergeant in our artillery unit.The selected soldier needed to have keen eyesight, plus the ability to react quickly.During one interview, the commander pointed to a hill about a mile away and asked a young sergeant, "Can you see that hill over there?" "Yes, sir." he replied.

"Can you see the radio antenna on that hill?" Again, the soldier said that he could."Well, then," the commander went on, "Can you see that bird sitting on the antenna?"

The sergeant leaned forward and squinted."No, sir," he said, "but I can hear it is singing." He got the job. 快速反应

我和连长在面试我们炮兵部队侦察中士一职的候选人。被选的士兵要求有敏锐的观察力及快速的反应力。在一次面试时，连长指着一英里外的一座小山问一名年轻的中士：“你能看见那座山吗？”

“是的，长官。”他回答道。

“你能看见那座山上的无线电天线吗？”那士兵又说他能。“那么，”连长接着说：“你能看见停在天线上的那只鸟吗？”

那名中士身体前倾，眼睛眯成一条缝。“看不见，长官，”他说，“但我听见它在唱歌。”

他得到了那份工作。

Visual Training The squad were having "visual training".One smart recruit was asked by the officer to count how many men composed a digging party in a distant field.The party was so far away that the men appeared as mere dots, but unhesitatingly the recruit replied: "Sexteen men and a sergeant, sir."

"Right; but how do you know there's a sergeant there?" "He's not doing any digging, sir." 视力训练

班里正在进行“视力训练”。一个聪明伶俐的新兵被班长叫出来数远处旷野上采掘队的人数。采掘队在很远的地方，那些人看起来只是一些小点儿。但是这个新兵毫不犹豫的回答：

“十六个士兵和一个中士，长官。”

“正确。可你如何知道那儿有一个中士？”

“他不干活，长官。” Speed Limit The British RAF base where I was stationed as part of a contingent of USAF personnel had one narrow road winding through the crowded residential area.After a rash of minor vehicle pedestrian accidents, the USAF commander decided to reduce the speed limit to three m.p.h. Shortly after the new limit was posted, an MP sergeant iued a speeding citation to a jeep driver for going five m.p.h.I was curious to know how the MP had determined the jeep's speed so exactly."I was jogging to get to the PX before it closed," he explained, "and as I paed the jeep, I noticed that the speedometer read five m.p.h." 速度限制

我作为美国空军人员分遣部队的一员驻扎在英国皇家空军某某地，那里有一条狭窄的马路蜿蜒穿过拥挤的居民区。因为多次出现汽车撞伤行人一类不甚严重的车祸，美国空军司令员决定将车速限制在每小时三英里。

新的车速限制公布后不久，一名骑警中士因一名吉普车司机开车时速达五英里而给他开了一张超速传票。

我很想知道骑警是怎样如此精确地知道那辆吉普车的速度的。“我遛达着要在邮局关门之前到达那里，”他解释道：“当我超过吉普车时，我注意到计速器指向了每小时五英里。” West Point My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College.Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly preed uniforms.Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."

One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture.They explained, "We want to show our son what he mied by not coming to West Point." 西点军校

父亲、哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波士顿大学之间的橄榄球赛。开始之前，我们到处转了转，碰到许多穿着整齐制服的学员。几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出军姿来让他们摄。“好认我们的儿子知道，如果他到西点军校来学习会得到什么。”

一对中年夫妇走近一名非常漂亮的女学员，问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。他们解释说：“我们想让儿子知道他没来西点军校错过了什么。” I Didn't Know That I Was So Far Back Already!

A big battle was going on during the First World War.Guns were firing, and shells and bullets were flying about everywhere.After an hour of this, one of the soldier decided that the fighting was getting too dangerous for him, so he left the front line and began to go away from the battle.After he had walked for an hour, he saw an officer coming towards him.The officer stopped him and said, "Where are you going?"

"I'm trying to get as far away as poible from the battle that's going on behind us, sir." the soldier answered.

"Do you know who I am?" the officer said to him angerly."I'm your commanding officer." The soldier was very surprised when he heard this and said, "My God, I didn't know that I was so far back already!"

真没想到我已经往回跑了这么远! 第一次世界大战期间，一场大战役正在进行。枪炮轰鸣，子弹横飞。这样持续了一小时后，有个士兵认为战斗太危险了，所以他离开前线，开始逃离战场。走了一个小时后，他看见一个军官朝他走过来。军官拦住他，问道：“你到哪儿去？”

“长官，我正尽力躲开身后正在进行的战斗。”士兵回答说。

“你知道我是谁吗？”军官生气地说：“我是你们的指挥官。”

士兵听了十分惊讶地说：“天哪，真没想到我已经往回跑了这么远!” None Other Than a Soldier As a newly commiinaed infantry lieutenant, I was eager to set an example for my platoon by cleaning my own M-16 rifle.While we were working on the weapons, one soldier complained about the unusual notched shape of the M-16's bolt and chamber, which makes it difficult to clean.

"Lieutenant, they need to make something to clean this with," the soldier said. "They do," piped up a sergeant.

"Really," I said with surprise, wondering why we had not ordered such a tool. "Yes, sir," replied the sergeant."It's called a soldier." 正是士兵

作为一名新上任的步兵中尉，我通过擦拭自己的M-16式自动步枪给全排作个榜样。我们一块擦枪，一名战士抱怨由于M-16的枪栓枪膛的特别凹形结构，擦起来十分困难。

“中尉，应该制造一种擦这枪的工具。”士兵说。

“已经制造出来了。”一军士尖叫。

“真的？”我十分诧异，纳闷为什么我们没有定购这种工具。

“真的，长官，”军士答道，“它就是士兵。” Best Reward A naval officer fell overboard.He was rescued by a deck hand.The officer asked how he could reward him.

"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it.If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me in." 最好的奖赏

一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何都能酬谢他。

“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。” Skunk "We have a skunk in the basement," shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher."How can we get it out?"

"Take some bread crumbs," said the dispatcher, "and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard.Then leave the cellar door open."

Sometime later the resident called back."Did you get rid of it?" asked the dispatcher. "No," replied the caller."Now I have two skunks in there!" 臭 鼬

“我们的地下室里有一只臭鼬，”打电话的人对警察调度员尖叫道。“我们怎样才能把它弄出来？”

“弄一些面包屑，”调度员说，“从地下室往外铺一条小道直到后院。然后将地下室的门打开。”

一段时间后，那位居民又将电话打了回来。“你们将它弄出来了吗？”调度员问。

“没有，”打电话的人答道，“现在那儿有两只臭鼬了。” A Mistake An Amercian, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident.They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St.Peterexplained that there had been a mistake."Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."

"Done!" said the American.Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene. "Where are the others?" asked a medic.

"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was huggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay." 搞错了

一位美国人，一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。他们到达天堂的门口。在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。“每人给我五百美元，”他说，“我将把你们送回人间，就象什么都没有发生过一样。”

“成交!”美国人说。立刻，他发现自己毫不损伤地站在现场附近。

“其他人在哪儿？”一名医生问道。

“我离开之前，”那名美国人说，“我看见英格兰人正在砍价，而那名加拿大人正在分辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱。” Good News And Bad News "There's good news and bad news," the divorce lawyer told his client. "I could sure use some good news," sighed the client."What's it?"

"Your wife isn't demanding that your future inheritances be included in the settlement." "And the bad news?"

"After the divorce, she's marrying your father." 好消息和坏消息

“有好消息，也有坏消息，”离婚律师告诉他的当事人。

“我总能利用一些好消息吧，”当事人吧了口气说，“是什么好消息？”

“你妻子没有要求将你未来的继承财产也划入裁决的范围。”

“那么坏消息呢？”

“离婚以后，她将与你父亲结婚。” Perfect Match A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase.Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman.

Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color.The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous.

Years later, he retires and truns the busine over to his son."Dad," says the son, "there's something I've got to know.How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly?" "Son," the father replies, "I painted the vase." 绝 配

一位富婆为拥有一只珍贵的古玩而深感骄傲，以至于她竟要把卧室漆成与花瓶同样的颜色。几名油漆匠试图调出这个底色，但是谁也没有能令那位怪癖的妇女满意。

最后来了位油漆匠。他非常自信能调出那种颜色。那妇女对他的成果非常满意，油漆匠于是一举成名。

多年以后，他退休了，生意也交给儿子。“爸，”儿子说，“有件事我得弄清楚，您是怎样使墙的颜色与花瓶配得那么绝的？”

“儿子，”父亲回答说，“我漆了花瓶。” Patience Angler: You've been watching me for three hours now.Why don't you try yourself? Onlooker: I haven't got the patience.耐 性

垂钓者：你已经盯着看了三个小时了，你干嘛不自己亲自钓呢？

旁观者：我没那耐性。 The World's Greatest Swordsman At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage.A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half.The crowd cheered.Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters.A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.

His blade came down in a mighty arcbut he will never be a father." 世界上最伟大的击剑手

在一场世界最佳击剑手表演中，排名第三的击剑手上场了。一只苍蝇放了出来，剑划了一个弧，他将苍蝇劈成了两半。观众欢呼起来。紧接着排名第二的人将一只苍蝇切成了四半。现场一阵沉默，人们期盼着世界上最伟大的击剑手出场。

他的剑锋以一个巨大的弧线划了下来－－然而那只昆虫还在继续飞行!观众被惊呆了。最伟大的击剑手完全错过了他的目标，然而他还在微笑着。

“你为什么这么高兴？”有人嚷道，“你没击中!”

“啊，”剑手答道，“你刚才没有很仔细地看。苍蝇还活着，是的－－但他永远也做不成爸爸了。” Only Once A novice lion tamer was being interviewed."I understand your father was also a lion tamer," the reporter queried.

"Yes, he was," the man replied.

"Do you actually put your head in the lion's mouth?"

"I did it only once," said the new tamer, "to look for Dad." 只有一次

一位驯狮新手正在接受采访。“我知道你的父亲也是个驯狮手，”记者说。

“他过去是。”那人回答说。

“你真的把头伸进过狮子的嘴里吗？”

“只有一次，”那位驯狮新手说，“为了找我爸爸。” Starstruck I have been starstruck since I was a little girl, so I was delighted and practically speechle not long ago when I spotted the actor Ernest Borgnine walking in my direction on New York's Fifth Avenue."Why, you're Ernest Borgnine!" I managed to blurt out. "Yes," he said, nodding politely, "I know." 追星族

从小时候起，我就一直被明星所深深吸引，因此不久以前当我在纽约第五大街上认出演员厄内斯特.波格尼向我迎面走过来时，我欣喜若狂，完全不知该说什么好。“怎么，你是厄内斯特.波格尼!”我想法迸出一句话来。

“是的，”他很有礼貌地点了点头，说道：“我知道。” Keep the Change One sweltering day, I was scooping ice cream into cones and told my four children they could "buy" a cone from me for a hug.Almost immediately, the kids lined up to make their purchases.The three youngest each gave me a quick hug, grabbed their cones and raced back outside.But when my teen-age son at the end of the line finally got his turn to "buy" his ice cream, he gave me two hugs."Keep the changes," he said with a smile.不用找了

有一天天气闷热，我将冰淇淋舀进锥筒，告诉我的四个小孩，他们可以从我这里用拥抱“购买”一筒。于是，孩子们马上排起了队来购买。较小的三个孩子每人很快的抱了我一下，抓过冰淇淋筒就跑到外面去了。最后轮到排在队尾十年的大儿子来“买”冰淇淋时，他拥抱了我二下。“不用找了，”他笑着说。 Persistance Returning from a golf outing, my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter."Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?"

"Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win," my husband hedged."We just play to have fun." Undaunted, Sare said, "Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?" 缠住不放

丈夫打完高尔夫球回来，我们四岁的女儿莎拉在门口迎了上去。“爸爸，谁赢了高尔夫球比赛，是你还是理查叔叔？”

“我和理查叔叔打高尔夫球不是为赢，”丈夫推诿说。“我们打球只是为了好玩而已。”

莎拉毫不气馁，又问：“那么，爸爸，谁觉得更好玩呢？” Treat As a rookie in the Atlantic City, N.J., Police department, I was aigned a beat on the boardwalk.Hardly a day went by when I didn't come upon a child who had become separated from his parents.One afternoon, I spotted a small boy standing alone, obviously lost.I tried to gain his confidence$45."

"Why don't you order that, Mom?" I asked."I know how much you like lobster."

She looked at me with the eyes of a skeptic and shook her head."How do they know they're really twins?" 孪生龙虾

我当演员取得成功后，想在妈妈面前炫耀一番。于是，我带着她到拉斯维加斯的凯撒宫去吃饭。在菜谱中有道菜是“孪生龙虾--45美元。”

“你为什么不点那个呢，妈？”我问道：“我知道你很喜欢吃龙虾了。”

她满眼狐疑地看着我，然后摇了摇头。“他们怎么知道它们确实是孪生的呢？” A Fine Match One day a lady saw a mouse running acro her kitchen floor.She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops.There she bought a mousetrap.The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."

The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it.She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.

Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite succeful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese! 势均力敌

有一天某位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的厨房地板上窜过。她很害怕老鼠，所以她冲出屋子，搭上了公共汽车直奔商店。在那儿，她买了一只老鼠夹。店主告诉她：“放点奶酪在里面，很快你就会逮住那只老鼠的。”

这位女士带着鼠夹回到家里，但她没有在碗橱里找到奶酪。她不想再回到商店里去，因为已经很晚了。于是，她就从一份杂志中剪下一幅奶酪的图片放进了夹子。

令人称奇的是，这画有奶酪的图片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，这位女士下楼到厨房时，发现鼠夹里奶酪图片旁有一张画有老鼠的图片! The Same Service A man who had been married for ten years was consulting a marriage counselor.

"When I was first married, I was very happy.I'd come home from a hard day down at the shop, and my little dog would race around barking, and my wife would bring me my slippers.Now everything's changed.When I come home, my dog brings me my slippers, and my wife barks at me."

"I don't know what you're complaining about," said the counselor, "You're still getting the same service." 同样的服务

有位结婚十年的男人，正向婚姻顾问请教。

“新婚时我非常幸福。在市区的商店里累了一天，回到家里，小狗围着我又跑又叫，妻子忙给我拿来拖鞋。现在一切都变了。小狗给我叼来拖鞋，妻子对我又喊又叫。”

“我不知道你有什么可抱怨的，”顾问说，“你得到的服务还是同样的嘛。” Cla and A Profeor Laurie of Glasgow put his notice on his door: "Profeor Laurie will not meet his claes today."

A student, after reading the notice, rubbed out the "c".

Later Profeor Laurie came along, and entering into the spirit of the joke, rubbed out the "l". 班和笨驴

格拉斯哥的劳里教授在门上贴了这样一个通知：“劳里教授今天不见他的班级。”

一个学生读了通知后，擦掉了字母“c”(la：姑娘)。

后来劳里教授来了，也想开开玩笑，他擦掉了字母“l”(a：笨驴)。

Plagiarism A friend of mine who teachs European history at Washington University in St.Louis tell about the time he spotted a plagiarized term paper.He summoned the student to his office."This isn't your work." he said."Someone typed it for you straight out of the encyclopedia. "You cann't prove that!" the student sputtered.

My friend amiled and show him the paper.Circled in red was: "Also see article on communism." 抄 袭

我有个朋友在圣路易斯的华盛顿大学教欧洲历史，他说有一次他发现了一篇抄袭的学期论文。他把那个学生叫到了办公室。“这不是你写的，”他说，“有人帮你从百科全书上原封不动地打印了下来。”

“你没有证据。”那学生气急败坏地说。

我朋友笑了，他把论文拿给他看。用红笔圈出来的是：“也可参阅共产主义一文。” Virtue Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member.One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency.I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.

When the door finally opened, I felt a compaionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me."You'll get that degree, dear," she whispered."Perseverance is a virtue." 美 德

获取研究生学位多年以后，我回到位于宾翰顿的纽约州立大学当教员。一天，电梯里很拥挤，有人抱怨电梯效率太低。我说自我在那里当学生起，20年来电梯一直没有换过。

最后当电梯门打开时，我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下，回过头来我看到一位年长的修女正在朝我微笑。“你会拿到学位的，亲爱的，”她低声说道：“坚持不懈是一种美德。” Difference "I can always tell a graduate cla from an undergraduate cla," observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles."When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond, 'Good afternoon." But the graduate students just write it down." 区 别

“研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来，”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。“我说„下午好‟，本科生们回答说„下午好‟。研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上。” Flunking Math My son, who made the dean's list in his freshman year at Ball State University in Muncie, Ind., called home a few weeks after starting his sophomore year as a psychology student. "Mom," he said excitely, "I have found the answer to surviving college! It isn't the grades that are so important, but the quality of what is learned and how it is applied to daily life.I'm lucky to be having these wonderful experiences!" "And just what does this mean?" I asked. "I'm flunking math," he replied. 数学没及格

我儿子是印第安那市曼西尔波州立大学的学生，大学一年级就上了系主任的名单。第二年他学心理学，刚几个星期他就给家里打了个电话。

“妈妈，”他激动地说：“我找到了如何在大学里生存下去的答案!重要的不是分数，而是具备将学到的知识应用于日常生活的素质。我很幸运地有了这种奇妙的经历。”

“你到底是什么意思？”我问道。

“我数学没及格。”他回答说。

Part-time Job When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket.He came home all smiles. "How was your first day?" I asked.

"It was great, Dad," he replied."I got to talk to some good-looking girls." Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?" "Do you prefer paper or plastic?" 业余工作

我儿子在一所中学读二年级时，在一家超级市场找到了一份包装商品的业余工作。他满面笑容地回到了家。

“第一天感觉如何？”我问。

“好极了，爸爸。”他答道，“我跟许多漂亮的女孩子讲了话。”

由于斯蒂芬不善言谈，我问道：“你跟他们说了些什么？”

“你是喜欢纸包装还是塑料包装？” Keys? Ki? A friend of mine was giving an English leon to a cla of adult who had recently come to live in the United States.After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the cla to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on.The cla went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the kays." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a lo.Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated."Give me the kays." The Italian shrugged his shoulders.Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kied him on both cheeks.钥匙还是接吻

我的一位朋友在给一个成人学生班级上英语课。他们都是新近来美国生活的。在一张桌子上摆了许多日常用品之后，他请全班同学给他挑出尺子，书本，钢笔等。课进行得井然有序，学生们对自己所做的似乎很感兴趣，也很认真。后来轮到一名来自意大利的学生，我的朋友说：“给我钥匙。”那人看起来非常吃惊，也有点手足无措。看到这种情况，我的朋友想是他没有听清楚，于是又重复了一遍：“给我钥匙。”那位意大利学生耸了耸肩。接着，他伸出胳膊搂住老师的脖子在双颊上亲了两下。 Prepare Yourself A story around campus has it taht a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: "Mom - flunked all courses.Kicked out of school.Prepare Pop."

Two days later he received a response: "Pop prepared.Prepare yourself." 自己做好准备

校园里流传着这样的故事：一个学生一次给父母拍了一份电报，上面写着：“妈妈－我所有功课都不及格，被学校开除。让爸爸做好准备。”

两天以后，他收到了回电：“爸爸已准备好。你自己做好准备吧!” 妻子要是报纸就好了

Wife talking to her husband，who reads newspaper all day: I

wish I were a newspaper so I'll be in your hands all day.

Husband: I wish that too, so I could change you daily

妻子和丈夫谈话，他一天到晚总是看报纸，妻子抱怨说：我要是报纸就好了，那样我就可以天天在你手里了。

丈夫说我也希望那样，那样我就可以每天换一个了。

幽默笑话

一则英语笑话测试你的英语水平

I have heard one sad story of a hitchhiker who went into a

shop and saw the sign "Lift" but found it too heavy, then saw

the sign "Pet Supplies" so he did, this wasn't too bad but

then he went outside and saw the sign "Compact Cars" and went

to prison for ten years.

A：一个搭车者，走进一家商店，看见Lift(千斤顶)的标签，看见Pet

Supplies(宠物用品)的标签，看见Compact Cars(小轿车)的标签，最后却被关进监狱，判刑十年。

B：我曾听说过一个倒霉的故事，有一个搭车者，走进一家商店，看见Lift标签，想抢一个千斤顶，但千斤顶太重，所以没抢；看见Pet

Supplies标签，抢了一些宠物用品，不过宠物用品并不值几个钱，所以罪行并不严重；但当他走出商店时，看见Compact

Cars标签，他又抢了一辆小轿车，所以最后他被警察逮住，坐牢十年。

C:这段话其实是一个笑话，其中的Lift、Pet和Compact，并不是名词或形容词，而是动词，意思分别是：举起、抚摸和压扁，因此这段话的真正意思是：我曾听说过一个倒霉的故事，有一个搭车者，走进一家商店，看见一个标签上写着“举起来”，可是那个东西太重了；看见一个标签上写着“拍拍商品”，于是就拍了拍，这也没什么；但当他走出商店时，又看见一个标签，上面写着“砸汽车”，结果被判坐牢十年

推荐第9篇：英语幽默小故事

英语幽默小故事

Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word \"egg\"? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg\"? Student:In the cake,Sir.鸡蛋在哪里？

老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？ 学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。 老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？ 学生：在蛋糕里，先生 Son: Dad, give me a dime.

Father: Son, don\'t you think you\'re getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I gue you\'re right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you? 儿子：爸爸，给我一角钱。

父亲：儿子，你不认为你已经长大了，不该再老是一角一角地要钱了(该自立了)，不是吗？

儿子：爸爸，我想你是对的，那给我一块钱行吗？

I\'m sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy\'s tooth .”

“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。” “20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”

Ten Candies

Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”

“Ten.” Jim says.

“Then,” Mother asks.

“Yes, Mum.Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach.Four and six is ten, isn’t it right?”

十块糖

妈妈问儿子：“吉姆，如果你有10块糖，吃了4块，那你还有几块糖？”

“10块。”吉姆说。

“10块？”妈妈问。

“是的，妈妈。因为4块在我的肚子里面，6块在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不对吗？”

It’s Good to Admit a Fault John is not a “good” student.He always sleeps in the cla.Today he sleeps again.

“John!” Teacher says angrily.

“What? What’s wrong?” John is awaken.

“Why do you make a face? It’s claroom.Look! Everyone is laughing.” Teacher says. “No one is laughing.” Teacher says.

“No, it’s not me.I was not making a face.I was sleeping.” John fells upset.

“Um.Not bad.You can admit your fault.You are still a good boy.” Teacher is satisfied with it.认错

约翰并不是个“好”学生。他总是在上课的时候睡觉。今天他又睡着了。

“约翰！”老师生气地喊他。

“什么？出什么事了？”约翰醒了。

“你为什么要做鬼脸？这是教室！看看！同学们都在笑！”老师生气地说。 “没有人在笑呀。”其他同学笑声地嘀咕。

“不，不是我。我没有做鬼脸。刚才我睡着了。”约翰感到不安。

“嗯，还不错。你承认自己的错误，还是给好孩子”老师为此感到满意。

Adding Feet to a Snake

One day, Mr.Lion holds a party.Many animals come and drink a lot of wine.At last there is a pot of wine.Who can drink it? They drink out an idea and decide to have a match-Draw a snake.If you finish first, you can get it.

Soon Mr.Wolf finishes drawing.“Yeah, I’ve finished.I’m No.1,” he says.But he draws again and says, “Oh, let me add feet and my snake.” At the time, Mr.Gorilla also finishes.He takes away the pot of wine and drinks, then he says, “That isn’t a snake.Snakes have no feet.I get the wine.”

画蛇添足

一天，狮子先生举行一场聚会，许多动物都来了，他们喝很多酒。最后只剩一壶酒了。让谁喝呢？它们想了想，有个主意。它们比赛画蛇，谁最快画好，谁就喝这壶酒。

不一会，狼先生画好了。“哈，我画好了，我是第一个。”它说。可是它又画了起来，它还说：“再给它加几只脚吧。”这是猩猩先生也画好了。它拿起那酒壶喝起来。一边喝一边说：“那不是蛇，蛇是没有脚的，我赢了这壶酒。”

Covering One’s Ears While Stealing a Bell

Mr.Wang thinks he is clever, but he always does foolish things. One day he sees a beautiful bell at the top of a door.“Oh! How nice! I will take it home.” He thinks, “What can I do?” After a while he has a “good” idea.“Aha! I have an idea now.I can plug my ears.Then I will not hear the ring when I take off the bell.”

Then he does so.But as soon as he takes off the bell, the owner opens the door.“What ate you doing?” the owner says angrily.

掩耳盗铃

王先生总以为自己很聪明，实际上他总干傻事。

一天，他看见一户人家的门头有个很漂亮的铃铛。“啊，真漂亮啊！我要把它拿回家去。”他自言自语道：“我该怎么做呢？”过了一会儿他想到了一个“好”主意。“啊哈！我有办法了！我把耳朵堵上，拿铃铛的时候就听不见铃声了。”

于是他就这样做了。可是他刚拿下铃铛，屋子的主人就打开门，怒气冲冲地说：“你在干什么？”

Look at the Sky from the Bottom of a Well

There is a frog.He lives in a well and he never goes out of the well.He thinks the sky is as big as the mouth of the well.One day a crow comes to the well.He sees the frog and says, “Frog, let’s have a talk.” Then the frog asks, “Where are you from?” “I fly from the sky,” the crow says.The frog feels surprised and says, “The sky is only as big as the mouth of the well.How do you fly from the sky?”

The crow says, “The sky is very big.You always stay in the well, so you don’t know the world is big.”

The frog says, “I don’t believe.” But the crow says, “You can come out and have a look by yourself.”

So the frog comes out from the well.He is very surprised.How big the world is!

坐井观天

有一只青蛙住在井底，他从来没有去过井外面。他以为天空就和井口一样大。 一天， 一只乌鸦飞到井边，看见青蛙，就对它说：“青蛙，咱们聊聊吧。”青蛙就问他：“你从哪里来？”“我从天上上来。青蛙惊讶了，就说：“天空就只有这井口这么大，你怎么会从天上飞老呢？”

乌鸦说：“天空很大。只不过你一直呆在井里，所有不知道世界很大。”青蛙说：“我不相信。”乌鸦说：“你可以出来，自己看看嘛。” 于是青蛙来到井外。他十分惊讶，原来世界这么大！

The Clever King Solomon

Long, long ago, there was a king.Solomon was his name.He was very clever.

In his country, there were two women.They lived in the same house and each had a child.

One night, one of the babies died.The dead baby’s mother took the other woman’s baby, and put it in her own bed.

The next morning , they had a quarrel.

“No, this is my baby!” The dead is yours!”

Each one wanted the living baby.So they went to see King Solomon.“Bring me a knife, cut the child into two and five each woman one half.” said the King.“Oh.Your Majesty! Give her my baby.Please don’t kill my baby!”

Then King Solomon pointed to the woman in teas and said, “Give the baby to her.She is the mother.”

聪明的国王所罗门

很久很久之前，有一位国王，他的名字叫所罗门，他非常聪明。

在他的国家里，有两位妇女，她们住在同一间房子里。各有一个婴儿。

一天夜里，其中一个婴儿死了。他的妈妈抱另一位妇女的小孩，把他放在自己的床上。

第二天早上，他们发生了争吵。

“不，这是我的孩子！这个死的是你的！”

他们都想要这个活着的孩子，于是她们去见所罗门国王。

“给我拿把刀来，把这个孩子切成两半，没人一半。”国王判决道。

“哦，陛下，把我的孩子给她吧。请不要杀了我的孩子！”一位母亲哭喊道。 于是所罗门指着流泪的妇女说：“把孩子给她，她是真正的母亲。”

Two Holes for the Dogs

My uncle has two dogs.One is big and the other is small.He likes them very much.

One day, Mr.Smith came to visit him.When the friend saw two holes in the door, a large hole and a small hole, he was surprised and said, “My dear friend, why are there two holes in your door?” “Let my dogs come in and come out, of course,” Mr.Smith asked.“But why are there two holes? One is enough!” “But how can the big dog go through the small hole?” my uncle said.

Sometimes a clever man may make such mistakes.

两个狗洞

我的叔叔有两条狗。一只是大的，另一只是小狗的。他很喜欢它们。

有一天，史密斯先生来看他。当这个朋友看见门口上有连个洞，一个是大洞和一个小洞时，他感到吃惊并说，“我亲爱的朋友，为什么你的门上有连个洞？”我的叔叔回答说：“当然是让我的两条狗进出了。 ” 史密斯先生问到：“ 为什么门上要两个洞呢？一个就足够了。” 我叔叔说：“大狗怎能走小洞呢？” 有时聪明的人可能会犯这样的错误。

推荐第10篇：英语经典幽默故事

英语经典幽默故事

故事一

Best Reward

A naval officer fell overboard.He was rescued by a deck hand.The officer asked how he could reward him.“The best way, sir, ”said the deck hand, “is to say nothing about it.If the other fellows knew I’d pulled you out, they’d chuck me in.”

最好的奖赏

一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何能酬谢他。“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”

故事二

I Taught the Teacher

Mother asked her little boy,”Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?” “Nothing, Mum.” Answered the son proudly, “instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.”

我教老师

母亲问她年幼的儿子：“宝贝，今天老师教了你些什么？”儿子骄傲地说：“什么都没教，妈妈。她反倒问我一加二等于几，我告诉她等于三。”

故事三

How Did You Ever Get Here

One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late.“It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two.”

The bo eyed him suspiciously.”Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?”

“I finally gave up,” he said, “and started for home.”

你是怎么来的？

一个冬天的早晨，一名雇员解释他为什么迟到了四十五分钟才来上班。“外面太滑了，我每向前迈一步，就要向后退两步。”

老板狐疑地看着他。“噢，是吗？那你是怎么到这儿来的？”

“后来我决定放弃，”他说，“然后我就往家里走。”

索创在线英语http:///

第11篇：英语幽默小故事

A: We have got a new dog.Would you like to come around and play with him? B: Well, I don\'t know---does he bite?

A: That\'s what I want to find out.

The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled（被宠坏的） .His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him.He hardly left her side.And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum（乱发脾气） .Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother\'s loving arms.

When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.

Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along(相处) all right? did you cry? Cry? John asked.No, I didn\'t cry, but the teacher did!

六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。

约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？ 哭？约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, \"What happened?\" \"A kid bit me,\" replied Ivan.

\"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?\" asked his mother.

\"I\'d know him any where,\" said Ivan.\"I have his ear in my pocket.\"

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”

“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

come homego homeget home

当 home 前面 有所有格形式 时是名词可用 come to比如 come to one„s home

另外这三个都表示“回家”。方向是一回事，我想最重要的是说话者的方位。

如\"When will you come home?\"说明说者在家，或是他的家人；而“When will you go home?\" 一般情况下，说者不在家中。

至于get home， 强调的是已经到家，get有确定到达的意思。

第12篇：英语幽默小故事1篇

英语幽默小故事1篇(翻译)

A Fine Match

One day a lady saw a mouse running acro her kitchen floor.She was very afraid of mice, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shop.There she bought a mousetrap.The shopkeeper said to her, \"Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse.\" The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it.She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap. Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite succeful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese! 势均力敌

一天一位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的厨房地板上窜过。她很害怕老鼠，所以她随即冲出屋子，搭上了公共汽车直奔商店。在那儿，她买了一只老鼠夹。店主告诉她：“放点奶酪在里面，很快你就会逮住那只老鼠的。”

这位女士带着鼠夹回到家里，但她没有在碗橱里找到奶酪。她不想再回到商店里去，因为已经很晚了。于是，她就从一份杂志中剪下一幅奶酪的图片放进了夹子。

出人意料的是，这画有奶酪的图片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，当这位女士下楼到厨房时，她发现鼠夹里奶酪图片旁有一张画有老鼠的图片!

第13篇：幽默故事

鸡的悲哀

一户人家养了四只鸡，三公一母。一天，家里来客人，主人决定杀一只鸡来招待。主人带客人来到养鸡的院子，问客人想吃哪只。客人想了想说：“吃公鸡，母鸡留着下蛋。”主人有让客人从三只公鸡中选一只。客人说：“选不爱打鸣的，爱打鸣的留着报晓。”

于是，主人便选了一只拙嘴笨腮的公鸡杀了。剩下的三只鸡虚惊一场，不由得暗自庆幸。

又一天，这家人宴请邻居。主人问邻居吃哪只。没想到，不等邻居回答，两只公鸡便像比赛一样，使劲打鸣，啼叫起来。这时，邻居皱着眉头说：“就吃叫得最凶的那只。每天天不亮，它就扯着嗓子乱叫，吵得人睡不好。”邻居的一句话便断送了那个杰出的“男高音歌唱家”的命。

剩下的那只公鸡虽然逃过一劫，却忧心忡忡，感到无所适从，怎么办？不打鸣挨杀，打鸣也挨杀，到底该咋样才能保住性命呢？不想母鸡却幸灾乐祸，在一旁说起了风凉话：“有本事你也下蛋呀！”对呀！下蛋就可以保住性命，可是哪只公鸡能下蛋呀！

这一天，这家的女主人生了个小孩，要杀只鸡喝鸡汤。一会儿，男主人来到鸡圈，哪只公鸡知道在劫难逃，不由发出一阵哀鸣，那只母鸡却在悠闲自得的觅食，还不时地唱起了小调：“咕咕咕”

这时，女主人的母亲从屋里走出来，喊道：“杀那只母鸡，坐月子吃母鸡有营养，奶水足”

家 超级冷笑

电举办讲笑话大赛，规定谁的笑话不能让全场观众都哈哈大笑，就要被送到废品加工厂。收音机常听滑稽频道，对讲笑话很有自信。它一讲完全场哈哈大笑，突然听到电饭锅说：“好冷哦。”所以收音机被抓到废品加工厂去了。

电视机常看《笑林大会》，讲笑话不在话下。它一讲完，全场笑翻，突然又听见电饭锅说：“好冷哦。”所以电视机被抓到废品加工厂去了。电脑每时每刻都在刷新微博，网罗天下幽默段子，它觉得自己赢定了。它一讲完，果然全场笑到肚子痛，但电饭锅又说：“好冷哦。”正当电脑也要被抓到废品加工厂去时，电饭锅终于忍无可忍地站起来，转过头对坐在它后面的冰箱说：“我受够了，你笑就笑，嘴巴不要张那么大，好冷哦！”

不准和他玩

孙

这么复杂。” 子正在声情并茂的朗诵：“多情应笑我，早生华发。人生如梦，一尊还酹江月。”奶奶听着别扭，抱怨道：“什么情啊、梦啊的，小小年纪，思想就

孙子说：“这是苏东坡的词。”

奶奶“哼”了一声，说：“管他什么东坡西坡的，把词还给他!”孙子哭笑不得：“奶奶，你„„”

奶奶打断道：“什么你不你的，以后不准和这样的人玩！”

打赌

这

一天，亲，千手观音心血来潮，她对维纳斯说：“咱们来打赌吧！”维纳斯说：“好！输了怎么办？”千手观音说：“输了就被对方打耳光，好吗？”

辞职报告别乱写

青 年汪进军从河南来沪打工，经老乡介绍到一家犬业公司做保

安。还没上班，这家狗公司老板就提出要他缴3000元押金，说如果有正当理由不干了，这笔押金就会还给他。还有600元培训费，就不退了。汪进军咬牙答应了。

可这几年公司运营不济，老板一直拖欠工资，汪进军实在熬不住了，就想辞职。

汪进军不傻，知道有些事要走法律程序。他知道同乡小万自学考了律师资格证书，于是向小万咨询情况。

小万说：“最好让老板炒你鱿鱼，这样你可以得到公司相应的补偿金。”

汪进军已经铁了心要走，说：“我也不想要补偿了，只要老板退还我3000元押金，支付拖欠的工资就好了。”

小万眼睛一亮，说：“如果老板欠着工资，你可以主动辞职，而且可以随时辞职，今晚就不用去上夜班了，连提前一个月的招呼都不用打。”

汪进军是个老实人，总想着“和平解决”问题。于是他按小万的指点，写了简单的辞职报告，大意是：我在某月某日辞职，恳请批准。老板很快批准了汪进军的辞职申请。汪进军去财务结账，公司七扣八扣，原本被拖欠的工资共计8000多元，只剩6000元了。汪进军心里恨，但还是妥协了。没想到公司以资金困难为名，要给他打白条。汪进军想起小万说过，千万别让公司打白条，因为欠条一打性质就变了。汪进军弄不懂咋就变了性质，但他相信小万，坚持你不给我现金，我就不签字。

公司这一拖就没了时间，小万决定免费为王进军打官司。

这桩劳务官司并不复杂，老板欠的押金，汪进军有原证据在手，公司也同意还；工资表上汪进军没签字，说明他没领钱。所以小万提出，公司不但要支付拖欠款，而且还得支付25%赔偿金。

更让人想不到的是：小万又提出公司要支付汪进军6个月工资的补偿金。汪进军不解，问：“老板补我拖欠工资的25%，我觉得合理，就算是利息吧，但是他怎么会补我半年工资呢？”

小万解释说：“《劳动法》明文规定：因用人单位的原因，而造成员工辞职的要给补偿金，每满半年以上就必须补一个月工资，你在公司做了近七年，补偿6个月的工资，已经是少算了。”

公司也早有准备，在法庭上，公司拒付半年工资的补偿金，理由是汪进军是打了辞职报告主动辞职的，依照有关条例，公司无需支付补偿金。

在实践中，小万已经见过了多起农民工败诉的案例，因此他也有

了防范，汪进军的辞职报告，并未写明辞职理由。于是公司无故拖欠工资违约在先，依法汪进军可以随时辞职，用人单位就得支付补偿金。双方为此在法庭上唇枪舌剑，最终法官支持汪进军要求得到半年补偿金的诉求。公司不服，上诉到中级法院，中级法院维持原判。小万之所以能为汪进军赢来补偿金，除了公司违约在先，关键还有那封高明的辞职报告。辞职报告上如果写明是员工自己的原因，那就是主动辞职，那么相关的补偿金依法也就很难要到。

所以，如何写好看似简单的辞职报告也是大有讲究的。

第14篇：幽默故事

集体买篮球

开学了，我们宿舍决定集体买个篮球。大家商量，先到自己家附近的商店、超市打听一下价格，货比三家，权衡之后再买。昨天，我和小尧来到她家附近的体育用品店，见有人正推销篮球，就上前询问。“150元，太贵了！”我俩摇摇头。推销员见状忙说：“你要是集体买，我就可以优惠。”小尧喜出望外：“我们当然是集体买了！”“买几个啊？”推销员喜极，抓起单子就要开。小尧推了推黑框眼镜，认真地说：“我们6个人集体买一个！”

将计就计

客人叫侍者将一束花送给住在10号房间的小姐，侍者说：“哎呀！我的先生，算来今天你已经是第三位送花给这位小姐的男士了。” 客人：“什么！你说什么，还有谁送花给她？” 侍者：“对不起，他们从来不讲姓名，他们个个都说她会知道是谁送的。”客人说：“好极了，拿着我的名片去，并且告诉他，以前的两束花，也是我送的！”

迷你裙

一天，一位穿超短迷你裙的摩登小姐走进一洗衣店，该店年轻的老板直盯着她看。这时，小姐非常得意地对年轻老板挥挥手，说：“年轻人，干你的活去吧！”而年轻老板则一脸严肃地说：“说实话，小姐，我是关心本店的声誉。你这条裙子该不是在我们店洗缩水的吧。”

警车的灯

杰克六岁的时候，他爸爸开车带他去一个亲戚家作客，由于赶时间，他爸车开得很快，远远超过了最高限速。“杰克，”爸爸叫，“回头看看有没有警车跟着咱们！”“有的，爸爸。” 爸爸一听，心中一紧，于是对小李说：“那看看那警车上的警灯是开着的还是关着的。” 杰克又回过头来，看着车后面，说：“开的，关的，开的，关的，开的，关的，开的，关的„„”

好心不得好报

儿子眼睛下边青了一块，妈妈很担心。听儿子说学校里有一个不讲理的同学打的，就对儿子说：“你要和他交朋友，把这块蛋糕拿去，送给他，和他握握手，表示一下友好。＂

第二天，儿子回来后，他的另一只眼 下边青了一块。母亲关切地问：“这又怎么了？＂儿子 说：“那家伙还想要蛋糕。”

点两头

福特又一次被妻子赶出了家门，只得来到朋友家中。

福特说：“我妻子对我抽烟很不满意，我也多次决定戒烟，可总不见成效。”福特一边嘀咕着，一边又掏出一支烟抽了起来，接着，他又诚恳地问：“朋友，怎样才能戒掉烟呢？”

朋友听后，说道：“我妻子有个很简单的方法，当我拿出烟想抽的时候，她就把香烟的两头部点上火，结果我就戒成了”，你不妨试试看。”

更生气

富翁葛朗出外旅行，晚间睡觉时，老梦见自己的妻子与年轻男子偷情。

有一天，他终于往家里发了一份电报。女仆苏娜接到后，赶忙念给女主人听：“太太，老爷说：‘我得到一个消息，我离开后，夜夜有一个年轻男子进入宅第。为了查明真伪，我将立即回家’。”

葛朗的妻子听后，生怕风流事暴露，吓得手足无措。

突然，她脸上露出骤喜的表情，对苏娜说：“亲爱的，有办法了，你就说那年轻男子是来找你的！”

苏娜一听，急忙说：“那可不行！太太。老爷知道了，会更生气的。”

第15篇：幽默故事

1.报纸上登的消息不一定百分之百是真的，但什么消息绝对假不了？

2.什么时候看到的月亮最大？

《答案》

3.有一根棍子，要使它变短，但不许锯断，折断或削短，该怎么办？ 4.读完北京大学需要多少时间？

5.爸爸问小明，什么东西浑身都是漂亮的羽毛，每天早晨叫你起床？

小明猜对了，但却不是鸡，那是什么？

6.给你一本杂志和一个火柴盒，你能使杂志只有三分之一放在桌边而不掉落下来吗？

7.比细菌还小的东西是什么？

《答案》

8.阿里巴巴和四十大盗的故事是东方夜谭还是西方夜谭？

9.六岁的小明总是喜欢把家里的闹钟整坏，妈妈为什么总是让不会修理钟表的爸爸代为 修理? 10.猪的全身都是宝，用处很大，猪对人类还有什么用处？

11.一只瞎了左眼的山羊，在它的左边放一块猪肉，在它的右边放一块猪，请问它会先吃 哪一块？

12.老高骑自行车骑了十公里，但周围的景物始终没有变化。为什么？ 13.为什么女人穿高跟鞋后，就代表她快结婚了？《答案》 14.为什么老王家的马能吃掉老张家的象？

15.黑人和白人生下的婴儿，牙齿是什么

------------------ ※答案※

1.报纸上的年、月、日。

2.登上月球的时候。

3.拿一根更长的棍子跟它比。〈返回〉

4.读完“北京大学”四个字有１钞钟够了吧。

5.爸爸每天早晨用鸡毛掸子把小明 打起来。小明猜的是鸡毛掸子。 6.把杂志在三分之一处掀开，让页数的三分之一

搭在桌面卡放在边沿上就行了。 7.细菌的儿子。

8.都不是，是“天方夜谭”。《返回》

9.妈妈让爸爸修理小明。

10.还可以用来骂人，如笨得像头猪，蠢猪等。11.都不吃，山羊吃素。

12.因为他骑的是室内健身车。

13.因为穿高跟鞋走得慢，很容易被男人追上。14.因为他们正在下相棋。 15.婴儿还没有长齿。 返回

1.小明家住在五楼，可是电梯坏了，他自己也没有走楼梯，他却上了五楼回到家里，这可能吗？

2.哪个水壶装水多些？

3.什么时候最好还是要高高举起你的双手好些？

《答案》 4.什么样的轮子只转不走？

5.先有男人，还是先有女人？

6.三个孩子吃三个饼要用3分钟，九十个孩子九十个饼要用多少时间？

7.一个离过五十次婚的女人，应该怎么形容她？

8.全世界列亡率最高的地方在哪里？

《答案》 9.网要什么时候可以提水？

10.两个人住在一个胡同里，只隔几步路，他们同在一个工厂上班， 但每天出门上班， 却总一个向左，一个向右，为什么？

11.小华说他能在１秒钟之内把房间和房间里的玩具都变没了，这可能吗？

12.在什么时候1+2不等于3？

13.一对健康的夫妇，很不注意计划生育，生了三个孩子，这三个孩子都只有一只右手，为什么？

14.一个长宽各一米，深两米的土坑，坑里没有水，为什么有人不慎跌落下去淹死了？ 15.为什么现代人越来越言而无信？

《答案》 ※答案※

1.妈妈背着他上的陇。

《返回》

2.矮的装水多些，因为高水壶没有矮水壶的水嘴高，水装多了会从水嘴流出来。用枪指着你的头的时候。 .风车的轮子。

5.先有男人，因为男人是先生的，所以叫先生 6.：也是三分钟，九十个孩子同时吃。 7.前“公”尽弃。

8.在床上。

9.当水变成冰时，用网当然可以提了。

《返回》 10.他们住对门。

11.把眼睛闭上，再没有别的方法了。12.算错了的时候。 13.人不可能有二只右手。 14.那坑里装满了大粪。

15.打电话比写信方便，当然很少劳神写信了。《返回》

【当前位置】：3 １、一头公牛加一头母牛，猜三个字？ ２、什么水要按计划发放？; 《答案》 ３、孔子是我国最伟大的什么家？

４、毛毛说：１０＋４＝２，老师也说对，为什么？ ５、上海的南京路，来往最多的是什么人？ ６、什么帽子没有人能戴？

７、什么东西比乌鸦更讨厌？

《答案》

８、胖妞生病时，最怕别人来探病时说什么？ ９、老太太没牙怎样喝稀粥？

１０、三个金“鑫”，三个水叫“淼”，三个人叫“众”，那么三个鬼应该叫什么？ １１、什么贵重的东西最容易不翼而飞？ １２、什么是毛手毛脚？

１３、世上什么东西比天更高？

１４、小红口袋里原有１０个铜钱，但它们都掉了，请问小红口袋里还剩下什么？

１５、一溜（提示：注意谐音）三棵树，要拴１０匹马，只能拴单不能拴双？请问怎样拴？ ※答案※

１、两头牛;《返回》 ２、薪水

３、老人家

４、他算的是时间：１０点＋４点＝下午２点 ５、中国人 ６、螺丝帽 ７、乌鸦嘴

８、多保重身体 ９、无“齿”下流 １０、叫“救命” １１、人造卫星 １２、群猴做体操 １３、心比天高

１４、还剩下一个洞

１５、１＋６＋３＝１０（棵）每棵树上拴一匹马。

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1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30

【当前位置】：3

１、一头公牛加一头母牛，猜三个字？

------------------

２、什么水要按计划发放？; 《答案》

------------------

３、孔子是我国最伟大的什么家？

------------------

４、毛毛说：１０＋４＝２，老师也说对，为什么？

------------------

５、上海的南京路，来往最多的是什么人？

------------------

６、什么帽子没有人能戴？

------------------

７、什么东西比乌鸦更讨厌？

《答案》

------------------

８、胖妞生病时，最怕别人来探病时说什么？

------------------

９、老太太没牙怎样喝稀粥？

------------------

１０、三个金“鑫”，三个水叫“淼”，三个人叫“众”，那么三个鬼应该叫什么？

------------------

１１、什么贵重的东西最容易不翼而飞？

------------------

１２、什么是毛手毛脚？

------------------

１３、世上什么东西比天更高？

------------------

１４、小红口袋里原有１０个铜钱，但它们都掉了，请问小红口袋里还剩下什么？

------------------

１５、一溜（提示：注意谐音）三棵树，要拴１０匹马，只能拴单不能拴双？请问怎样拴？

------------------

------------------

※答案※

１、两头牛;《返回》

２、薪水

３、老人家

４、他算的是时间：１０点＋４点＝下午２点

５、中国人

６、螺丝帽

７、乌鸦嘴

８、多保重身体

９、无“齿”下流

１０、叫“救命”

１１、人造卫星

１２、群猴做体操

１３、心比天高

１４、还剩下一个洞

１５、１＋６＋３＝１０（棵）每棵树上拴一匹马。

返回顶部

>>>

©1999-2000 开心驿站

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1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30

【当前位置】：4

1.小张说的相声大家都喜欢听，为什么他有的时候说话却要付钱？

------------------

2.铁放到外面要生锈，那金子呢？ 《答案》

------------------

3.中国人最早的姓氏是什么？

------------------

4.小明的爸爸只当了一次官，而且只当了几天。可是因为当了那次官， 闹得他每天都要掏腰包，他当的是什么官？

------------------

5.地球上什么东西每天要走的距离最远？《答案》

------------------

6.爷爷送给小明一份生日礼物，小明一脚把礼物踢好远，爷爷却说踢得好，为什么？

------------------

7.桌子上有蜡烛和煤油灯，突然停电了，你该先点燃什么？

------------------

8.最坚固的锁怕什么？

------------------

9.办什么事睁一只眼闭一只眼比较好些？

------------------

10.太平洋的中间是什么？ 《答案》

------------------

11、有一根棍子，要使它变短，但不许锯断，折断或削短，该怎么办？

------------------

12、比细菌还小的东西是什么？ 《答案》

------------------

13、两个人住在一个胡同里，只隔几步路，他们同在一个工厂上班，但每天出门上班，却总一个向左，一个向右，为什么？

------------------

14、猴子每分钟能掰一个玉米，在果园里，一只猴子５分钟能掰几个玉米？

------------------

15、有种动物，大小像只猫，长相又像虎，这是什么动物？

------------------ 答案

1.打公用电话当然要付钱。

2.会被偷走。《返回》

3.姓“善”。三安经上说得很明白，“人之初，姓本善”吗。

4.新郎官。

5.地球。（地球每天自转一周为四万公里）。

6.爷爷送的是足球。

7.：先点燃火柴是当务之急。

8.钥匙。

9.射击的时候。《返回》

10.是“平”字。

11、拿一根比它长的棍子

12、细菌的孩子

13、他们住在对面

14、没掰到一个

15、小老虎

《返回》

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【当前位置】：4

1.小张说的相声大家都喜欢听，为什么他有的时候说话却要付钱？

------------------

2.铁放到外面要生锈，那金子呢？ 《答案》

------------------

3.中国人最早的姓氏是什么？

------------------

4.小明的爸爸只当了一次官，而且只当了几天。可是因为当了那次官， 闹得他每天都要掏腰包，他当的是什么官？

------------------

5.地球上什么东西每天要走的距离最远？《答案》

------------------

6.爷爷送给小明一份生日礼物，小明一脚把礼物踢好远，爷爷却说踢得好，为什么？

------------------

7.桌子上有蜡烛和煤油灯，突然停电了，你该先点燃什么？

------------------

8.最坚固的锁怕什么？

------------------

9.办什么事睁一只眼闭一只眼比较好些？

------------------

10.太平洋的中间是什么？ 《答案》

------------------

11、有一根棍子，要使它变短，但不许锯断，折断或削短，该怎么办？

------------------

12、比细菌还小的东西是什么？ 《答案》

------------------

13、两个人住在一个胡同里，只隔几步路，他们同在一个工厂上班，但每天出门上班，却总一个向左，一个向右，为什么？

------------------

14、猴子每分钟能掰一个玉米，在果园里，一只猴子５分钟能掰几个玉米？

------------------

15、有种动物，大小像只猫，长相又像虎，这是什么动物？

------------------ 答案

1.打公用电话当然要付钱。

2.会被偷走。《返回》

3.姓“善”。三安经上说得很明白，“人之初，姓本善”吗。

4.新郎官。

5.地球。（地球每天自转一周为四万公里）。

6.爷爷送的是足球。

7.：先点燃火柴是当务之急。

8.钥匙。

9.射击的时候。《返回》

10.是“平”字。

11、拿一根比它长的棍子

12、细菌的孩子

13、他们住在对面

14、没掰到一个

15、小老虎

《返回》

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1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30

【当前位置】：5

１、哪儿的海不产鱼？

《答案》

------------------

２、楚楚的生日在三月三十日，请问是哪年的三月三十日？

------------------

３、两只狗赛跑，甲狗跑得快，乙狗跑得慢，跑到终点时，哪只狗出汗多？

------------------

４、用什么可以解开所有的谜？

------------------

５、一个不会游泳的人掉进了水里却没有淹死，为什么？

------------------

６、明明是个近视眼，也是个出名的馋小子，在他面前放一堆书，书后放一个苹果，你说他会先看什么？

------------------

７、有个人不是官，却负责全公司职工、干部上上下下的工作。这个人是干什么的？答案

------------------

８、你能做、我能做、大家都能做，一个人能做、两个人不能一起做。这是做什么？

------------------

９、８个数字“８”，如何使它等于1000？

------------------

10、牙医靠什么吃饭?

------------------

11、月球上去过外星人吗？

------------------

12、你的爸爸的妹妹的堂弟的表哥的爸爸与你叔叔的儿子的嫂子是什么关系？答案

------------------

13、闭着眼睛也看得见的是什么？

------------------

14、王大爷养了只乖乖狗，却从来不帮狗洗澡，为什么这只狗仍不会生跳蚤？

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15、哪项比赛是往后跑的？

------------------

※答案※

１、辞海《返回》

２、每年的三月三十日

３、狗不会出汗

４、谜底

５、穿着救生衣

６、什么都看不到

７、电梯工 《返回》

８、做梦

９、8+8+8+88+888

10、嘴巴

11、地球人

12、亲戚关系返回

13、做梦

14、狗不会生跳蚤 《返回》

15、拔河

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1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30

【当前位置】：6

1、什么东西不能用放大镜放大？

------------------

2、人在什么情况下会变得目中无人？答案

------------------

3、当钟敲响13声时，你该去干什么？

------------------

4、吸血鬼最怕得什么病？

------------------

5、什么酒价格最贵？

------------------

6：一百个男人无法抬起的物体，却有一女子可单手举起，此物体究竟为何物？

------------------

7：中国古贤人曾将兰色外衣，浸泡于黄河中，结果产生何种现象？

------------------

8：有辆载满货物的货车，一人在前面推，一人在后面拉，货车还可能向前进吗？（限时分钟） 《答案》

------------------

9：相同的物品买一个交60元，买两个交20元的东西是什么？

------------------

10：妈妈叫大雄赶快起床上学校，因为就快迟到了！但是前天被殴，昨天被打的大雄，说什么也不肯去，只表示已经“没法子了！”这是为什么？

------------------

11：为什么警察对闯红灯的汽车司机视而不见？

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12：古时候，什么人没当爸爸就先当公公？

------------------

13：什么帽不能戴？ 〈答案〉

------------------

14：有一头头朝北的牛，它向右转原地转三圈，然后向后转原地转三圈，接着再往右转，这时候它的尾巴朝哪？

------------------

15：为什么有家医院从不给人看病？

------------------

※答案※

1、角度

2、眼睛瞎了返回

3、修时钟

4、蛀牙

5、喜酒

6、鸡蛋（仅一颗鸡蛋，一百个人无法抬起）。

7、沾湿。

8、可能，此货车在下坡时。

9、这东西就是用100元钞票买一个40元的物品，所找的零钱。

10、因为大雄是学校的教师。

11：汽车司机在步行。 〈返回〉

12：太监。

13：罗丝帽。

14：朝地。

15：兽医院。

返回顶部

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16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30

【当前位置】：7

1：电影院内禁止吸烟，而在剧情达到高潮时，却有一男子开始抽烟，整个银幕笼罩着烟雾。但是，却没有任何一位观众出来抗议，这是为什么？

------------------

2：马路上发生车祸碰撞事件，当警察立刻赶往时虽然司机全力相助，一人却已死亡。依司机的说法，此人并非死于车祸，而是因肺癌丧命。因同坐车的只有司机和死者二人，根本没有目击者；但是，警察却立刻明白，司机并没有说谎。这是为什么？

------------------

3：火柴盒内只剩一根火柴棒。A先生想点亮煤油灯，使煤炉起火，并烧热水的话，应该先点何物较佳？

答案

------------------

问4：一位服装模特儿小姐，即使在平日也穿着未经发表的新款服饰，但她常常看到穿着和她完全相同服饰的人。这是为什么？

------------------

问5：在狩猎公园的池子中，鳄鱼正咬住管理员的帽子游走；只见池子外的所有管理员都一起叫骂着。但是，并没有人的帽子不见了！为什么？

------------------

问6：纸上写着某一份命令。但是，看懂此文字的人，却绝对不能宣读命令。那么，纸上写的是什么呢？

------------------

问7：妻子：“糟糕，亲爱的，你送给我的钻石戒指，落到红茶里去了„„” 结果，戒指又平安回到妻子的手上，而且一点也没有弄湿的痕迹。这难道是奇迹吗？

------------------

问8：A君与B君的家均位于新兴的住宅地，相距只有一百米。此地除这两家之外，还没有其他邻居，而且也没有安装电话。现在A君想邀请B君“来家里玩”，在不去B君家邀约的情况下，以何种方法能最早通知B君？假设A君身边装着十张画图纸、奇异笔、胶带与放大镜。

------------------

问9：住在山谷中的志明，突然想吃泡面，便支起小锅来烧水。水快开了才发现家里的泡面已吃完了，急急忙忙到山脚下的杂货店去买。30分钟后回到家，发现锅里的热水全都不见了。这究竟是为什么？

------------------

问10：芳龄二十四，自认窈窕美丽饿丁小姐，逐渐厌烦这种游戏人间的爱情，于是便于夏天下定决心——要和第一个向她求婚的人，踏入地毯的那一端。但是，当我于秋天再度碰到丁小姐时，她虽然表示：“有人要我结婚，已高达四十二次了！”但是她却丝毫没有结婚的打算。这并非丁小姐改变初衷，是为什么呢？

------------------

问11：有对一模一样的双胞胎兄弟，哥哥的屁股有黑痣，而弟弟没有。但即使这对双胞胎穿着相同的服饰，仍然有人可立刻知道谁是哥哥，谁是弟弟。究竟是谁呢？

《答案》

------------------

问12：为什么人们要到市场上去？什么东西在倒立之后会增加一半？

------------------

问13：某富翁的左右邻居都养狗，一到晚上，这二条狗就吠叫不停。无法忍受这种折磨的富翁，便出搬家费一百万元，希望左右邻居搬走。的确，两个邻居是连狗一起搬家了，但是一到夜晚，富翁还是可听到完全相同的狗吠声。这是为什么？

------------------

问14：前些日子，小高与双亲头一次出国旅行，他们三人来到完全陌生的国度。由于语言不通，他的父母显得不知所措。而只有小高未感受丝毫不方便，仿佛仍在自己的国家中，这是什么道理呢？

------------------

问15：徐先生犯了一个大错误。当他在太太面前，掏口袋的一刹那，一些袋内的酒吧火柴盒、未中奖的马票，以及旧情人的照片等，均散落一地。他在慌张之余，为了避免吵架，双手各遮起一件东西 。试问，他所遮起最有效的东西是什么？

------------------

------------------

※答案※

1.这是因为抽烟的男子，是电影中出现的人物。 2.因为此司机是以灵柩车运送这位死于肺癌的人。

〈返回〉

3.应先点燃火柴棒。若没将火柴棒点燃，其他的部分就不能发挥作用了。

4.因为她看到的是映于镜子内的自己。

5.鳄鱼把戴此帽子的管理员吞下去了。

6.纸上写着“不要念出此文”。

7.因戒指是掉入红茶的茶叶罐中。

8.他只要大声吼叫就可以了。

9.因锅中的热水已变成冷水了。

10.因为要她结婚的人，是她的父母。

〈返回〉

11.这对双胞胎本身。

12.因为市场不可能来；数目字6。

13.因为这两位邻居互相交换住屋。

14.原来小高仅是一名婴儿。

15.遮住太太的右眼及左眼。

返回顶部

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1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30

【当前位置】：8

1：草地上画了一个直径十米的圆圈，内有牛一头，圆圈中心插了一根木桩。牛被一根五米长的绳子栓着，如果不割断绳子，也不解开绳子，那么此牛能否吃到圈外的草？

------------------

2：老师用篮子拿来了五个苹果，准备分给五个小朋友，每个小朋友分一个，但是篮子里还要留一个，请问怎么分？

------------------

3：有一位刻字先生，他挂出来的价格表是这样写的：刻“隶书”4角；刻“仿宋体”6角刻“你的名章”8角；刻“你爱人的名章”1.2元。那么他刻字的单价是多少？

------------------

4：有两个棋友在一天中共下了9盘棋，在没有和局的情况下他俩赢的次数相同，这是怎么一回事？

〈答案〉

------------------

5：一个并非神枪手的人手持猎枪，另一个人将一顶帽子挂起来，然后将持枪人的眼睛蒙上，让他向后走10步，再向左转走10步，最后让他转身对帽子射击，结果他一枪打中了帽子，这怎么一回事？

------------------

6：有爷俩，娘俩和兄妹俩，只有6个烧饼，但却每人分得了两个，这是为什么？

------------------

7：有两个孩子的父母相同，出生年月日也完全相同，但他们并不是双胞胎，他们是什么关系？

------------------

8：有一次，老李买了一只狗，买了一篮子骨头，他休息时，用一根5米的绳子将狗拴在路边树上，将骨头放在离狗8米的地方，但过了一会儿，他发现骨头被狗叼走了，你知道为什么吗？

------------------

9：桌子上有12支点燃的蜡烛，先被风吹灭了3根，不久又一阵风吹灭了2根，最后桌子上还剩几根蜡烛？

------------------

10：小王与父母头一次出国旅行，由于语言不通，他的父母显的不知所措，小王也不懂丝毫外语，他也不是聋哑人，却象在自己国家里一样未尝感到丝毫不便这是为什么？

------------------

11：一位卡车司机撞倒了一个骑摩托车的人，卡车司机受重伤，但摩托车骑士却没事。这是为什么？

------------------

12：地球末日来临。地球上最后一位男人正坐在书桌前写遗书，突然听到敲门声，是幽灵，外星人，动物吗？全都不是。更不是因风或石子等无生命的东西发出的声音，那么是谁发出的敲门声呢？

〈答案〉

------------------

13：1，2，3所能组成的最大数是多少？

------------------

14：进动物园看到的第一个动物是什么？

------------------ 15：阿红与丈夫生的婴儿牙齿是什么颜色的？

------------------

------------------

※答案※

1：能，因为题中并没说牛被栓在木桩上。

2：5个人分一个，其中一个小朋友的那个放在篮子里盛着。

3：每个字两角。

4：他俩所下的9盘棋，不都是他俩之间下的。

5：另一个人将帽子挂在他的枪口上。

〈返回〉

6：他们只有3个人：儿子，母亲，舅舅。

7：多胞胎中的两个。

8：狗在树的另一端，骨头在这一端时，它们相距8米。

9：5根，因为其他没被风吹灭的都燃完了。

10：小王是婴儿。

11：卡车司机在步行。

12：女人。

13：3的21次方

。

14：售票员。

15：婴儿没有牙齿。返回

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16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30

【当前位置】：9

1.制造日期与有效日期是同一天的产品是什么？

------------------

2.用椰子和西瓜打头哪一个比较痛？

------------------

3.小王一边刷牙，一边悠闲的吹着口哨，他是怎么做到的？ 〈答案〉

------------------

4.有一位老太太上了公车，为什么没人让座？

------------------

5.有一个人，他是你父母生的，但他却不是你的兄弟姐妹，他是谁？

------------------

6.“水蛇”“蟒蛇”“青竹蛇”哪一个比较长？

------------------

7.书店买不到的书是什么书？

------------------

8.什么水取之不尽用之不竭？

------------------ 9.什么东西天气越热，它爬的越高？

------------------

10.什么动物，你打死了它却流了你的血？

------------------

11.谁天天去看病？

------------------

12.什么照片看不出照的是谁？

------------------

13.一对健康的夫妇，为什么会生出一个没有眼睛的后代？

------------------

14.王老太太整天喋喋不休，可他有一个月说话最少，是哪一个月？

------------------

15.什么布剪不断？

------------------

------------------

※答案※

〈答案〉

1:报纸。 〈返回〉

2：头比较痛。

3：刷假牙。

4：车上有空坐。

5：你自己。

6：“青竹蛇”三个字比较长。

7：秘书。

8：口水。

9：温度计。 〈返回〉

10：蚊子。

11：医生。

12：X光照片。

13：公鸡母鸡夫妇生的蛋，蛋没有眼睛。

14：二月。

15：瀑布。返回

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16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30

【当前位置】：10

1.小张被关在一间并没有上锁的房间里，可是他使出吃奶的力气也不能把门拉开，这是怎么回事？

------------------

2.在一次考试中，一对同桌交了一模一样的考卷，但老师认为他们肯定没有做弊，这是为什么？

------------------

3.加热会凝固的东西是什么？

------------------

4.某地发生了大地震，伤亡惨重，收音机里不断传出受灾情况以及寻人启事，一位老大爷一直在注意收听收音机的报道。有人问他：“收音机里播放过你孙子的消息了吗？”他回答说：“没有。”接着他又说：“但我知道我孙子肯定平安无事。”请问他是怎么知道的？

------------------

5.小王是一名优秀士兵，一天他在站岗值勤时，明明看到有敌人悄悄向他摸过来，为什么他却睁一只眼闭一只眼？

〈答案〉

------------------

6：小王中午时候去开会，为什么半个人影也没看到？

------------------

7：小刘是个很普通的人，为什么竟然能一连十几个小时不眨眼？

------------------

8：吃苹果时，吃出一条虫子，感觉很恶心，那么吃出几只虫子感觉最恶心？

------------------

9：冰变成水最快的方法是什么？

------------------

10：当今社会，个体户大都靠什么吃饭？

------------------

11.有一种布很长很宽很好看，就是没有人用它来作衣服也不可能作成衣服，为什么？

------------------

12有一种地方专门教坏人，但没有一个警察敢对它采取行动加以扫荡。这是什么地方？

------------------

13.有一辆没有开任何照明灯的卡车在漆黑的公路上飞快的行使，天还下着雨，没有闪电、没有月光也没有路灯；就在这时，一位穿着一身黑衣的盲人横穿公路！在这千钧一发之际，汽车司机紧急的刹车了，避免了一次恶性事故的发生。为什么会是这样呢？

------------------

14.有一个人，看电影时因为有事去晚了半个小时，没想到来到电影院时竟半个人影都没有见到。（已知电影正常演出）

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15.请你把九匹马平均放到十个马圈里，并让每个马圈里的马的数目都相同，怎么分？

(答案）

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※答案※

1：推开门就行。

2：他们都交白卷。

3：蛋。

〈返回〉

4：他孙子就是收音机里的播音员。

5：他正在瞄准

6：影子是没有半个的。

7：睡觉的时候。

8：半只虫子。

9：去掉“冰”的两点水。

10：嘴巴。

11.答案：瀑布

12.答案：看守所

13.答案：漆黑的马路是公路的颜色，当时是白天

14.答案：世界上没有半个人影，都是整个人影

（返回）

15.答案：把九匹马放到一个马圈里，再在这个马圈的外头套上九个圈，这样每个马圈里就有九匹马了

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【当前位置】：11

1.小明把闹表调到早晨六点钟，他却在五点多就醒了，可他不知道闹表塞到哪去了， 你能帮忙吗？

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2.什么门永远关不上？

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3.为什么大雁秋天要飞到南方趣？

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4.打什么东西毫不废力？ 答案

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5.船边挂着软梯，离海面2米，海水每小时上涨半米，几个小时海水能淹没软梯？

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6.南来北往的二个人，一个挑担，一个背包，他们没争也没吵，也没有人让路， 却顺利的通过了独木桥，为什么？

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7.月亮上去过外星人吗？

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8.盖楼要从第几层开始盖？

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9.小明总是马马虎虎，他同时写了十封信，装完信封他检查了一下，发现有一封信装错了， 爸爸说他又马虎了，为什么？

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10.冬冬的爸爸牙齿非常好，可是他经常趣口腔医院，为什么？

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11、什么地方开口说话要付钱？

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12、一个推车的，一个挑担的，同时要过独木桥，一个南来，一个北往，有什么办法主他们同时过？答案

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13、我不会轻功，反一只脚搭在鸡蛋上，鸡蛋却不会破，这是为什么？

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14、小王走路从来脚不沾地，这是为什么？

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15、情人卡、生日卡、大大小小的卡，到底要寄什么卡给女人，最能博得她的欢心呢？案

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※答案※

1.答案：等到六点钟，闹表一响不就可以找到了吗？

2.答案：足球门。

答

3.答案：如果走，那太慢了。

4.答案：打瞌睡。返回

5.答案：水涨船高。水不会淹没软梯。

6.答案：南为北往是一个方向，当然可以顺利通过独木桥。

7.答案：地球的宇航员登上过月球。

8.答案：是从地基开始的？

9.答案：如果装错了，要同时错两封，不可能只错一封，检查时小明又马虎了。

10.答案：因为他是牙科医生。

11、打电话

12、南来是往北，北往也是往北，同时过桥就是。返回

13、另外一只脚站在地上

14、因为穿着鞋子

15、信用卡 返回

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【当前位置】：12

1：一个人从一个五十米高的大厦上跳楼自杀，重重的摔在了地上，为什么没被摔死？

2：有一位大师武功了得，他在下雨天不带任何防雨物品出门，全身都被淋湿了，可是头发一点没湿，怎么回事？

------------------ 3：小王上班的地方很远，骑自行车需要一个小时，可他星期三去上班却用了两个半小时（并没有特别的事情发生），为什么？

〈答案〉

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4：小王过十三岁的生日，为什么桌子上有十四根蜡烛？

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5：借什么可以不还？

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6：为什么彤彤与壮壮第一次见面就一口咬定壮壮是喝羊奶长大的？

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7：五月五日是我国人民传统节日：端午节，是伟大诗人屈原投江的日子，那么你知道五月十二日是什么日子吗？

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8：孔子与孟子有何不同？

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9.迄今为止，你所见到的最大的影子是什么？

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10.司机小李看到电线杆子上蹲着一只猴子，为什么他规规矩矩的的把车停下来？

11.小丽与小王是同桌同学，也住在同一条街，他们每天一起上学，可是每天他们一出门就一个向左走，一个向右走，这是怎么一回事？

〈答案〉

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12.“达可号”开始驶向波涛汹涌澎湃的大海，虽然它可容纳50人，但这次却只坐20个人。拒在海上巡逻的人说，“达可号”在离港仅40分钟后便突然开始下沉。拒后来的调查指出，“达可号”突然下沉，并非因为“达可号”有破洞，或发生爆炸，破坏之类的事故,那么,你是否能估计得到\"达可号\"突然下沉的原因是什么?

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13.如果有机会让你移民,你一定不会去哪个国家?

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14.3个人3天用3桶水，9个人9天用几桶水？

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15.有一只蜗牛从新疆维吾尔自治区爬到海南省为什么只需三分钟？

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※答案※

1：他在半空就已经吓死了。

2：他是和尚没头发。

〈返回〉

3：两个“半小时”就是一个小时。

4：那晚停电，有一根是用来照明的。

5：借光。

6：壮壮是一只羊。

7：屈原烧“头七”的日子。

8：孔子把儿子背在身上，孟子扛在头上。

9：黑夜，它是地球的影子。

〈返回〉

10：他把猴子屁股当成红灯了。

11:她们住对门。

12：“达可号”是一艘潜艇。

13：天国。

14：9捅。

15：它在地图上爬。

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1.有两个人同时来到了河边，都想过河，但却只有一条小船，而且小船只能载1个人，请问，他们能否都过河？

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第16篇：英语白雪公主及幽默小故事

旁白：Once upon a time, there was a queen.She had a pretty daughter named Snow White.Soon after the child was born, the queen died.The queen married another queen.The stepmother was very jealous.She dreed Snow White in rags and forced her to do the housework all day and all night, such as sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.

白雪：( Sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.)

皇后：I‟m the new queen.I‟m very beautiful.you see.If anyone is more beautiful than me, I‟ll kill her.I have a magic mirror.If I want to know something, It will tell me surely.Now, mirror, mirror, come here! 魔镜：Yes, I‟m coming.Your Majesty! What do you want to know? 皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Who is the fairest of the all?

魔镜：Yes.Your Majesty! You are the fairest of all, I think.But there is a young lady.She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.She is much more beautiful than you. 皇后：She is much more beautiful than me?Who is she? Tell me quickly.2 SW---白雪公主 Q---皇后 M---魔镜 H---猎人

P---白马王子 D---小矮人 A---小动物 旁白：A long time ago, In a beautiful kingdom, there lived a young king and queen, the people loved them so much; the queen died while giving birth to a girl, her name was Snow White, She was a beautiful prince.Year paed, the king got married again, The people didn‟t love the new queen, because she was cruel.One day, In the king‟s palace:----白雪出场

S.w: My name is S.w , I am a beautiful prince, I mi my mother so much, Where is my mother? Where is my mother? 皇后、魔镜出场Q: I am a queen, I‟m very beautiful,Where is Mirror?Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who‟s the most beautiful?

M: S.w is much more beautiful than you!

Q: Hunter, go kill S.w.

猎人出场 H: Yes, my queen 小动物出场，追赶猎人，公主惊慌出逃

S.w: Help me ,help me, please, please

A: what‟s the matter with you?

S.w: The hunter…hunter…

A: bite you bite you … 小动物追赶猎人下场

S.w: I am tried and hungry, oh, there is a little house ,I will eat a little and lie down.7个小矮人出场，D: 1/Look, somebody ate my food----

2/somebody drank my water----

3/someone is sleeping now----

4/What a beautiful girl!----

小矮人睡觉----音乐起公主先醒了----小矮人醒了----对话

5/How do you do?

S.w: How do you do? My name is S.w … Nice to meet you!

D: （齐说）Nice to meet you ,too----

6/ welcome to our house!----

7/Would you like to live here?

S.w: My pleasure, thank you very much!

D: Let‟s go out for our work, bye-bye, S.W

皇后、魔镜出场Q: Mirror, mirror on the wall,who‟s the most beautiful?

M: S.w is much more beautiful than you!

Q: What? S.w is not dead?Hahaha, I got a good idea!

皇后扮演老太太出场，对话

Q: Apple ,apple, beautiful apple,

S.w: Hello, Good morning grandma!

Q: pretty girl ,would you like a bite?

S.w: Oh, yes ,thank you grandma!

白雪公主咬一口后倒地Q: The girl is dead! Hahaha…

小矮人出场、围着公主哭 S.w wake up, wake up…

动物引着王子出场 P: A beautiful girl! She shall be my queen!

王子吻公主，公主醒了S.w: Thank you for your help!

P: My pleasure

Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word \"egg\"?

Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg\"?

Student:In the cake,Sir.鸡蛋在哪里？老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。 老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？学生：在蛋糕里，先生

Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him.

Man:He is really somebody.What does do? Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery 他真是一个大人物

小孩：我叔叔下面有1000个人。男人：他真是一个大人物。他是干什么的？小孩：墓地守墓人。

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course.He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.一名伟人

老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？

学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。

Son: Dad, give me a dime.

Father: Son, don\'t you think you\'re getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I gue you\'re right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you? 儿子：爸爸，给我一角钱。

父亲：儿子，你不认为你已经长大了，不该再老是一角一角地要钱了(该自立了)，不是吗？ 儿子：爸爸，我想你是对的，那给我一块钱行吗？

\"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?\" \"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it.\" “孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”

“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home.At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.Now, he asked, \"What\'s the meaning of the word \'Drunk\', dad?\" \"Well, my son,\" his father replied, \"look, there are standing two policemen.If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.\"

\"But, dad,\" the boy said, \" there\'s only ONE policeman!\"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一块儿回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，„醉‟字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night.He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.

Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm.He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his bo: \"I didn\'t have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.\"

\"That\'s fine,\" roared the bo, \"but where were you Monday and Tuesday?\"

安眠药

鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。

星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”

“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”

第17篇：英语幽默小故事(带翻译)

英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译) 线话英语|2016-03-14 17:03:05

英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译)如下：

Midway Tactics

Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall.Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.

The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, \"Gigantic Sale!\" and \"Super Bargains!\"

The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, \"Prices Slashed!\" and \"Fantastic Discounts!\"

The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, \"ENTRANCE\".中间战术

三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。

右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”

左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”

中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。

Very Pleased to Meet You

During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army.Joan Phillips was one of them.She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.

One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance.He said to her, \"I’m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other.\" Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.

Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.

Joan went there and said to the matron, \"I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys.\"

\"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here,\" the matron said.

\"Oh, that‘s all right,\" answered Joan.\"I‘m his sister.\"

\"I‘m very pleased to meet you,\" the matron said, \"I‘m his mother!\"

在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。

一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。

后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。

琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”

“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。

“噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”

“很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。”

Two Soldiers

Two soldiers were in camp.The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill.George said, \"have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?\"

Bill said, \"Yes, I have,\" and he gave them to him.

Then George said, \"Now I haven‘t got a pen.\" Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter.Then he put it in the envelope and said, \"have you got a stamp, Bill?\" Bill gave him one.

Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, \"Are you going out?\"

Bill Said, \"Yes, I am,\" and he opened the door.

George said, \"Please put my letter in the box in the office, and...\" He stopped.

\"What do you want now?\" Bill said to him.

George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, \"What‘s your girl-friend‘s addre?\"

军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?”

比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。

乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。

这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?”

比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。

乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。

“你还要什么?”比尔问。

乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?”

Five Months Older

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18.So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too.This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.\"How old are you?\" he said.

\"Eighteen, sir,\" said John.

\"But your brother was eighteen, too,\" said the doctor.\"Are you twins?\"

\"Oh, no, sir,\" said John, and his face went red.\"My brother is five months older than I am.\"

大五个月

第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。

可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。

“你多大了?”军医问。

“十八，长官。”约翰说。

“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”

约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”

West Point

My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College.Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly preed uniforms.Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, \"to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point.\"

One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture.They explained, \"We want to show our son what he mied by not coming to West Point.\"

父亲、哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波士顿大学之间的橄榄球赛。开始之前，我们到处转了转，碰到许多穿着整齐制服的学员。几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出军姿来让他们摄。“好让我们的儿子知道，如果他到西点军校来学习会得到什么。”

一对中年夫妇走近一名非常漂亮的女学员，问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。他们解释说：“我们想让儿子知道他没来西点军校错过了什么。”

(6)Present for Girlfriend

At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend.\"Shall I engrave her name on it?\" the jeweler asked.

The customer thought for a moment, and then said, \"No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘.That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again.\"

送给女友的礼物

在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给女友的礼物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面吗?”珠宝商问道。

那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：“不--在上面刻‘给我唯一的爱’。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。”

Be Careful What You Wish For

A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.

During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world.The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband‘s turn.He paused for a moment, then said shyly, \"Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me.\"

The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

慎重许愿

一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。

庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。她说，由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻，因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。

妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一声，她的手中出现了一张票。

接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻，害羞地说，“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。”

仙女拾起了魔术棒。“呯!”，他变成了90岁。

Wood Fire

One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal.\"Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened.\"

\"Does that mean,\" asked the other, \"that they make ashes of themselves?\"

森林之火

一名妇女向她最好的朋友大谈雄性动物的特性：“丈夫们就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他们就会燃烧起来。”

“那是不是意味着，”另一个问道，“他们将自己烧成灰烬?”

Best Reward

A naval officer fell overboard.He was rescued by a deck hand.The officer asked how he could reward him.

\"The best way, sir,\" said the deck hand, \"is to say nothing about it.If the other fellows knew I‘d pulled you out, they‘d chuck me in.\"

最好的奖赏

一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能酬谢他。

“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”

Napoleon Was Ill

Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history profeor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university.However, his father decided that he would go to see the profeor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.

\"He‘s a good boy,\" said Jack‘s father, \"and if you let him pa this time, I‘m sure he‘ll improve a lot next year and pa the examinations at the end of it really well.\"

\"No, no, that‘s quite impoible,\" replied the profeor immediately.\"Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn‘t know!\"

\"Please, sir, give him another chance,\" said Jack‘s father.\"You see, I‘m afraid we don‘t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill.\"

拿破仑病了

杰克到一所大学去学历史。第一学期结束时，历史课教授没让他及格。学校让他退学。然而，杰克的父亲决定去见教授，强烈要求让杰克继续来年的学业。

“他是个好孩子，”杰克的父亲说：“您要是让他这次及格，我相信他明年会有很大进步，学期结束时，他一定会考好的。”

“不，不，那不可能，”教授马上回答。“你知道吗?上个月我问他拿破仑什么时候死的，他都不知道。”

“先生，请再给他一次机会吧。”杰克的父亲说：“你不知道，恐怕是因为我们家没有订报纸。我们家的人连拿破仑病了都不知道。”

He Was Only Wrong by Two

Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren‘t always smart enought to be accepted by the college.

One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination.\"Well,\" the dean said after some persuasion, \"I‘d better ask him a few questions first.\"

Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn‘t know any of the answers.

At last the dean said, \"Well, what‘s five times seven?\"

The student thought for a long time and then answered, \"Thirty-six.\"

The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, \"Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two.\"

他的得数只比正确答案多二

杰克霍金斯是美国一所学院的橄榄球队教练，他竭力想物色好球员。但是好球员学业不行，院方不愿录取。

有一天，教练带着一位优秀的年轻球员去见院长，希望院方同意他免试入学。经过一番劝说后院长说：“那我最好先问问他几个问题。”

然后他转向学生，问了几个非常简单的问题。可是那个学生一个也答不上来。

最后院长说：“那么，五乘七得多少?”

学生想了很久，然后回答说：“三十六。”

院长摊开双手失望地看了看教练。可是教练认真地说，“噢，录取他吧，先生。他的答案只比正确答案多二。”

Real Play

When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater‘s current production and write a critique.After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: \"The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television.\"

逼真的戏剧

我在北达科他州立大学教戏剧入门课时，要求学生们去看学校剧团当时的演出，并写一篇评论。看了一场极为精彩的演出后，一名学生写道：“这部戏剧是如此逼真，以致于我认为我自己是坐在家里的沙发上，从电视上看到的。”

A Fine Match

One day a lady saw a mouse running acro her kitchen floor.She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops.There she bought a mousetrap.The shopkeeper said to her, \"Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse.\"

The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it.She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.

Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite succeful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!

势均力敌

有一天某位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的厨房地板上窜过。她很害怕老鼠，所以她冲出屋子，搭上了公共汽车直奔商店。在那儿，她买了一只老鼠夹。店主告诉她：“放点奶酪在里面，很快你就会逮住那只老鼠的。”

这位女士带着鼠夹回到家里，但她没有在碗橱里找到奶酪。她不想再回到商店里去，因为已经很晚了。于是，她就从一份杂志中剪下一幅奶酪的图片放进了夹子。

令人称奇的是，这画有奶酪的图片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，这位女士下楼到厨房时，发现鼠夹里奶酪图片旁有一张画有老鼠的图片!

Gardening Gloves

For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold.On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions.I held my hands up and said, \"Well, you‘ll notice that my hands are bare.\"

Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm.\"Happy birthday,\" he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.

园艺手套

几个月以来，我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的结婚戒指，因为我对黄金有点过敏。生日那天，我正在干园艺活时，丈夫问我想要什么礼物。我举起双手说：“嗯，你肯定看到了，我的两手都是光光的。”

那天晚上，我满怀热情地拆开了丈夫送的礼物。“生日快乐!”他说。我打开一看：里面包着一双园艺手套。

Warning

Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him.I was careful to call him a few days in advance to \"warn\" him that we would be coming.When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room.\"Forgot we were coming, didn‘t you?\" I teased.

\"Are you kidding?\" he replied, \"Why else would I have bothered to clean?\"

提醒

我们的儿子是密歇根州阿尔马大学的新生，开学几个星期之后，我和丈夫决定去看看他。我特意提前给他打电话，“提醒”他我们将光临。但是当我们来到宿舍时，他的房间凌乱不堪，我非常吃惊。“忘了我们要来，是吧?”我取笑他。

“开什么玩笑?“，他回答说，“要不我凭什么费神打扫?”

Ground Rules

One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Miouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor.Explaining his ground rules to one freshman cla, he said, \"Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don‘t mind if you look at your watches during cla.I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they‘re still running.\"

基本原则

位于吉拉多海角的密苏里东南州立大学有一位我非常喜欢的老师，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在对一个新生班级讲解他的基本原则时，他说：“我知道我的讲课可能经常会枯燥乏味，了无生趣，所以如果你们在上课时看表我并不介意。不过我坚决反对你们将表在课桌上猛敲看它们是不是还在走。” 推荐阅读：

简单英语小笑话带翻译

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第18篇：英语幽默

The insane asylum

Late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, “I am Napoleon.” Another one said, “ How do you know?”.

The first inmate said, “God told me!”

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, “I did not!”

Improvement

One student said to another, “How are your English leons coming along?”

“Fine, I used to be one who couldn’t understand the English men, and now it’s the English men who can’t understand me.”

All Except the Music

A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her cla to the glories of claical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert.To make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lomonade, cake, chocs and ices.Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, “Have you enjoyed yourself today?”

“Oh, yes, mi” said Sally, “It was lovely.All except the music, that is.”

half or five tenths

Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?

Gerad: I would much rather have the half.

Teacher: Think carefully and tell me why.

Gerad: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.

The Reason for being late

Teacher: Why are you late for school every morning?

Jonny: Because every time I get to the corner, a guidepost says, “ School-----Go slowly”.

When do People Talk Least?

St A: When do people talk least?

St B: In February.

St A: Why?

St B: Because February is the shortest month in a year.

Plural Form of Child

T: What’s the plural form of “man”?

S: It’s “men”,.

T:GoodAnd the plural of “child”?

S: Twins.

My Sister’s Fingers

T: Why are you late this time?

S: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking a nail at home.

T: I don’t see any bandages.

S: Oh, they weren’t my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.

What is the climate of New Zealand

T: What’s the climateof New Zealand?

S:Very cold, sir.

T:Wrong.

S: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!

Lightening

T: Why the lightening never strike the same place twice?

S: Because the stroke place isn’t there any more.

How many rabbits?

T: Now, Jonathan, if I gave you three rabbits and then the next day I gave five rabbits, how many rabbits would you have?

S: Nine, sir!

T: Nine?

S: I’ve got one already.

To Go to Heaven

Sunday School teacher: Hands up all those who want to go to Heaven? Hands up……What about you,Terry? You havent’s got your hand up ----don’t you want to go to Heaven?

Terry: I can’t.My Mum told me to go straight home.

I Wasn’t Asleep

When a group of women got on the bus, all the seats wear occupied.The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might mi his stop, he nudged him and said, “ Wake up, sir!”

“I was not asleep,” said the man.

“Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed.”

“I know.I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car”

Our tails

A lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours and then he started again, and he said , “Let me ask the evolutionist a question----If we had tails like a baboon, where are they?”

“I’ll venture an answer, ” said an old lady.“We have worn them off sitting here so long.”

The umbrella

A gentleman staying in a hotel left his umbrella in the hall.He put on the handle a card on which was ritten: “This umbrella belongs to a gentleman who can lift up 100 pounds and I shall be back in ten minutes.”

When he came back , he found, instead of his umbrella, another card on which was ritten: “This card belongs to a man who can run ten miles an hour , I shall not come back.”

The Great Event

T: What great event happened in 1809?

S: Abraham Lincoln was born?

T: Right! And what great event happened in 1812?

S: Lincoln had his third birthday.

Always Share!

An old couple went into a restaurant and ordered something to eat: one Coca Cola and one portion of French fries.The old man sat down and the woman, his wife, sat opposite him, and he began to divide the Coda Cola into two glaes, half for him and half for his wife.He devided all the Frech fries half-and-half..He gave half to his wife and kept half for himself.Then he began to eat and drink,and the woman just drank but didn’t eat.

There was a young man who was standing next to the table and wondering why the old man had divided everything in half, and he thought that maybe they didn’t have any money.He said to the old couple, “I can buy you one more portion; you don’thave to share like that.”

The old man explained, “No,no, no, we have been married for forty years and we always share everything.Whatever we have, we share half and half.Don’t worry, but thank you, anyhow.”

But then after a while, he saw that the woman wasn’t eating, and only the man ate, and he asked, “why aren’t you eating,?” And the wife said, “Today it’s his turn to use the teeth.”

第19篇：英语幽默

The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被宠坏的) .His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him.He hardly left her side.And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气) .Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother\'s loving arms.

When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.

Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?

Cry? John asked.No, I didn\'t cry, but the teacher did!

六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?哭?约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。

Englishman

Once, late at night, an Englishman came out of his room into the corridor of a hotel and asked the servant to bring him a gla of water.The servant did as he was asked.The Englishman re-entered his room, but a few minutes later he came into the corridor again and once more asked the servant for a gla of water.The servant brought him another gla of water.Every few minutes the Englishmen would come out of his room and repeat his request.After a half-hour the astonished servant decided to ask the Englishman what he was doing with the water.\"Nothing,\" the Englishman answered imperturbably, \"It’s simply that my room is on fire.\"一个英国人

一天晚上，一个英国人从他住的旅店房间里走出来。来到走廊上，叫旅店的服务员给他拿一杯水来。服务员按他的要求做了。英国人回到了他的房间里，几分钟后 他又来到走廊上，让服务员再给他送一杯水。服务员又给他送了一杯水。每隔几分钟。英国人就走出房间重复他的要求。 半小时之后．这位感到惊讶的服务员决定问问房客要这些水干什么，英国人不谎不忙地回答：”没什么．只不过是我的房间里起火了。“

A film crew was on location deep in the desert.One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, \"Tomorrow rain.\" The next day it rained.A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, \"Tomorrow storm.\" The next day there was a hailstorm.

\"This Indian is incredible,\" said the director.He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

However, after several succeful predictions, the old Indian didn\'t show up for two weeks.

Finally the director sent for him.\"I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow,\" said the director, \"and I\'m depending on you.What will the weather be like?\"The Indian shrugged his shoulders.\"Don\'t know,\" he said.\"Radio is broken.\"

天气预报

一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说\"明天下雨.\"第二天果然下雨了.

一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,\"明天有风暴.\"果然,第二天下了雹暴.

\"印度人真神,\"导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气.

几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了.

最后,导演派人去把他叫来了.\"我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,\"导演说,\"这得靠你了.明天天气如何啊?\"

印度人耸了耸肩.\"我不知道,\"印度人说,\"收音机坏了.\"

第20篇：幽默英语

英语幽默对话buy you a drink?（我可以为你买一杯饮料吗？）女:Actually I\'d rather have the money.（不必，我我宁愿留下那些钱.)

经典对话二：

男：Can I have your name?（直译：我能有你的名字吗？）

女：Why? Don\'t you already have one? （为什么？你不是已经有一个了吗？） 经典对话三：

男：I\'m a photographer.I\'ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）

女：I\'m a plastic surgeon.I\'ve been looking for a face like yours.（我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。）

经典对话四：

男：Is this seat empty?（直译：这个座位是空的吧？）

女：Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.（是的，如果你坐下，我的座位就是空的。） 经典对话五：

男：Haven\'t I seen you some place before?（我好像以前在什么地方见过你？）

女：Yes.That\'s why I don\'t go there anymore.（是的。这就是为什么我不再去那个地方的原因。）

经典对话六：

男：Will you go out with me this Saturday?（这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？）女：Sorry.I\'m having a headache this weekend.（抱歉。这个周末我头疼。） 经典对话七：

男：I think I could make you very happy.（我想我能让你非常快乐。）

女：Why? Are you leaving?（是吗？你是说你要离开？）

《英语幽默故事.doc》

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